A Tale of Two Eras
by Terracam
Summary: The Three Kingdoms face their greatest challenge yet, an invasion from the nation of Japan. Can the heroes of China hope to repel the armies of Toyotomi Hideyoshi?
1. Once Upon a Time in China

**Author's note: **Hey, I'm Terror of Zanarkand, one of the two authors who will be writing this story from two different perspectives. The warriors of the China are about to discover what the word samurai means, and the warlords of Japan are about learn the names of Liu Bei, Cao Cao and Sun Jian. I'll be handling most of the Three Kingdoms aspect, and the great aliedcam1 will be taking care of Momoyama Period Japan. Yeah, they are completely different eras, but it'll make for an interesting story, right?

**Chapter 1: Once Upon a Time in China**

_**All was well in the land of Shu. . .**_

Liu Bei eased Hex Mark into a canter as he and his entourage moved past the rice fields outside Cheng Du. He waved to the peasant farmers who toiled there, smiling with genuine happiness when they returned his greeting. Behind him, Zhao Yun and Ma Chao rode in silence, and behind them marched two columns of Cheng Du's famed Peasant Guard, each twenty deep.

"Lord Liu Bei, we love you," one farmer cried out. "Lord Liu Bei, marry my daughter," called another. The ruler of Shu just smiled and waved.

"Lord Liu Bei, please make the rains come earlier this year!" Yun and Chao rolled their eyes at hearing this, but Liu Bei shook his head and laughed. "I'm afraid I have not the power to do that, my friend, but I wish good fortune to you!"

They rode on, and soon had quite a crowd following them to either side, everyone happy and cheering. The people were always happy to see the great Liu Bei, and even left their work in the fields just to greet him as he passed by. Yes, Liu Bei was a man of the people, a friend to peasant and noble alike.

Zhao Yun tried to block out the torrents of greetings, prayers, questions, wishes of long life and other irritating utterances. After a morning of riding through the countryside enduring such babble, he had developed a pounding migraine. Beside him, Ma Chao stared straight ahead, for once in complete agreement with the man whom he considered a rival. There were only so many positive messages one could stomach.

"Lord Liu Bei, I want to have your children," a woman screamed, jumping out in the middle of the road. Others ran out to drag her back off the road, and again Bei grinned and chuckled helplessly. He had to admit; it was good to be king.

"You're amazing, Lord Liu Bei!" "Lord Liu Bei, please have tea at my house!" "Heavens shine upon you, Lord Liu Bei!" "Lord Liu Bei, won't you plea- "

Zhao Yun snapped. From beneath his cloak he pulled a loaded, steel-enforced crossbow. He took aim at the nearest peasant and fired. The quarrel hit with a thud. "Gotcha."

Ma Chao barked a laugh as the man went down, then forced his face to go blank when Liu Bei turned quickly in his saddle. "What under Heaven?" He spotted the crossbow cradled in Yun's arms, and the dying man on the road. "_Zhao Yun! What on earth are you doing?"_

"Wei sympathizer," the Dragon of Chang Shan replied quickly. "Don't worry; I got him."

Liu Bei looked doubtful. "Did we not send Pang Tong to Jian Ye for the purpose of ending the fighting and killing for a time?" He glanced over to see the peasants screaming and hurriedly dispersing.

Zhao Yun examined his crossbow critically before responding. "Fear not, my lord- Master Pang would not have signed the papers yet. Besides, the peasant had a sword."

"I did not see a sword. . . are you sure?"

"Of course," Ma Chao chimed in. "He was definitely Cao Cao's man. He was going to kill you."

The ruler of Shu considered for a moment, then shrugged. "I suppose you two would know. Thank you for saving my life, Zhao Yun." He turned back around in the saddle and dug his heels into Hex's flanks. He pulled away from the rest of the entourage.

"Nice shot," Ma Chao murmured once Liu Bei was out of hearing distance.

Zhao Yun grinned. "Thanks for having my back with our lord. He wouldn't have understood. Those retarded peasants never know when to shut up."

"Agreed." Chao's expression hardened. "Don't think that you will get the job simply over this, however."

Yun casually tucked his crossbow away. "Lui Bei will appoint me Sheriff of Cheng Du, regardless of whether he believes that I saved his life today. I am the only one qualified to fill the position."

Ma Chao's eyes narrowed. "Not on your life, pretty boy. I am the Sword of Justice, and I will be named sheriff before we next meet Cao Cao in battle."

"_I_ am the Sword of Justice. You're just a horse-shagging savage from the west, fit for nothing other than filling troughs and lopping of arms!" With that Zhao Yun flicked his horse's reins, urging the mare into gallop.

Ma Chao did likewise. Leaning forward in his saddle, he kissed the top of his horse's head. "Don't listen to him, darling. You know I wuvs you."

_**In the land of Wei, things were. . . sort of okay. . . I guess. . . **_

"Father, come down from there," Cao Pi called.

Cao Cao shook his head. His arms flailed slightly, but he managed to retain his balance. The king of Wei was perched pecariously on the parapets of Xu Chang Castle, standing tall above the main gate. "I'm not coming down until I'm finished. Go away!"

Cao Pi started to call out again, then sighed in frustration. He noticed Zhen Ji and Pang De crossing the main drawbridge and approaching him. With an angry glance to his father, he turned his attention to the others. He nodded to De as Ji slid an arm around his waist.

"What's going on," Pang De asked. He looked up. "Oh, not again. . . how long has he been up there?"

"Since before dawn," Pi replied bitterly. "I fear this time he may actually do it."

De shuddered, then cleared his throat. "Please, Lord Cao Cao, don't do it! Think of your family- your son and his wife do not wish to see this!"

"Please Lord Cao Cao, come down," Zhen Ji pleaded.

"No!"

"Foolish old man," Pi spat. "All right, how did we get him down last time?"

De scratched his head. "I think Xiahou Dun talked him out of it. Too bad he's not here. Cao Cao sent him to Jian Ye to finalise the Kingdoms' Truce."

"Curses," Cao Pi muttered. His thoughts drifted away from his disturbed father, focusing instead on the unprecedented truce that was to be established at the Wu capital. In just a few short weeks, Wei, Wu and Shu would cease to make war upon each other for the duration of one year. Developed by none other than Sima Yi, the proposal was of course a ploy. Many of Wei's troops were currently stationed at Xia Pi to the east, and Shang Dang to the north, due to Yi reading the map wrong at the last war council. The northern borders of Wei were now all but undefended, and reinforcements would be slow in arriving if either Liu Bei or Sun Jian decided to launch a full-scale assault. Time was needed to regroup.

Watching his father slip and almost plummet to his death, Pi's mood lifted. The suggestion of a truce between the Three Kingdoms had merely been something to briefly confuse the rulers of Shu and Wu, and have their strategists searching for deeper meaning in the all-too obvious ploy. Even if it had only bought them a few days, it was better than nothing.

Liu Bei's response to the proposed truce, resulting from council with Zhuge Liang, had been a resounding 'no', as expected. Wu's reply, however, had come as a shock. Once Zhou Yu had learned that Zhuge Liang opposed the truce, he became adamant in supporting it. After Wu agreed, for some reason, Liu Bei rescinded his refusal, and ever since diplomats and emmisaries had been flocking from each of the three kingdoms, arranging the terms of the truce and a thousand other things. Now, representatives from Shu and Wei were heading to Jian Ye, with orders to seal the deal that would ensure one year of peace between the Three Kingdoms. Cao Pi chuckled. This was more than they ever could have hoped for. For whatever reason, the fools had unexpectedly taken the bait. Zhuge Liang, Sima Yi had said, was no doubt planning something, but then what did it matter? It would not take even months, let alone a full year, to rally Wei's forces to Xu Chang, and to the Wu/Shu border. Once the men were in position, Wei could then break the truce at their leeeisure, as Sima Yi had purred earlier.

Cao Cao's giddy shouting drew Pi's attention back to the dilemma at hand. The king of Wei's deteriorating mental state had not yet, by some miracle, become common knowledge. He intended to keep it that way, and the deluded cries echoing out from above were not helping that endeavor.

Cao Pi snapped his hawkish gaze on Pang De. "Send someone up to drag him down here, or push him off- whichever!"

De's eyes widened. "He is still the king, Lord Cao Pi! I could not ever-" Cao Pi took a step forward, and De spun on his heel. "Going, sir!"

"Better." Pi looked to Zhen Ji. "I appologise in advance for if my father does anything stupid."

Ji dismissed his words with a wave. "I know you cannot help his condition, my husband. I know, too, that he was once a great man."

"Which makes this all the more embarrassing." He pulled away from her angrily. "Father, for the last time, come down here! Do _not _do this!"

Cao Pi heard the singing before he actually saw Zhang He. If he hadn't recognied the high-pitched voice, the lyrics were a dead give away. The man appeared to know only one song, unsuprisingly about beautiful purple butterflies that were beautiful.

_In the name of the heavens, let him pass by. . . _He's head poked around a corner beyond the portcullis. "Oh, Lord Cao Pi, Lady Zhen!" He immediately began prancing towards the couple. Pi sighed. _Please, someone raise the drawbridge. . ._

They didn't, but the feminine general, in full butterfly regalia, stopped on the bridge anyway, raising one leg and spreading his arms wide. "Hello trees! Hello sky! Hello sun! Tis I, Zhang He, your beautiful- "

A small flow of yellow water trickled down onto He from the parapets above. The warm liquid splattered against the general's head, running down his immaculate hair and into his armour, dampening his golden butterfly wings.

Cao Pi watched with disgust as Cao Cao finished reliving himself over the castle wall. The king put it back away in his pants and waved cheerily to Ji and Pi. "All done! It feels good to let it all out, doesn't it?"

Zhang He looked disbelievingly at his wet armour, letting out a despairing wail which broke into unabashed sobbing. With a knowing look to her husband, Zhen Ji ran off to console the butterfly enthusiast.

Cao Pi looked back up to the wall to see Dian Wei and Xu Zhu appear to either side of Cao Cao. He sighed in frustration. "It's too late- he's already done it!"

Cao Cao's son shook his head and clenched his fists. He headed back into the castle, storming past his wife and Zhang He. _Father, you miserable old bastard. . ._

_**Things were fine in Wu, for the most part. . .**_

"Tell me, why are we of Wu signing this farcical truce," Sun Jian growled, pacing the room relentlessly. He spread one arm wide. "We already know it to be a ploy, and an obvious one at that. You had better be damn sure we are not playing into that Sima Yi's hands!"

Zhou Yu steepled his hands on the oaken table in front of him. He took a few moments, positioning all of his fingers just so before looking up to the distressed, newly ordained king of Wu. "Lord Sun Jian, do you take me for a fool? I know exactly what I am doing, as I have explained before." He plastered confident smile across his face, which was shadowed by the light of two candles.

Jian leaned forward over the table to stare Yu right in the eye. "Actually, you never explained it. You just asked me to trust your judgment. Now, was I correct in doing so?"

Zhou Yu struggled to keep the smile on his face. _We agreed to sign the truce because that smug bastard Zhuge Liang did not!" _He frowned sharply. _Then he did sign it! Smug bastard, smug bastard, smug bastard! I hate you, Liang, I hate you so. . ._

"Is something wrong?"

Zhou Yu realised he was pounding his fists against the table and hastily stopped. "Of course not, Lord Sun Jian. You have my word that we will beat Zhuge Liang at his own game."

"Zhuge Liang? What does he- "

"Sima Yi, I meant Sima Yi," Zhou Yu stuttered. He then chuckled quietly. "Soon, Zhuge Liang, soon. . ."

"You just said Zhuge Liang again!"

". . . no I didn't, I said Sima Yi. Agreeing to this 'Kingdoms Truce' is all a part of my plan to destroy Wei!"

"You would run this kingdom into the ground for the sake of your childish rivalry! Everybody already believes that Zhuge Liang is a better strategist than you- I won't allow you to prove them right at the expense of the Sun Family!"

_We all laugh at the expense of your family anyway_. Zhou Yu rose indignantly to meet Jian's gaze, scattering the various scrolls and maps that cluttered the table. "I am smarter than that sorcerous caveman, as you all will one day see!"

Both men looked down to see a candle lying on its side amidst the papers. A small flame leapt up before Yu could smother it with his bare hand.

Sun Jian shook his head as the strategist squinted in mild pain. "Zhou Yu, if this does turn out to be nothing move than a continuation of your jealousy, Lu Meng will be more than happy to take over your posti- "

"_Lu Meng_? Do you _want _us all to die?"

"Lu Xun, then."

"He's ten years old!"

"He knows who Sima Yi is, which at this point impresses me greatly. If our signing of this truce is not part of an ingenious scheme that will benefit Wu greatly, you will be looking for employment elsewhere." Halfway to the door he turned back. "And don't think your friendship with my son will save you. I will merely tell Sun Ce you died, or something of that nature."

Zhou Yu watched Sun Jian stride out the door, slamming it shut behind him. Wu's present strategist sighed and slumped back in his chair. _Who does he think he is talking to? My ideas, my strategies. . . I forged Wu!_ Dully, he picked up the one piece paper on the table that had been damaged by the small fire. He held it up by the light of the remaining candle. A hole had been burned right through a section of the East China Sea, all but searing the nation of Japan off the map.

Zhou Yu set it aside with a grunt. Who needed to know where Japan was, anyway?


	2. An Invasion

_Author's note: Hello all! I am the second author on this work and my original Pen name is aliedcam1. The Terror of Zanarkand is the other author and is a competent writer who's knowledge on the history of the Three Kingdoms of China have lead more then one interesting discussion between the two of us on History. My own expertise is in Japanese History, although my own knowledge pales in comparison to Terror's own knowledge. This story is set between two alternating points of view: Between the Three Kingdoms of China and their rulers against the invading forces of Japan under Toyatomi Hideyoshi. I do realize that the two rulers are nearly 1400 years apart in their time as rulers, but that is why this is _fiction._ I am more then open to suggestions or inaccuracies in my writings, and please let me know._

-aliedcam1

Disclaimer: I do not own the former Generals of Japan. They did exist and belong to themselves.

Chapter 2: An Invasion

Mori Terumoto was anxious to get to his rooms inside of Osaka castle. He walked down the wooden halls of the castle so fast, that his contingent of bodyguards had to jog alongside him just to keep pace.

Coming to an intersection, the _daimyo _sighed in disappointment when the eccentric old man he had been hoping to avoid stepped in front of him. The body guards around Mori went kneeling onto the ground with their faces pressed to the wooden floors. Mori bowed at the waist and came back up to look at the reigning _kampaku, _or regent of Japan The man was grinning like a fool at Mori.

"Ah! Terumoto, just who I've been meaning to speak to. I have something that I want to tell you about that I am planning and I need your advice on it. Are you free for some tea?"

Mori could not refuse the most powerful man in Japan, but he wished very hard that he could, "Of course Toyotomi-sama. I would be honored to join you."

Toyotomi Hideyoshi was the first man to do many things in Japan, not the least of which had been to unite all of the clans and _daimyo_ under his powerful grip. Mori had once opposed the wiry little man which stood in front of him now, but now he was one of the most trusted advisors to the would-be Shogun.

"What do you think about China?" Hideyoshi asked as he walked along in short quick strides. The two bodyguard units gracefully merged together and continued their easy walk down the wooden walks of Osaka castle.

"They make good silk…" Mori said carefully.

"Yes I know! But we have to trade with them for that silk, now don't we?"

Mori tried not to sigh, "Yes, we do."

"Well I say we invade them and take all their silk!"

Mori stumbled over his own sandals, but caught himself on the shoulders of a nearby retainer, "You want to invade China over silk?" he said nearly full of incredulity.

Hideyoshi stopped and so did the bodyguards around them, "Can you think of a better reason Terumoto?" he asked with a head tilted to the side.

Mori thought for a moment, "I can think of a few. World domination, the Chinese government slighted you for some reason, a desire to gain natural resources outside of Japan, they stole your wife…"

"They stole my wife?" the old man shouted as he reached for the hilt of the sword that he was not wearing. The body guards shifted and tried so hard to look away from their charge that they might as well have gaped.

Mori threw himself to the floor. On the verge of madness the _kampaku _might be, but he had been known to order seppuku for less.

"Forgive me, Hideyoshi-sama. The Chinese have not stolen your wife. I was just…" the head of the Mori clan stopped talking as the _kampaku_'s murderous gaze fell on him. Mori put his head down to avoid having to look into the gaze of Hideyoshi. Gulping, Mori whimpered, "The Chinese my lord? You wanted to invade them?"

The murderous gaze quickly left the eyes of the Japanese leader and he smiled, "Ah yes. That reminds me Terumoto. I have something that I wanted to ask your advice about…"

Mori ground his teeth and waited for the _kampaku_ to finish explaining what he had just explained before he said, "I like that idea. When will you begin this invasion?"

Hideyoshi looked down at his vassal in confusion, "Begin it? Why, it's already begun! The armies of the _kampaku_ must have landed in China by now…"

Forgetting formality Mori spluttered, "It's _begun_? Then why did you need my advice when you've already begun a war I did not know about?"

Hideyoshi ignored Mori's outburst, "Well I suppose I should be off. Take care of Osaka castle for me Terumoto," the _kampaku_ reached behind a wall hanging and removed his swords and armor, "Ah! So that's where I put those…"

Mori stared, "Y…you're going yourself?"

Hideyoshi placed the helmet on his head backwards, and then spun it around so that the eye slots faced front, "Of course, Terumoto! Would you like to come along too?"

Mori put his head back down to the floor, "No thank you, my lord. I've still got much to do here yet…"

"Fine. Suit yourself," Hideyoshi said as one of the _kampaku_'s retainers brought his horse. He tried to get on it, but ended up facing backwards so he was looking out over the horses' hind end rather than over the neck.

"So long Terumoto! I'm off to conquer the world!" Hideyoshi shouted as he dug the heels into the horses' flanks. The steed jumped forward and through one of the paper walls and the beast screamed as he fell nearly three stories to the cobble stone pavement below.

The retainers all hurried out of the castle to see if their liege lord was alright. Mori sank to his knees and wanted to weep. If the _kampaku_ was leading the armies of Japan personally, then more hazards awaited the Samurai in Korea than small things like the Chinese army…

* * *

Konishi Yukinaga sat on his horse overlooking the small coastal town inside of China. He was leading one small force that had been sent as the first vanguard to begin the assault into China. There were two others, one lead by Kato Kiyomasa and the other by Kuroda Nagamasa.

Yukinaga grimaced at the pile of the dead that used to live in the village. He offered a small prayer for their souls, even though he knew that they were Godless heathen and probably burning in hell just then.

The men under him were already clearing out away the citizen's homes and preparing the village to act as a staging ground for further conquest into the rest of China. Some of the citizens had mentioned that they were under the protection of a Lord Sun Jian, whoever he was. Another had lamented that this wouldn't have happened if they were under the protection of a Lord Liu Bei. Yukinaga couldn't make any sense of any of it, all of these Chinese had such odd names…

A retainer kneeled in front of Yakinaga's horse and made a bow with his head, "My lord, some of the villagers have managed to elude our forces and are making for Jianye."

Yukinaga's face darkened and he slapped his open palm against the saddle of his horse, "Send couriers to Lord Kuroda and Lord Kato and inform them that we have been detected," he spat_. So much for surprise_.

"Yes my lord," the young samurai said and with another bow scurried off to where a tent was being erected.

As if everything else weren't bad enough with this campaign, the _kampaku_ had ordered that the first three _Daimyo _to go along had to have such similar sounding names. Kato, Konishi, and Kuroda. It made it very confusing when Kato got Kuroda's reports or Konishi got Kato's mother's package of homemade cookies.

One thing that Yukinaga did see though that made him smile was the unloaded regiment of riflemen that were marching off toward the village. He had heard…stories about some places in China.

Horses as big as houses and warriors that were able to fend off armies. The thought made him shiver despite the heat under the samurai's big flamboyant helmet. He was sure those boasts had been inflated. He was sure. Of course that was nothing more then rumor. Nothing.

Sighing, Yukinaga adjusted his helmet and began overseeing a defensive perimeter around the now captured town. He hoped that this Sun Jian was a sensible man, and would not resist too badly.


	3. A Historic Day

**Chapter 3: An Historic Day**

_**In the land of Wu, a truce was to be signed. . .**_

Xiahou Dun, Zhang Liao and Xu Huang arrived at the gates of Jian Ye with little fanfare, Dun and Huang dirty and worn after riding hard from Xu Chang. Zhang Liao, however, was soaking wet, after a confrontation on the northern bank of the Yangtze river. He had refused to pay the river's ferryman for passage, swearing blind that the last ferryman had stolen his lucky horseshoe. Much to Liao's annoyance, the other two generals had been happy to leave him stranded on the north side.

Zhang Liao wrang water (and two fish) out of his hat angrily, before jamming it back on his head. _Swimming. . . the shame of it. _He had tried to hold his head above the water and keep the towering piece of headgear dry, and may have succeeded if Xu Huang hadn't hurled a meat bun at him. The axeman grinned happily at his scowling friend.

Xiahou Dun scratched under his eyepatch before clearing his throat loudly. He looked up to the walls of the city, and to the thirty odd guards with their bows drawn and trained on him and his companions. "I am Xiahou Dun of Wei! I am here as an official emissary of Lord Cao Cao, come collect Lord Sun Jian's signature for the Kingdoms Truce!" He fished around in his coat and pulled out a rolled document.

"Aren't you glad that you didn't let Zhang Liao carry it," Huang muttered, shooting another glance at the sopping general.

Urgent whispering and raised voices could be heard above, and several moments later the main gate began to swing inward slowly. Two dozen Wu soldiers filed out, armed with spears and crossbows. An official looking man leaned over the wall. "You may enter!"

Xiahou Dun grunted his acknowledgment and rode on slowly, ignoring the unwanted escort he knew they were to receive. Zhang Liao shrugged, and with a look to Xu Huang followed Dun in. As the three entered the city, the gates, and the formation of soldiers, closed behind them. The throng of peasants parted hastily before them as the entourage proceeded through the streets towards the royal palace, shouts from soldiers and citizens alike heralding their arrival.

Xu Huang leaned in to Xiahou Dun and whispered, "Are these people really stupid enough to sign something that was drawn up by Lord Sima Yi?"

The one-eyed general did not turn his head, but answered, "One of them is, and that's all we need." _Why _would_ Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang ever wish this truce? I can see the ploy behind it, and I only have one eye! _He thought back to Chi Bi, the last time Yu and Liang had agreed on something. _Grr, what are those two up to. . .? _In the distance, the sloping, curved roofs of Wu's royal palace rose high above the rest of the city.

A hunched figure wearing a green, hooded robe made its way through the crowd, shadowing the three horsemen. "Master tells us we must mark his seal on the paper. Master trusts us, we must do as Master says, yesss." The figure form Shu eyed the three horses warily. It had not traveled by horse to Jiang Ye, as Master had urged, rather made the journey in it's own special way. It shuddered. The last time it had ridden one of Master's horses it had been shot. Idly, it rubbed its buttocks, where the arrow had struck. "Stupid Master. . . NO! Master wise, we likes Master, yesss. . . "

The generals of Wei reached the palace a short time later. The massive gates creaked open to admit them and the host of guards around them. Once inside the courtyard, the three horsemen dismounted, and their horses were led away by stable hands. After heated words, their weapons were reluctantly given up to the guards, who had a hard time lifting them.

Another, smaller gate swung wide moments later, and Taishi Ci strode out to meet the guests, a score of swordsmen and another dozen archers flooding out behind him. He waited patiently for all swords to clear their scabbards and all bows to be fully drawn before approaching the companions. Stopping several paces from Xiahou Dun, he spread his arms in a welcoming gesture, the huge rods across his back clacking together. "Greetings! As you know, my lord has decided to put his name to your Kingdoms Truce. We, as a people, are eager for the land to know peace."

Xu Huang slowly took in the sixty-odd soldiers spread out around them, weapons ready. "Yes, I can see that. . ."

Zhang Liao snorted. "It would take more men than that to stop the Great Zhang Liao!"

Taishi Ci snapped his fingers. In an instant, the walls were bristling with more than a hundred crossbowmen. Zhang Liao folded his arms. "Hah- you'll have to do better than that!"

Ci raised an arm. _Ever the arrogant bastard, Zhang Liao. Well let's see how you like true Wu hospitality. _He began to lower his arm to signal the archers.

Sun Ce stepped in to grab Ci's wrist, dragging him off to the side "Yo, hold up dawg! Ol' man said not to shoot these dudes!"

"What. . .? Dawg?" He frowned for a second, then gave up. "And why shouldn't we just kill them? The only reason we are signing this so-called truce is so that Lord Zhou Yu can posture in Zhuge Liang's shadow! That man will be the death of Wu!"

Sun Ce shook his head. "Lay off my bro, man. Zhou Yu told me he got it all worked out, so quit bitchin' and go bring em in to see pop!"

Ci pulled free contemptuously and sighed. "Very well, Lord Sun Ce- "

"Hey hey, what'd I tell you? It's Lil' Conqueror now!" His crossed his wrists before him. "Remember it, yo!"

Xiahou Dun watched wordlessly as Sun Ce went through a series of exaggerated hand gestures, before sauntering up the hundred stone steps leading to the palace's main complex. Taishi Ci rejoined the three generals, looking extremely irritated. "Come with me."

Zhang Liao chuckled quietly as they followed the angry warrior. "Hah- the child orders the man. Wu is indeed a backward country."

The palace's front gates began to close as the four of them ascended the stairs. Outside, Pang Tong dashed towards the gates, arms flailing. "No, don'tclosedon'tclose!" The thing from Shu smashed into the gates just as they banged shut. His eye twitched, and he tipped over slowly like a plank of wood. "Owiiie. . ."

Xiahou Dun, Xu Huang and Zhang Liao were led into Sun Jian's lavish audience hall, where the king reclined easily on his throne. Light from a dozen blazing torches reflected across the gleaming black marble beneath their boots. Eight evenly-spaced, blood red pillars rose to the high ceiling above, and at each of these stood a guard, armed with a halberd. Behind the Wei generals, two more guards closed the double doors they had come through.

Taishi Ci went to a knee before the throne and dipped his head, not before stealing a glare at Zhou Yu, who stood to one side of the king. "Lord Sun Jian, I present to you Xiahou Dun, Xu Huang and. . . Zhang Liao. . . of Wei." He cleared his throat. "Lord Xiahou Dun has brought the. . . document."

The king of Wu nodded curtly to the three, and Ci rose, turning to Xiahou Dun. "The papers, if you please."

Dun held the rolled parchment aloft for Jian to see, before attempting to approach the throne. All around the room guards rushed forward, halberds and spears leveled, and Taishi Ci drew his impressive weapons from his back. The one-eyed general froze mid-stride, only his eye moving to take in the weapons suddenly pointed in his direction. "Or. . . I could just let you give it to him."

As Ci plucked the document from Dun's grasp, Zhang Liao looked disdainfully from one guard to another. "Hah- amateurs." A spear prodded him in the back, silencing the arrogant general. A moment later the guards were ordered to stand down.

Sun Jian unfurled the scroll with a flick of his wrist, and his shrewd eyes began their appraisal. Xiahou Dun gasped. "Lord Sun Jian, w-what are you doing?"

The king glanced up, clearly annoyed. "What does it appear? I am reading your Lord Cao Cao's truce agreement."

Dun's mouth moved, but no words came out. Xu Huang came to his comrade's aid. "Uh, no! I mean, you don't need to trouble yourself. We have already told you all the terms, so now you merely need to sign."

Zhou Yu leaned over Sun Jian's shoulder. " 'I hereby surrender my kingdom, my armies, my treasuries, and all of my other worldly possessions to the wise, noble and good-looking King Cao Cao?' " The strategist frowned. "I do not recall that condition."

Xiahou Dun's mouth moved again. "It must be a mistake, a-a-a- "

"Joke," Zhang Liao finished with a forced laugh. "Oh, how our Lord Cao Cao loves to joke, ahah. . . ha. . ."

"Funny." Zhou Yu produced a small brush, which he dipped in a pot of ink on a table near the throne. Smoothly, he obscured the added condition, then passed the brush to Sun Jian. "Here, my lord. Everything _else _seems to be in order."

Jian finished his examination of the parchment, noting that aside from Cao Cao's 'joke', the rest of the truce was clear and straight-forward. For one year, the nations of Wei, Shu and Wu would halt all hostilities against each other, on pain of being considered extremely nasty for the rest of eternity. The king of Wu let out a barely audible growl and pinned Zhou Yu under his baleful gaze, whispering, "Are you sure about this? Because if you are not. . ."

Yu let out a shaky laugh. He had just realised something. Zhuge liang may have changed his mind and advised Liu Bei to sign the truce, but_ he _had made him do it. _Zhuge Liang changed his mind because of me! If I had not pressed Sun Jian to sign it, Liang would not have urged his lord to do the same! My actions can force his hand, force him to alter his plans! Haha, that shall teach you not to underestimate I, Zhou Yu! _"Yes my Lord, I am sure."

With a final look to Yu, Jian accepted they brush and scrawled his signature at the bottom of the paper. He then rolled it back up and passed it to Zhou Yu, who passed it to Taishi Ci, who passed it back to Xiahou Dun. The one-eyed general unrolled it again and nodded his satisfaction upon seeing the king's name on the truce. "You have made a wise choice, Lord Sun Jian. Very wise. Almost. . . too wise."

To fill the silence after Dun's confusing yet still ominous words, Zhang Liao clapped his hands together. "Right, who's for wine while we wait for Liu Bei to get here?" As he finished speaking, the doors were thrown open wide. Weapons and armour clinked together as the guards came forward again. A robed figure swooped into the room, flying high over the guard's heads and shooting up to the ceiling. Crossbows turned upwards, but before they could fire, the figure dived, hitting the floor and skidding to a halt before Sun Jian.

Pang Tong dismounted the staff he had been riding and took a shaky step. He was soon unable to take another, with many pointy things aimed at his hooded head. Shu's second greatest strategist hissed. "Pang Tong we is. Comes from Shu, we do. Brings Master's Shiny Thing, we does." Gingerly, he reached in to his rode and took out a bulky golden object, Liu Bei's name risen up from the bottom. He bobbed his head. "Put's Master's seal on paper, we must." The three Wei generals exchanged glances and shrugs as the King of Shu's official stamp was examined by Taishi Ci. The Wu officer quickly determined it to be authentic, and with a sigh, Sun Jian motioned his guards to stand down again.

Zhou Yu stood silent for a few long moments, slowly turning a deep shade of red. "Pang Tong? _Pang Tong? _What is the meaning of this?Where is Liu Bei?"

Tong gave a hissing laugh from beneath his hood. "Master sends us to mark his seal. Master had more important things to do." Zhou Yu stood sputtering as Xiahou Dun reluctantly passed the scroll to the hunched figure, and Taishi Ci gave back the seal. Pang Tong wasted no time stamping Liu Bei's signature on the truce. How the 'shiny thing' could be wet with ink after being in the thing's robe was anyone's guess.

Zhou Yu pointed a trembling finger at Pang Tong. "W-h, fu. . . w-hat could be. . . why did Zhuge Liang not come in his place? What could possibly have been more important than personally signing the Kingdoms Truce, than ensuring a time of peace between the Three Kingdoms?"

Just then a Wu soldier came charging headlong into the hall, scrambling passed the guards to hurl himself at Sun Jian's feet. "My Lord, W-wu is under attack! Soldiers to the south, soldiers to the south! Ahhhh!"

Jain rose, pulling his sword free of it's scabbard. "What treachery is this?"

The soldier moved back to avoid being stepped on. "No, my lord, not Wei or Shu- Japan! Men from across the sea! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

Zhou Yu paled and began to stammer. "Japan. . . but that's not. . . possible. . ."

Sun Jian hauled the soldier to his feet. "How many men? How many?"

"Uh, an expeditionary force of th-thousands, lord! Approaching the capital! We are all going to _DIE!"_

Pang Tong tucked Liu Bei's seal back into his robe. "Master and the White Wizard could not come, no! They at war council, yes, yesss. . ."

Zhou Yu scratched his head. "War council? Why would. . .? Things fell into place. _Zhuge Liang. . . you knew, didn't you? YOU KNEW THE JAPANESE WERE COMING! Th-that's why you decided to sign the truce- you bloody well knew! _He though for a second._ And you manipulated me into getting Sun Jian to sign it! You used me, you smug bastard!_

Sun Jian turned to Yu. "Assemble the war council at once!"


	4. Ears

Chapter 4: Ears

The _daimyo _named Konishi Yukinaga twisted his mouth in disgust. He watched as Toyatomi Hideyoshi crawled through the pile of dead using his _tanto,_ or dagger, to cut off the ears of the fallen soldiers of the Chinese armies.

Walking over to the pile, he kneeled in a bow and asked "My lord? What are you doing?"

Hideyoshi was humming to himself and stopped abruptly, and his face appeared between two dead soldiers. When he saw Yukinaga he smiled, "Hello Yukinaga!" he said cheerfully, and "I am cutting the ears off of these villainous _gai-jin_. I have quite a collection already!"

The leader of the Japanese forces stood up and smiled, pulling ears out of his pockets and showed them to Yukinaga, "See? Ooh, this one has a mole on it!"

Yukinaga suppressed a grimace, "You intend to keep those in your pockets, my lord?" he asked dubiously, "They won't keep there." Many would question their lord's sanity if he walked around with the removed ears of the dead Chinese defenders in his pockets.

Hideyoshi pursed his lips, "You're right, of course Yukinaga. Have some men begin bottling them in jars."

"Jars, my lord?"

Hideyoshi frowned, "Yes jars. We have empty jars on our boats right?"

Yukinaga inclined his head, "No my lord, I'm afraid not. The only jars we have are for storage of our food."

Hideyoshi smiled, "Good! Then have some men empty out the jars full of food and replace them with these ears." Hideyoshi began dumping out handfuls of ears from the armor that he wore and his pockets.

Good thing for Yukinaga, a coolie walked by and did not see the _kampaku _nor the general and did not bow to show proper respect. Drawing his sword, Yukinaga put his sword into the peasant's chest and then with a cry of "DIE YOU FOOL!" sliced the sword through the man's heart, killing him.

Breathing heavily, Yukinaga quickly went to his knees and asked forgiveness by his Christian God, but he knew he would have to confess to his priest later.

Hideyoshi said nothing, of course, since the goings on of peasants were beneath his notice, despite his birth.

"My lord!" came shouts from the village that Yukinaga had taken during the landing.

Yukinaga turned to see three generals coming down the road toward the mass grave on horseback. All stood in their ceremonial armor but all had their helmets removed and balanced on the pommel of their saddles.

The leader was one of Hideyoshi's loyal vassals and one of his closest allys: Tokugawa Ieyasu who had a brilliant grasp of tactics, had a large family, and was extremely powerful. Too powerful in Yukinaga's mind, but Ieyasu was fiercely loyal to the _Kampaku_.

Just behind Ieyasu rode Kato Kiyomasa, who made Yukinaga wary no matter what the situation. Kiyomasa preferred to be called by his surname, or Kato for some reason. It made Yukinaga feel as though he were addressing all of Kiyomasa's entire family, but he put up with it. Kato himself was a short dark man who scowled more often then anything else and had a dangerous reputation. He enjoyed battle too much, in Yukinaga's mind and hated Christians too. Kato had been on Yukinaga's northern flank during the initial landing, just as the man who rode next to him had taken Yukinaga's southern flank.

Next to him rode Kobayakowa Takakge, one of the few other Christians that had accompanied the invasion. He was noted for his bravery and was one of Hideyoshi's closest friends. Together with Yukinaga and Kato, all three of them made the vanguard that had entered China to begin the first steps toward conquering the world.

"My lord," he said, "Ieyasu…" He stopped and saw that Hideyoshi was bent over and cutting off the ears of the man Yukinaga had just killed.

The three newcomers managed to avoid looking surprised at the blood that covered their leader, or at the sizeable pile of ears that lay at his feet.

Each made their bows and Ieyasu reported, "The main forces have arrived, my lord, including the cannons that we require to launch an attack on the large city to the north."

Hideyoshi brightened considerably at this and dropped the two new ears he had been holding to the floor. Scooping up his helmet he tried to shove it on, but was unable to get it over his head. Looking puzzled, he reached in and pulled out a handful of severed ears. He dumped more out of his helmet onto the ground and then fastened it onto his head.

"Well then prepare the troops to march!" He said excitably, "We will teach these filthy Chinese to wash behind their ears!"

Yukinaga sighed before gathering his own horse and then fell into place beside Takakge as the five commanders of the Japanese invasion force walked their horses back up to the village on the crest of the hill.

Tokugawa was speaking quietly with the _Kampaku_ so Takakge leaned over and whispered, "What's with the ears?"

Yukinaga shrugged, "He wants us to put them in jars and send them back to Osaka castle. Maybe he thinks the Lady Yodo will find them as a beautiful anniversary gift…"

Kato leaned over from the other side of Takakge, "Be quiet both of you! We need to begin preparation for battle! This city ahead is one of the largest in China! There will be much honor gained up ahead. Go and ready your troops. We can worry about our Lord's need for trophies later."

Ready to rally his troops and even more ready to be away from the _Kampaku_, Yukinaga nodded in agreement and galloped west from the village toward where his armies were camped. Already the arrival of the main force of the invasion fleet had given the signal that the forces of Japan would begin to move out, and many were making preparations to do just that.

Yukinaga pulled into his camp and handed his reigns to a groom that stood near the horse lines. His force consisted of a large amount of cavalry, and he was already sure that his large force would be used only if the enemy tried to either break and flee, or else was stupid enough to engage him outside the castle walls.

Just then he noticed one of his most loyal retainers, Joan.

"I have had the men begin to pack up their belongings, my lord," Joan said.

"Good, have them begin to assemble on the road north as quickly as possible. If we are to destroy this city to the north, then we must move quickly before they can mount an effective defense."

"Yes, my Lord," Joan said, and Yukinaga noticed that he was looking at his shoulder. Turning, Yukinaga saw a very large and very hairy ear stuck to the armor on his left shoulder. Grimacing in disgust, he flicked it off with an extended finger and thumb.

_If the Chinese rulers are even slightly more sane then us,_ he thought miserably, _This war could be a very short-lived one._


	5. Onslaught

_Author's note_: _TOZ and I wrote this chapter from our respective viewpoints by posting this chapter one block at a time. He would write an action in battle, and I would write a reaction to it or something else involving the battle elsewhere. That is why the viewpoints of the narrator shifts so often in this chapter. _

Chapter 5: Onslaught

Sun Jian sat upright in his saddle, Sun Ce to his left, Sun Quan and Sun Shang Xiang to his right. Spread around them, fanning out to either side, were the armies of Wu. Fifty thousand men stood or sat mounted in the afternoon sun, pike or sword held in a shaking hand. Fifty thousand men who had been forced to flee their home, the city of Jiang Ye.

The Japanese had come like a storm, their strange weapons booming like thunder and punching straight through the city's walls. It had taken only an hour for the forces of Wu to see the had no defense against the wall-sundering enemy cannons, and the long-range killing sticks. Zhou Yu had declared it was not magic, but no-one could believe that after seeing the death they caused.

Sun Quan looked out over the huge column of refugees leaving the city from the northern gates. A detachment of Wu's main force, led by Gan Ning and Zhou Tai was down there, helping the peasants escape and holding the Japanese off for as long as possible. Quan's thoughts went immediately to the manly Zhou Tai.

More explosions thundered in the distance below, as the Japanese entered the city. Sun Jian grimaced. He knew that they would pursue the refugees; in fact he counted on it. Suprise, according to Zhou Yu, was the only weapon that could combat this new enemy.

* * *

Kato Kiyomasa entered the city at the head of a long column of riflemen which had an escort of several hundred samurai guarding them against the time it took to reload and any nasty surprises.

The _Daimyo_ was feeling confident, and happy to have grasped such an easy victory out of the hands of the defenders. Thinking of the defenders made Kato frown angrily though. They fled now, or at least appeared to flee from the massive firepower that had been brought against them from the Chinese.

Spreading out his forces into a long line, Kato waved his sword over his head in an order to advance. Suddenly, Chinese soldiers poured out from the alleyways in front of the advancing riflemen, and just when their charge left them only ten feet away he gave the order to fire. His squad of riflemen all unleashed their dangerous firepower on his command, and the Chinese line fell in agony. Those few survivors turned in fear and fled back toward the retreating lines of their comrades. Kato spurred his horse forward and began cutting into the retreating soldiers.

"Stand and fight you worms!" he growled, spittle flying from his teeth.

But the fleeing troops paid him no mind, and eventually he turned back frustrated.

"What kind of foe is this that will not stand and fight?" he asked sourly to his retainers, who laughed happily. Reloading, he ordered all of his men to march forward as quickly as possible.

"We must hurry," he said under his breath, "If we give them time to regroup, it will be more difficult to crush these _gai-jin_."

* * *

The battle was fierce. Rifles boomed not far off, and Gan Ning cursed. He crouched down on the roof of a low-roofed building, two crossbowmen either side of him. All along the street archers were perched above, and in many other streets, waiting for the enemy to draw near enough. His head jerked up at the sound of shooting, and boots on stone. He motioned to his men. "All right, guys, here they- Wahh"

The pirate over balanced and crashed to the street below. Men in strange armor poured into the alley. "Fire!" Ning yelled, and the archers' crossbows hummed. Japanese soldiers fell fast, but more took their place. The pirate rolled and drew his scimitar and ducked behind a wall as lead balls whistled by. "Damn it, keep me covered!"

Samurai began to enter from the other end of the street now. The pirate cursed again. If he could just get close enough to cut off some heads.

* * *

Kato cursed as the defenders opened up with their bows on his soldiers. He quickly spun around on his horse and ordered his riflemen to target the bowmen. They did so quickly, and the shots began to hit the sides of the buildings and the archers on the roof.

Kato peered down the street and was surprised. The Chinese were attacking down the street again while his riflemen were busy firing at the archers.

At there head was a bare-chested man who held a wicked sword that was curved at one end, and was clearly their leader.

Snarling, he shouted, "Vanguard to the front! Beat these _gai-jin_ back!" he spurred his own horse toward the column head and charged at the leader.

Gan Ning's eyes narrowed as they locked on those of Kato. The corsair smiled thinly. This was one who would fight blade to blade, if on horseback. He charged the mounted warrior, sword raised, and swung hard for the horse's legs.

Kato saw what the warrior was after and made a calculation, and quickly decided what to do. As Gan Ning swung to take out his horses legs, Kato lashed out with his blade making a strike in the back of the bare-chested warrior before he jumped out of the saddle and rolled into the ranks of attacking Chinese.

His retainers came in behind them and began lashing out with their swords and spears with a furry that caught the defenders off guard.

Kato got back up off of the ground and searched out the enemy commander, locking eyes with him.

Blood running down his back and bells jingling, Gan Ning attacked. He was no stranger to pain, and liked the way it always spurred him on to fight harder.

The pirate's sword glanced off the samurai's, pushed out to the side. Ning whipped it back around in time to parry a blow from Kato's larger blade. He tried to launch a counter, but felt himself being beaten back under the barrage of measured cuts and thrusts, and could see in his mind's eye the wall coming up to meet his back. Gritting his teeth, he redoubled his efforts, crouching under a deadly slash and lashing out for his opponent's stomach with a booted foot.

* * *

Many streets away, Zhou Tai vaulted an overturned market stall. The last of the peasants to escape were flooding out either side of him, aided by the Wu rearguard. The general urged them on. "Hurry! Make for the Yangtze!"

When the flow lessened slightly, Tai turned about and gathered his men, two hundred elite royal guards. He knew they were terrifed of this enemy, and this enemy's weapons, but they didn't show it, all standing tall with their swords drawn. They would not run, he knew. Not when they were all that stood between the Japanese army and Jiang Ye's refugees.

Zhou Tai raised his thumb, easing his katana free of its scabbard an inch. His father, he had been told, had come from the nation of Japan many years ago, taking with him only the clothes on his back and the sword now at Tai's hip. He sneered at the thought and drew the blade in a flash, the sudden noise and movement causing some of the men to flinch. Smoke rose from various points in the city, and the sounds of battle echoed all around. Zhou Tai drew in a deep breath and thrust his katana in the direction of the city's centre. "Forward!"

* * *

Kato grinned slightly. This guy was good, but he was not very good at being on the defensive.

When Kato saw the booted foot of his opponent coming toward him, he side stepped and blocked the attack that would have gone for his neck. Pushing both the man and the sword back, he struck again and again until he had pushed the bare-chested man up against the building.

Pausing, Kato realized that his opponent was beginning to feel the loss of blood from his initial strike.

"I am Kiyomasa from the clan of Kato, and my liege lord is Toyotomi Hideyoshi. I want to know who you are before I take your head in the name of my lord."

Gan Ning felt his legs almost buckle as his blood emptied out onto the tiled street. He forced himself to straighten, and even grin at the strange warrior from the east.

"I'm Gan Ning of the Bells, you scum!" He tossed his sword and caught it easily. He began to take a careful measure of his opponent. He seemed confident, and not without reason, and seemed to radiate a kind of power and authority. "And just who is 'your lord?' "

Kato couldn't believe it. This man dared to mock him by asking who his lord was? Well, he would learn his mistake...

"My lord is Toyotomi Hideyoshi, you swine! And what about yours? Clearly he can be no great lord if he allows his generals to prance around half naked."

"It's a fashion statement- I got muscles and I can kick your arse!" He sprang forward, stabbing at Kato's head. Their blades came came together again. "And my lord's name is Sun Jian. He's pretty good at arse-kicking, too!" _As you guys are going to find out soon._

Kato shook his head in wonder. If all of the Chinese were as muscle headed as this man than this will be a cake walk.

Stepping backwards Kato came up with an idea, "A fashion statement huh? And what about that feather behind your head? Think it helps you fly?"

Smirking, he sidestepped the general's angry swipe and then struck out, hiting one of the bells.

"What kind of fairy wears bells in battle?"

The pirate side-stepped angrily. "Well it's not that I don't hear enough tinklin' when I'm around! What's with the hat, or is that a siege engine?" Gan Ning danced awkwardly away from several more sword strokes.

Kato had accomplished his purpose. He had distracted this half-naked commander long enough to make him feel the blood loss.

He moved in about to kill the man, when he heard a scream from above, followed by a heavy impact on his helmet.

A huge weight began to wrench his neck backwards, and he fell over. Attemping to stand back up, he realized what happened. One of the archers had fallen off of the roof and landed on his long and pointy helmet.

Rolling around on the floor of the blood soaked streets, he grimaced. He would never hear the end of this if Yukinaga ever found him like this...

Ning couldn't believe his luck. Just as he felt ready to collapse, a gift from heaven. Staggering towards the Daimyo, he tried to raise his sword to deliver the killing blow. He then realized that he must have dropped the blade, because it was no longer in his had. The pirate turned about to look for it, and slowly fell forward. The last thing he remembered was being dragged out of the street by two of his men.

* * *

All around the city, the quickly setup defense of Wu's capital city was quickly crumbling. On the bright side, most of the city had been evacuated by the army, and it was clear that even though the invaders were taking ground quicker then Zhou Yu or any of the other generals could have thought possible, they were focusing only on the armies of Wu. Even Zhou Tai's determined effort to stop the invading force failed, forcing him to Sun Jian's retreat, rather then present Sun Jian with his palace whole and intact.

Hideyoshi Toyotomi had won a victory here, but it would take more then one capital to conquer the Three Kingdoms of China.

Sun Jian rode at the head of his forces, behind him the column of peasants struggled to keep pace. To either side and to the rear of them, the armies of Wu were spread out defensivly.

_Jiang Ye, my city, is lost. But only for now. . ._

Zhou Yu swore from atop his horse. Zhuge Liang had known of this, he was sure, but had done nothing to warn them. Wu's greatest strategist felt his rage boil as he looked over his shoulder to the burning city. He could see the last of the men fleeing even in the distance.

* * *

Zhou Tai rode hard from the burning northern gates, his men streaming out behind him. They had held for as long as they could, and covered Gan Ning's escape as well as the peasants. But now, it was time to flee. 


	6. Flight

Chapter 6: Flight

Xiahou Dun rode through the ranks of Wu officers and citizens who he was sure felt themselves quite important, to come alongside Sun Jian. Any unease the king may have felt at having a Wei general so close to his person had long since disappeared.

Several things were occurring to Dun. The foremost was that a huge, apparently unstoppable army was being led right to the doorstep of his home. He leaned over and shouted, "Lord Sun Jian, to where do you flee? The Yangtze lies ahead, and beyond that is. . . well I doubt these foreign barbarians will stand by as we ferry your people across!"

"They'll have to swim. Do you have a better idea of where to flee?"

"How about Shu? I hear it's sunny this time of year."

Jian snorted scornfully at the suggestion. "The Wei border lies ahead, and the Shu border weeks- months!- to the west. Even Zhou Yu could fathom the stupidity of such an idea." Riding just behind, Yu scowled.

Xiahou Dun raised a fist in the air. "Then I say that we- that is, you- turn about and meet this foe head on! Push them back, and retake your rat-infested city!" When this didn't get a response, he growled. "This is. . . these Japanese are _your_ problem, not ours! If you cross the river and lead them into Wei, I will- "

Sun Quan drew his horse close to the conversing men. "You will do what? I seem to remember something about a year-long truce. Also, if you think that this is anything short of a full-scale invasion, then that arrow must have pierced your brain as well as you eye!" He shook his head in frustration. "There will be more boats coming, and they will not stop at taking Jiang Ye." He recalled the size of the invading force that had come against the city's walls. _Zhou Tai, shall I ever see your handsome, scarred face again? Is fate so cruel?_

"Maybe we can give them Wu as a peace-offering," Zhang Liao suggested, riding up on the left. "No?"

Taishi Ci drew alongside Liao. "How about we mount your head on a pike, and leave it at Jiang Ye's gates. Surely that ugly face would send them back across the sea."

"But _why_ are they _here_," Xu Huang's voice rose from somewhere behind the other riders. "Why now?"

Sun Jian growled, sounding as threatening as any tiger. "We will worry about that later. For now, we ride to Wei!" With a cry, the king of Wu lifted his sword high to catch the late afternoon sunlight. "Forward! They will not follow us across the river!"

The living river of close to two hundred thousand fleeing people: soldiers, peasants, merchants, nobles and royalty, snaked its way over the land and towards the Yangtze. Those at the head of the procession mounted a rocky rise. Beyond lay the mighty river that divided Wu and Wei.

High above, Pang Tong soared on his green and gold staff, robes flapping in the wind. The thing looked down over the destruction of Jiang Ye, it's face emotionless beneath under its hood. It watched as the two smaller trails of red-garbed Wu soldiers fled from the city, and felt their sadness and fear. Many would have family amongst the refugees, or even amongst the bodies clogging the streets of the capital. They would have no way of knowing who had escaped, and who had perished in the furious Japanese assault.

The strange man from Shu noted a large pursuing force circling swiftly around either side of the city, a testament to the invaders' strength and efficiency. They were cavalry, it saw, and would no trouble at all catching up with those who fled on foot. At least if they remained unhindered. Tong banked sharply to the right.

Below, Zhou Tai turned in his saddle to look back at the samurai army. Hooves thundered in the distance as the pursuing horsemen shifted smoothly into a wedge formation. He yelled to the peasants, urging them on, but knew that there was now little hope of survival. They were too far out from the main force, and only minutes away from being caught up to. Tai felt despair at knowing he had failed in his task, to hold the enemy back while the peasants escaped to safety. Holding the streets of Jiang Ye had been impossible with so few men. Though he knew that fighting to the last man would have ended with the refugees being caught defenceless beyond the city walls, he couldn't help but have doubts about his decision to retreat. They would never reach the Yangtze.

Zhou Tai brought his huge black stallion to a sudden halt. It wheeled about towards what was left of Tai's men, and he drew his sword as the horse rose on it's hind legs. "Band together!" The remaining thirty royal guards came crashing to a halt before their officer, bewildered. Fleeing men, women and children ran by in a panicked blur, leaving an isle of calm where the warriors stood. "Don't just stand there, you fools- form a wedge!"

Hurriedly, the men complied, adopting the formation of their enemies with Zhou Tai at its head. None of them raised any objection to doing so; and all knew what was about to happen. The Wu officer adjusted his helmet and kicked his horse into motion, just a canter for the moment to allow his men to keep pace. One last glance over his shoulder told him that the peasants would have gained at least a few moments lead over the pursuers, provided that the Wu rearguard's wedge could temporarily stagger the Japanese advance.

The mounted warriors closed in, and Zhou Tai estimated at least two thousand men. He picked up speed, and his weary man ran to match it. "Aim for the point of the wedge! Break their momentum!" Just one hundred metres separated the forces. Thirty pikes tilted down to meet the four thousand charging horsemen.

Eighty metres between them. Sixty.

Something plummeted from the sky, like a bird of prey. It descended with a wailing cry, landing, seemingly crashing, amongst the samurai. Zhou Tai drew to a halt as Japanese soldiers and horses were sent flying high into the air by the mysterious object's impact. His men also halted, looking on in amazement as whatever had crashed to the earth worked its way from the back of the enemy wedge to its point, sending men rising and falling in their hundreds. Cries of shock, pain and terror filled the air.

The samurai at the head of the force were hurled up and came crashing down as Pang Tong burst through their ranks. The hunched figure hurtled towards the men of Wu, riding his staff low to the ground. At the last second he came to a dead stop, and the royal guards who had been ready to dive aside hesitated. Zhou Tai blinked, but otherwise did not move.

"_MOVE! RUN," _the thing hissed at him, spittle flying. Tai blinked again, speechless at the turn of events, but looked again to the Japanese force. It had been crippled. Thousands of men and horses alike lay scattered in a huge mess, many with broken limbs, and more than a few dead. The few who hadn't be touched by the baffling offensive tried frantically to calm their panicked horses, all the while scanning the sky and the chaos around them. He noted, too, that some of the affected men were already trying to rise. Horses also began to stand, those that could.

The Wu officer snapped to attention suddenly and rounded on his own men. "Keep moving- run!" From his saddle he looked down upon the strange man who had saved their lives. "Thank you for buying us time, depraved creature!"

They resumed their flight, the men on foot running to the limits of their endurance. Pang Tong ascended again to the sky, but rather that shadowing the forces of Wu, it turned to the west. It needed to report to Master, to let Master know that the danger was even greater than had been feared. The last thing it saw before turning about was that the foreigners had already begun to reassemble.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sun Jian stood at the bank of the Yangtze, thousands upon thousands of Wu soldiers and citizens behind him waiting anxiously for direction. The king merely stood there, watching as the deep, fast-flowing river rushed by. He did not face his people, and opened his mouth several times to speak, only to find he had nothing to say. So many were depending upon him to lead them to safety, and now they had reached the river, he had no idea what to do. So he did nothing.

Zhou Yu tapped Jian on the shoulder lightly. "Um, my lord, could we perhaps hurry things along?"

Sun Jian turned his head slowly to regard his strategist. "How many. . . do you think, will make it to the other side of the river? How many will be swept away in the currents?" Yu started to reply, but Jian grabbed him by the front of his robes and pulled him close, whispering harshly, "Do something! Or can the _great_ Zhou Yu not part the water?" His voice rose with the last sentence, and a cry went up amongst the people. "Hear that? He's going to part the water! We're saved!"

Sun Jian fell back from the bewildered, stuttering Yu. "WHAT? Oh nonono, I cannot- " He was cut off by a barrage of frustrated and fearful shouts. Zhou Yu looked to Jian, who seemed relived to have the matter out of his hands. The vast crowd's cries became more insistent. ". . . cannot wait to be of service," he finished with a sigh, not wanting to see what would happen if he continued to refuse. Woodenly, he turned to face the river.

Zhang Liao reached up to his towering hat. It wasn't even fully dry yet_. Joy, more swimming._

Sun Shang Xiang elbowed Sun Ce. "What is Zhou Yu doing?"

Ce looked to her as if she were stupid. "You ain't hear him? He's parting the river! You the _man_ Zhou Yu!" The people took up a chant, and Ce joined in. _"Part the river! Part the river!"_

Gan Ning's broken troops reached the rear of the main force as Yu took a step closer to the river. _What am I doing? I can't do this, how could I do this? Argh- we're running out of time!_ Thousands watched his every move expectantly, glancing back over their shoulders nervously. Yu placed a toe in the water. _Cold! Cold!_

Retreating, he quickly turned to face the soldiers and refugees. The chanting died as he began to speak. "G-good people of W-wu! I am Zhou Yu, and I am. . . am. . ."

"They're coming," someone yelled from the rear of the force. "Horsemen, pursuing Lord Zhou Tai!"

Sun Quan's cheered. "Zhou Tai! Zhou Yu, part the river now!"

Yu tried to stall for time, but snapped, turning from the river to the people and stomping the ground."I! CAN'T! PART! THE!_ RIVER!_"

Loud gasps went up through the assembled people, and jaws dropped. Hushing whispering and disbelieving shouts rose up. Zhou Yu put folded his arms. "Is it _really _that suprising? I'm a strategist, by the heavens, not a sorcerer! We can't all be like the _incredible_ Zhuge Liang!" It was at that point that Yu realised the people were staring past him. The man slowly turned around.

The Yangtze was beginning to recede, rising up on either side to create a clear path to the northern bank. Walls of churning water rose up rose up before the thousands of disbelieving eyes. Zhou Yu's expression was as blank as his mind. "H-h-h-how is. . . this-" He considered the situation as people began to cheer his name. Not understanding something was no reason not to take advantage of it. "Yes, I have parted the water! Let us go!"

The entire procession surged towards the now-bare riverbed, and the river parted further and wider as the refugees poured in. Zhou Yu rode at their head, alongside a confused Sun Jian. The people trickled slowly through at first, but as the break in the water became wider, many more made their way across. Everyone eyed the roaring liquid walls with fear and amazement, but no-one stopped or slowed. The whole nearly two hundred thousand crossed the river in a matter of frantic minutes. Soon, the last of Gan Ning's men had reached the other side.

On the other side, Sun Jian led the refugees up hill, not stopping after crossing and not looking back. Zhou Yu broke free of the others and turned about, riding back a short way. He looked back to the river, and saw Zhou Tai and his few remaining men charging desperately for the gap in the water. Right on their heels came one thousand of the Japanese cavalry. Taishi Ci appeared to the Zhou Yu's left, and a teary-eyed Sun Quan to his right. The three watched the unfolding scene in silence.

Zhou Tai plunged into the parted river, his men running desperately for their lives either side of him. Mounted men streamed after them, hooves drumming hard on the riverbed. Tai gritted his teeth as one of his men felt behind. Seconds later he heard a scream over the roaring water. The royal guards had long since discarded their heavy pikes, and ran on defenceless.

The roaring intensified, and water sprayed Zhou Tai's face. He glanced back, and his eyes widened. The walls were coming down.

Torrents of water slammed into the cavalry who had reached the riverbed. Men screamed as they were swept away by the mighty current. The river fell in upon itself like a house of cards collapsing. The last of the Wu force ran headlong for the other bank, water swallowing up the ground behind a second after their feet left it. Zhou Tai heard another man fall behind, but didn't look back.

The men reached the other side just as the path through the river disappeared completely. Displaced water churned and crashed against the bank, and Zhou Tai wheeled his horse to look across the wide river, and the surviving Japanese on the other side. He looked from them to the gasping, weary soldiers at his feet. They were safe, for now.

Uphill, Zhou Yu and Taishi Ci grinned, and Sun Quan shouted with joy, riding down to meet the heroic officer. Ci clapped Yu on the shoulder. "I had no idea you possessed such magic! You truly are a brilliant man, Lord Zhou Yu." Ci chuckled admiringly before turning to ride and rejoin Sun Jian.

Zhou Yu rubbed his chin_. What under Heaven just happened? Did_ I_ part the water?_ He shook his head wonderingly, then looked up as something caught his eye. A single, white feather descended towards him, carried by a gentle breeze. On impulse, he reached out and let it land lightly in the palm of his hand. _Could it be? Is this a sign that the Heavens favour me?_ He turned it over, and noticed something scrawled neatly on the other side.

_Do not bother thanking me, Zhou Yu. I was glad to be of assistance-_ ZL

_. . . what is. . . the river was. . . wait, ZL? _Yu's expression darkened, he crushed the feather in his fist. "Zhuge Liang- you parted the water, didn't you? You smug bastard!"


	7. Plans

Chapter 7:

Yukinaga settled onto the floor of his apartment in the castle of Jiang Ye but grimaced at the lack of a proper cushion or dais to sit on. Across from him sat Kuroda Nagamasa, one of the other three high generals who had lead the landing in Wu's territory initially.

In between them sat a table that had been brought from Japan, so it was decently at the knee level on the Japanese men, and a teapot. Both men were relaxed and dressed in the male version of a kimono, but they both had their swords close at hand.

The two men were Christians though, and that was a rarity for two Christians to be placed at such high levels, but Hideyoshi truly trusted these two men.

"How did your units fair in the battle with these Chinese?" Nagamasa asked as Yukinaga poured his guest tea.

Yukinaga grimaced at the question, "They faired well, up until we attempted to cut off the fleeing rabble. And then something odd happened and we were unable to continue pursuit."

Nagamasa did not react visibly, but he did pause before taking a sip of the tea just poured for him, "I see," was all he said.

"Do you think this war is wise, Simeon?" Yukinaga asked using Nagamasa's Christian name.

"Whether or not it is wise, it is the wish of our Lord, John," Nagamasa said, using Yukinaga's Christian name, "But enough of such sad talk, what poetry do you have for me?"

Yukinaga brightened as he pulled one from his mind.

"The home is empty

why? I wish that I did know

Oh! Check out that Tree!"

Nagamasa blinked, "I don't understand it," he said flatly.

Yukinaga straightened, "What do you mean you don't understand it? It's really a simple poem!"

"Well you start out alright, but then you go completely off topic!" Nagamasa said.

"That's what you do in every _Haiku_!"

"Not really," Nagamasa said calmly as he sipped his tea.

"Alright then Simeon, you do one."

Nagamasa looked up at the ceiling for a moment and then said,

"The sky stands still

The water is grey today

Away, a bird cries out."

"See you just did it!"

"I did not!"

"_Away, a bird calls out?_ You were talking about the water and the sky, what does a bird have to do with it?"

Nagamasa's eyes blazed up, "It _completes_ the picture."

"What picture? You still changed the topic!"

Nagamasa waved an arm, "Alright alright! Enough poetry. What have we learned about the rabble that populates these lands?"

Yukinaga closed his mouth with a retort on his tongue, "Alright, fine. We have learned only the basics about this country, which we should have learned before we started this invasion…"

Nagamasa waved him along, and Yukinaga said, "Where's Kato? I don't want to repeat this later…"

Nagamasa shrugged, "Hunting tigers."

Yukinaga groaned, "Again? Doesn't he realize that there are no tigers anywhere near this district?"

Nagamasa laughed, "I'll bet you that he'll take the heads off of more soldiers then tigers, but anyway go on. Tell me what you have learned."

"Well just like the rest of China, this place is as different from Japan as a man is from a woman. They are divided into only three kingdoms, instead of the tens and hundreds that our country was divided into until recently."

"Only three?" Nagamasa said choking on his tea, "How did they manage that? I mean, we're only what? A fraction of their size and we only became one country recently? This could create problems…"

"What do you…" he was interrupted by a rapping sound near the entrance of the room and Yukinaga got up to examine the door.

_How does this confounded contraption work again?_ He wondered to himself, and he reached under the door as though to wrench it open. He heard Nagamasa clear his throat behind him.

"John, you see that brass knob there? I think you twist it," Nagamasa said, "And then pull on it."

Yukinaga nodded his thanks, "Thank you, Simeon-san," he said.

Pulling open the door, why couldn't the Chinese have something sensible like walls made out of paper? He would have to see that that was changed later.

Behind the door stood the figure of Ieysau Tokugawa who bowed to Yukinaga, "Pardon me Yukinaga-san, but I had something I wished to discuss with you."

Yukinaga bowed in return and let him into the room. Attempting to close the door, Yukinaga nearly jumped in surprise when it slammed loudly.

After pleasantries and tea were poured for the famous strategist, they got down to the reason for Ieysau's visit.

"As you know, I am not in command of the forces here because I did not bring a large enough number of my own arms men here. I have done a little bit of my own research around the city and I have come to these conclusions," Ieyasu said.

"One, the Chinese have been fighting for almost continuous wars for the past century, and are use to warfare. Two, although we caught them by surprise each of the three kingdoms here have large standing armies and fierce warriors, making this war one that will be hard fought to win. Three, our initial plans for invading this country were based on the assumption that this land was divided like we were once, but we need to strike a lethal blow at the other two kingdoms fast rather then wait. If we do that, they will overwhelm us."

Nagamasa was nodding, "I too have come to similar conclusions. But why don't you tell our Lord this?"

Ieyasu shrugged, "He's out in the city."

Yukinaga frowned, "Doing what?'

"Collecting ears."

"Ah."

"I tell you this because we need to be ready to move quickly, we need to get across that river to the north and strike a decisive blow to the kingdom named Wei."

Yukinaga leaned forward, "And how do you purpose getting our thousands and thousands of warriors across that large river to the north? Part the waters?"

Ieyasu shook his head, "We build a bridge."

Yukinaga and Nagamasa looked truly startled, "What? How?" both said at once.

Ieyasu smiled, "Julius Caesar did the same thing over the Rhine you know, so we can do it too."

"…who's Julius Caesar?"

Ieyasu's smile slipped, "Uh, never mind. Anyway, we should build this bridge; it's the best way to get across the river."

Nagamasa nodded, "Alright, makes sense. I'll talk to my engineers tomorrow."

"Good, now if you excuse me I must go." Ieyasu said abruptly and walked across the room so swiftly, he forgot to open the door. The resounding _smack_ that followed forced the famous _Daimyo _to bounce off of the door by about four paces, and fall to the floor.

Getting quickly to his feet, he turned to them, "We can make the bridge out of these cursed doors." He quickly opened the door and walked out.

The two friends exchanged looks, "I agree with Ieyasu," Yukinaga said, and Nagamasa smiled.


	8. The War Council

Chapter 8: The War Council

It was a quiet evening at Cheng Du, a parallel to the violence running wild in the east. The hour was not yet late, but most of the city's people would be at home rather than out on the darkened streets. A gentle blew swept over the land, through the fields and farms, into the streets and up to the walls of Cheng Du Castle, where a man stood.

Zhuge Liang heard footsteps behind him, but did not turn. He continued to squint into his telescope, which he had set up on the castle's eastern wall. There he stood for several minutes, remaining silent and utterly focused on the clear night's sky. Focused on reading the future.

Liu Bei cleared his throat loudly, but the sound seemed to go unnoticed. The king of Shu tried this several more times, until finally saying quietly, "Zhuge Liang, may I speak with you?"

Liang opened his left eye and rotated it to see Bei. The strategist sighed and began to stand upright from his hunched position. He let out a cry of suprise, and found that he could take his eye from the viewing lense. "Oh no."

Liu Bei frowned. "Zhuge Liang, did you not hear me? I wish a word with you, please."

"In a moment, my lord. I appear to be. . . stuck." To demonstrate, he gave the telescope a tug, then winced slightly. "This is most inconvenient."

Where most people would have laughed, Liu Bei looked genuinely concerned. "Let me help you. We will just get you inside and- "

"I would prefer. . . not to. Arrh!" Zhuge Liang staggered backwards, the telescope coming free from its stand. The long silver tube swung about, and Bei ducked as it arced for his head. Liang's arms flailed as one foot went out from under him, and he tipped back towards the parapets. Liu Bei lunged and grabbed hold of the telescope, steadying the strategist. The shaft of silver was now the only thing keeping him from falling. From the nearest guard house along the wall came howls of laughter.

Zhuge Liang grimaced. "Lord Liu Bei, this is quite uncomfortable. Please help me to stand." The king of Shu did so carefully, and the strategist immediately went back to yanking at the telescope. Liu Bei looked away as the object came free with a sickening pop.

Zhuge Liang stood panting, holding the telescope at arms length. He had a black eye, but otherwise seemed entirely unruffled by the incident. Liu Bei frowned. "Are you all right?"

". . .yes." He raised his voice for those in the guard house to hear. "But if anyone ever speaks a word of this, I will feed them worms." The laugher died instantly, to be replaced by confused silence. Then it started again, and Zhuge Liang frowned sharply. "Do you not take me seriously?"

Liu Bei looked embarrassed on Liang's behalf. "My friend, I believe you meant to say 'I will feed them 'to the' worms.' "

"That is what I said." Glaring at the guard house, Liang tucked the telescope into his robes, where it promptly disappeared. Bei shook his head. 'No, you threatened to- argh!"

The king of Shu and Cheng Du's White Wizard ducked as something shot overhead, just above the wall. Liu Bei drew his sword and spun as the object flew by the castle's keep. Zhuge Liang began to chant softly. "M'itonnamuras, M'itontsenoh. . ."

The thing turned back sharply, as if it had over shot, and came hurtling back at the king and the strategist. Three soldiers from the guard house came charging out, fumbling with their halberds. A ball of blue light crackled to life in Liang's hand, and he raised it before him.

Pang Tong pulled up smoothly this time, once again dismounting to find himself surrounded by pointy objects. The strange man's flying staff hovered a foot in the air beside him.

Liu Bei sheathed his sword and waved his arms at the men. "Stand down, stand down! This is Pang Tong, the man I sent to Jian Ye to sign the Kingdoms Truce!" Halberds were lifted, and the thing glowered at the guards. "Naaasty. . ."

Zhuge Liang extinguished whatever he had conjured, and Bei stooped to Tong's level. "It is done then? The truce has been signed by all?"

"I already informed you that such was the case," Liang murmured, rubbing his black eye. "The board is set. The pieces are moving." His thoughts went to the events of earlier that day, in Wu. Parting the Yangtze had taken a great deal of effort, and had saved untold lives. A lesser man would have been furious that the deed had been attributed to another, to Zhou Yu, but Liang did not mind at all. For the life of him, he could not understand why the Wu strategist hated him so. Any rivalry the man perceived was purely in his head, the Shu strategist mused. It was obvious to him that Zhou Yu was inferior, and felt no bitterness or ill-will towards his 'colleague.'

The thing nodded its agreement to Bei's question, and produced the royal seal. "Here, Master. Shiny Thing" The king hesistantly accepted it, but was careful to not actually touch the hunched man. He then turned from the thing to Zhuge Liang. "I merely wished to be certain. Then the men from across the sea, these Japanese, are truly laying waste to Wu? Jian Ye has truly fallen?" Both strategists nodded, and Bei spat a rather tame expletive. '"It is just as you predicted."

"That is why they are called predictions, rather than guesses, or assumptions," Liang said patiently. "I believe you wished to speak with me, my lord? We have much to discuss, and plans to make." That last part was not strictly true, he knew. _I planned around these events days ago._

Liu Bei nodded curtly and strode off towards the guard house, and the stairs within. Pang Tong ambled along at his heel, and Zhuge Liang glided at his other side. The man could have easily floated down to the courtyard, but he deemed that to be 'showing off.'

Not long after that, the three were seated in the castle's war room, many of Shu's finest generals and officers in attendance. Eight of the ten places at the circular table were occupied, and attention inevitably drifted to the two empty chairs. Everyone's focus shifted to the room's entrance when raised voices were heard approaching from the other side.

The doors to the great, round chamber were thrown open, admitting Ma Chao and Zhao Yun. The two were engaged in a brutal shouting match. ". . . father a man, mother a horse- any wonder you can ride so well!"

"Oh, the babysitter has claws! Too bad he does not have balls."

"Gutless centaur-freak!"

"Silence," Guan Yu boomed from his seat on Liu Bei's right. It had the desired effect. Glaring at each other, the rivals shuffled to their seats. Zhao Yun's eye's flicked to the great map of China spread across the table.

"Thank you, brother." The king rose, and cleared his throat before speaking. "My friends. . . we are in a great deal of trouble." He paused to let the gravity of his words sink in, unaware they contained about as much gravity as an asteroid. "Since our last council it has been confirmed; Wu is under attack by Japan, the nation across the sea. Jian Ye has fallen, as many other cities doubtlessly have, and Lord Sun Jian has fled to Wei." Now the others began to grow more concerned, and Liu Bei silenced their whispers by continuing. "These invaders call themselves 'samurai,' and are great warriors and horsemen. They possess weapons the like of which we have never before seen; great, wall-sundering contraptions that launch fearsome missiles, and staves that kill as if by magic!"

There was silence for a few moments. "Don't we already have those," Huang Zhong wheezed noisily.

Liu Bei frowned in sudden puzzlement. "Well. . . we do, but. . ." He looked to Zhuge Liang for support. The wizard rose immediately, and Bei sat back down. "These weapons are far more potent and destructive than any I have ever encountered. Missiles that explode upon impact, each with the potential to level walls, and kill dozens. Staves that can kill a man from a distance, yet require no proficiency in the mystical arts to weild."

"Let them. . . have. . . Wu," Wei Yan grated from behind his favourite new mask. It was the face of a panda.

Zhuge Liang wrinkled his nose slightly. "Please, leave the thinking to me. And the speaking. . . in fact, you may as well just wait outside." Yan glowered threateningly, and did not move. Liang ignored him, and gestured to the map. "The armies of the samurai will sweep the entire land, not just Wu. I have seen this. A time of chaos is upon us all, and if our kingdom stands alone, and leaves others to do the same, we shall all be consumed by the flames of conquest."

Zhang Fei, as usual somewhat drunk, raised his voice. "And what else has your cheap trickery told you?

"The stars say that unless we unite, we will fall. That is all you need to know."

Ma Chao leaned forward dangerously. "And what do you suggest? That we ally with Cao Cao, that tyrant?

"As unsavoury as the idea is, I fear we must consider it," Liu Bei said. "With Sun Jian, as well."

Zhuge Liang fanned himself without enthusiasm. "Even then it may not be enough. Though our combined forces will almost certainly prove superior in number to the Japanese invaders, we will be at a great disadvantage." He jabbed a finger at Wei on the map. "The forces of the samurai will soon march on Wei, to conquer its cities and to capture those who fled from Wu. Unless turned back, they will then fix their gaze upon Shu, and we fall like rice to a scythe"

Liu Bei folded his arms. "Then we must hold them at Wei!" Shouts of disapproval rose, but Guan Yu beat his fists against the table top. He nodded in Zhuge Liang's direction. "You heard what the wizard said. _I_ cannot stand by and let Wu and Wei fall, not if it will mean the demise of Shu!" Their were mumbles of agreement, but also more cries of dissent.

"Then we must split the forces," Zhao Yun declared, coming to his lord's aid. "March to reinforce Wei, and move to strike at the roots of the invasion, in Wu!"

Ma Chao immediately chose the other side of the debate. "And leave Shu undefended? No, we should stay and fight the enemy on our own ground." He glanced at Zhuge Liang. "That is, if they attack us at all."

"Changed. . . mind. Want. . . fight!" Reluctantly, more and more began to agree.

"It is decided then. We must defend our kingdom, and to do that we must band together." Liu Bei reached under the table and produced a bag full of small, wooden objects, painted red and blue. He passed them to Liang, who began positioning them on the map, along the Wei and Wu borders. Zhao Yun smirked triumphantly. Ma Chao growled, but said nothing.

The council continued long into the night, with Zhuge Liang doing most of the talking. By the next day, the soldiers of Shu were ready to march.


	9. Crossings

Chapter 9: Crossing

Tokugawa Ieyasu stood on the banks of the river Yangtze River and slapped his open palm against the pommel of his saddle. The bridge had been completed in 11 days, after enlisting the help of several thousand of the local peasants into arduous working days.

Eleven. Caesar had done it in ten, and that grated at Ieyasu.

Now the thousands of soldiers were marching across the river on the newly constructed bridge into the territory that had been labeled as "Wei" territory, and it was lead by one "Cao Cao." Most of the remaining locals generally feared that an invasion from Wei would come at anytime, but those fears turned to hopes when Toyotomi's armies had secured Wu so easily.

Now the Japanese forces had two problems to worry about: Shu and Wei, so the forces had been split with a third lead under Kato Kiyomasa to guard the flank to the west against Shu and the other two thirds spearheading the attack into Wei.

Ieyasu drummed his fingers along the rim of his oversized helmet as he surveyed his own assortment of troops. They numbered roughly near about five hundred strong, which was not very large for a _Daimyo _of his status.

Not smart, but then again, not stupid. If this so-called 'invasion of the world' turned out to be a disaster, then at least _his_ troops wouldn't feel the shortages that Yukinaga or Nagamasa or those other fools would feel.

Suddenly, one of the doors that made up the length of the bridge that was crossing the river into Wei territory flew open, spilling the unfortunate troops into the river below. Screams and shouts were heard as the soldiers flailed about in the water below the hole. Other soldiers and retainers raced to grab the flailing men.

Angrily one of the officers shouted down at the panicking men, and the wet soldiers stopped flailing their arms and stood up. The water came up to their waist with no problem.

Rubbing his eyes in irritation, Ieyasu was realized he was _very_ glad he didn't bring his own armies to this foreign land.

A common soldier was making his way through the bodyguard that surrounded Ieyasu, clearly making for the mighty warlord himself. Patiently, Ieyasu watched the soldier approach out of the corner of his eye until he put himself prone in front of Ieyasu's horse.

"My lord, the scouts have returned to report that the armies of Wu are still in full retreat. The scouts report no sign of a rearguard or any other attempt to block our advance north."

Ieyasu mulled that over in his mind for a while, "Have the Wu forces met any resistance from the regional warlords?" he asked finally.

"I do not believe so, my lord," the soldier said, "The scouts did not report anything of that nature."

At that moment, the cavalry of Konishi Yukinaga rolled past and across the bridge as the last of the infantry climbed off of the bridge. The door that had flung open was now sealed shut and reinforced so that such an issue was not repeated.

"Very well," Ieyasu said as he pursed his lips in thought, "Tell the scouts to explore the regions to the west of this crossing, namely the town named Hefei. It is imperative that they get accurate information concerning that garrison. Make sure they understand that."

"Yes, my lord," the sentry said before jumping off to carry out his commands.


	10. The Genius of Cao Cao

Chapter 10: The Genius of Cao Cao

Thunder rolled and crashed above the city of Xu Chang, and rain drummed down on the tiled roof of its great castle. The sounds of the storm carried all though the complex's wooden halls, causing ornaments and wall tapestries to shake slightly. Dark clouds swirled in the night sky, and lightning flashed, illuminating the private appartments of Wei's king. . .

Cao Cao's right fist wrapped around a straw doll- a poor likeness of Liu Bei. He squeezed tightly and shook it. _"But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me!" _In his other hand he waved a Zhuge Liang effigy. _"He's just a poor boy, from a poor family! Spare him his life of this monstrosity!"_

The king jiggled Bei's doll. _"Easy come, easy go- will you let me go?" _With a snarl he twisted the doll's head off. _"Bismillah- no, we will not let you go!" _Lightning crashed agian, and the king cackled manically.

Outside the king's door, a figure froze with its back against the wall. He glanced around the hallway and pressed an ear to the wall's surface. Voices! He had been sure that Cao Cao would not have company at this hour. No matter- he would not be dissuaded from his mission, even if an innocent was within the apartments. Like an avenging angle of death, he would swept into the room and cut the king down, and any who stood in his way. Vengeance would be his- but first he would listen a little. . .

_"Mama mia let me go. . ."_

The figure wore a perplexed expression as he listened to several more rambling sentences, before slowly turning the door handles and slipping silently into the room. With great care he closed it again, and turned. His eyes darted about the poorly lit room, and rested on the king. The sight of Cao Cao sitting on his huge bed, pulling the arms off a helpless Zhuge Liang, was enough to give even a ruthless killer pause. But not for long.

Zhang He reached slowly into his dark cloak, and out came a long, wicked dagger. Stealthily, the butterfly enthusiast ghosted along the outskirts of the large, plush room, unseen by the already occupied Cao Cao. He gave a disgusted shake of his head. So, the king really _was _losing his mind. Well, that was still no excuse for yesterday's golden shower. That urinating incident had awakened in Zhang He a side of himself that he had not shown in several years- a side that no living person knew anything about. Somewhere, buried beneath layer upon layer of refined elegance and strangeness, lay a twisted and self-serving sociopath.

The assassin blinked. It had been a while since he had first come to Wei, and become 'Zhang He', the great and noble officer. Cao Cao and his generals had gladly welcomed the talented warrior into their ranks, swallowing almost every aspect of his newly invented persona. They never believed that he was a woman, though, as had been the plan, but that was not essential to his new identity. The only thing that really mattered was that they never linked him to any of the brutal murders he had committed under his previous name and guise. But then who would ever associate the cultured and feminine Zhang He with his former identity, 'Wang the Crazed Committer of Brutal Murders?'

He stiffened as lightning flashed, but Cao Cao didn't seem to notice the intruder. The assassin approached quietly, his face hidden under a deep cowl. The king had his back to him, and was busy tearing a Yuan Shao effigy in half. Zhang He slowly raised his dagger, clutching it in both hands. _You pissed off- no, pissed _on _the wrong man, Lord Cao Cao! You demeaned and disgraced me! Now I shall have my revenge. Now, I shall kill you- _

The doors to the king's appartments burst open, admitting a panting Dian Wei. "My lord, Wu is-" Seeing the dark-roded assassin, the bodyguard halted mid-sentence. Cao Cao let out a squawk upon hearing Wei enter, and another when he spotted the cloaked intruder. "Aeiih, Zuo Ci is back! Save meee!"

Dian Wei hurtled forward, axe in hand. Zhang He went swiftly into action, taking running steps towards Cao Cao and somersaulting high over the king. He landed in a tight roll beyond the bed, cursing the interruption. Dian Wei pursued the would-be murderer across the room, but the more agile officer easily made it to a window. With ease, he tore free the elaborate metal grate covering the opening and discarded it. He heard the bodyguard's pounding steps behind him as he dove out the window, running into the night. Lightning flashed high in the sky, and Zhang He cursed his luck that night. _Drenched in cow pee. . . this is not over, you weak-bladdered fiend._

Dian Wei bashed his axe down on the window sill. "Dammit! My lord, the intruder is escaping! Where was Xu Zhu, that lazy fat turd?"

"I don't care! You let Zuo Ci escape, you worthless dog!" Cao Cao threw Yuan Shao's legs at the man.

Dian Wei swore as he replaced the window covering. _Zuo Ci? Does my lord still believe that his imaginary magician friend is real? Aging does strange things to the mind. . . _Wei shook his head and hefted his axe. "I will take men and hunt down. . . Zuo Ci, but you must hurry to the war room- Wu's armies have crossed our southern border!"

Cao Cao commenced one of his famous mood swings and yawned. "Uwrhh. . . that's nice. You are dismissed; I'm going sleepybyes now."

Dian Wei opened his mouth, trying to form words for several seconds. ". . . My lord, did you hear what I said? We are being invaded! Lord Cao Pi is assembling your generals as we speak!"

"Really? Well, don't stay up too late." The king set aside his dismembered toys and rolled onto his side.

"But- "

"Time to go to Dreamland. One sheep. . . two sheep. . . three sheep. . ."

Dian Wei sighed and left the room defeated.

Shouts and whispers alike filled Xu Chang Castle's war room, and only increased as more officers filed into the room. When the doors banged shut after admitting the last officers in the broken line, and all were seated, two chairs remained empty. No-one seemed to notice though, aside from Cao Pi.

"All right, what do we know?" Cao Pi demanded loudly of the assembled war council. Around the long, rectangular table, all went silent. Pi was relieved to see that his father's chair remained unoccupied, and though he quietly entertained notions of filling it himself, those were thoughts for another day. For now he was just glad the old bastard wouldn't be getting in his way.

Cao Pi watched as Sima Yi rose, but his eyes flicked to the other empty chair in the room. His frigid gaze slowly swept over the assembled generals and officers. In his mind, he carefully counted and accounted for everyone who should be present. It didn't take long to realise that it was Zhang He who was absent- it would have been impossible to miss his irritating babbling. Pi made a note to discipline him later, and he whispered it to Zhen Ji at his side.

Sima Yi cleared his throat. "Greetings. Allow me to explain the current situation- "

"Why did you deploy half of Wei's forces to Xia Pi and Shang Dang?" Cheng Yu interrupted.

"I, uh-"

"Yes, that was unbelievably stupid," Cao Zhi, one of Pi's brothers, seconded. "Do you even know what you are doing?" Murmurs echoing the accusation began to fill the room.

Yi began to sweat. _What do I tell them? The truth: that I give orders when I am intoxicated? No, that would kill my credibility. . . There must be a way to avoid all responsibility- think, you genius, think! _He did for a moment, anda thin smile slowly wound its way around the strategist's face. He spread his hands before him. "I was merely following Lord Cao Cao's orders. You know how _he_ can be sometimes."

Cheng Yu looked stunned, and Cao Zhi flushed with embarrassment. "Oh oh, I did not realise! My apologies, Lord Sima Yi." He bowed his head deeply.

Before Yi could say anything else, the general Wang Lang cleared his throat. "Where is his Lordship Cao Cao? We cannot discuss this without his presence here!"

As if on cue, a messenger knocked and entered the room with his head bowed. Crossing the room swiftly, he stooped to whisper briefly in Cao Pi's ear, then departed just as swiftly, pulling the doors closed on his way out. All attention turned to the king's son

"Father is resting," Cao Pi said flatly. "An assassin made an attempt on his life a short time ago." Gasps stole air from the room, but any jabbed questions were silenced as Pi continued. "Fear not, no harm came to the king. Evidently the assassin was not capable of dispatching a defenceless old man." _Such a pity. If the fool is captured, I shall be sure to reprimand him for his incompetence, perhaps alongside Zhang He._

Sima Yi cleared his throat again, and those gathered went quiet as he leaned forward to the great map spread across the table. He traced a finger along where the Yangtze River divided Wei from Wu, and pointed to its northern bank. "Runners from the south of Wei arrived here at Xu Chang a short time ago, bearing grave news. Early yesterday morning, a patrol out from He Fei spotted a force of at least one hundred thousand Wu soldiers, not so far out from the city." He paused to let his words sink in. "This can only mean that our offer of a truce has been rejected by that treacherous swine Sun Jian, and that Lords Xiahou Dun, Zhang Liao and Xu Huang. . . are dead."

Chairs skidded back as officers and generals rose to their feet shouting. Fingers pointed to Wu on the map, and oaths of vengeance were sworn. When words failed to quell the uproar, Sima Yi clapped his hands twice, sending a wild gust of wind through the room. It had the desired effect, and once Cheng Yu had nervously set the map back on the table, Yi began to pace around the now-seated generals. Satisfied that there would be no further interruptions, he spoke again. "It is not known how Wu massed such a huge force to take advantage of our current situation, nor is it known how they managed to cross the river in such a short time, without us detecting their activities. What is most baffling about this invasion, however, is that among the enemy soldiers are. . . peasants. Thousands of them. More than there are warriors."

Throughout the briefing, Cao Pi's face had remained expressionless. Now he looked slightly puzzled. "They sounds more like refugees."

Yi snorted. "Refugees from what, my lord? Locusts? Hah- or maybe even from a _Shu _invasion?"

"It was merely an observation," Pi growled. "Now, since your Kingdoms Truce strategy has failed so miserably, without buying us even a week of extra time to regroup our forces, I would assume- I would _hope- _that you have formed another plan of action. He Fei has no more than a few thousand defenders, and added to that, moral will be despairingly low following the death of Zhang Liao." His gaze bored into Yi. "How do you propose we handle the situation?"

Sima Yi frowned angrily. "Must I think of everything?"

Without warning, the double doors flew open wide, and King Cao Cao bounded jovially into the room. The gathered people stared, awestruck, as their lord began to sing at the top of his lungs.

"I can't believe the news today! Oh, I can't close my eyes and make it go away!" Awe turned to horror as Cao unbuckled his belt, dropping his pants around his ankles. "How long? How long must we sing this song? How long, HOW _LOOOOOOONG!"_

Zhen Ji choked. "My eyes, my ears!" Around the table, people cringed in disgust.

Cao Pi shot to his feet in fury. "Father, what the _hell_ are you doing?"

The king raised an eyebrow at his son. "Eh? I am here to make plans, of course!" He turned about quickly, the movement causing loose areas to flap about. Whistling merrily, he made his way to his empty seat, pulling his pants up as he went. "Right, my friends, what is it we shall do?"

Wang Lang swallowed his horror and sighed in frustration. "Perhaps you would like to send half the army to Bai Di, in the west? That is, the half that you haven't already sent to Shang Dang and Xia Pi!"

Gasps rose up at the general's boldness, but before Lang could be rebuked, Sima Yi cackled loudly. "That's it! That's it! Oh, I am _good!" _Cao Pi and the others waited in anticipation, though Pi still manged to look bored.Yi triumphantly pointed out Xia Pi on the map, the city being northeast from He Fei. "Do you see? The men Lord Cao Cao sent to Xia Pi, those thousands who were so far from the front lines, who we thought were poorly placed!" He shook his head, in awe of his own genius. "The order to regroup at Xu Chang went outmore than a week ago, so the men at Xia Pi are no doubt on their way back to the capital as we speak. Hah, we need merely divert their course slightly south, to He Fei!" The strategist folded his arms with satisfaction.

Cheng Yu let out a hoot and flew to his feet applauding. "My, that is _brilliant! _Three cheers for the amazing foresight of Lord Cao Cao!"

The grinned faded from Sima Yi's face. ". . .What?"

Yue Jin led the cheering. "Hah, only our Lord Cao Cao would have known to send troops to Xia Pi like that! Thank the Heavens for his leadership!"

Cao Cao grinned. "Oh, it was nothing- I don't even know what I did!"

Yi stiffened in rage. _You didn't do anything, you senile fool! It was ME!_ "Yes. . . well done, Lord Cao Cao. . ."

Cao Pi nodded. "Excellent, father. You have no doubt silenced any who believed you witless and redundant." He turned to the gathering. "All right, then. The forces of Wu are inside our territory, and we must set aside our grief for the fallen to remedy that. Stationed at He Fei is Lord Cao Ren, a man renowned for his defensive tactics, and I am confident that he will be able to hold firm until reinforcements arrive, whether he choses to defend the walls or take to the field. Cao Zhi, dispatch messengers to intercept Xiahou Yuan and the Xia Pi force and tell them to make for He Fei with all haste. Yu Jin, send word to the men coming back from Shang Dang, and tell them to march double-time to the Shu border. It would not be the first time that Wu and Shu have launched a joint attack against us."

Red and blue counters were positioned across the map to represent troop movements, and more orders were given. Cao Pi leaned back in his chair, Zhen Ji's hand resting on his knee. The king's son had a distinct feeling that large pieces of the puzzle were still missing.

Over one hundred and fifty thousand Wu men and women were spread out across the plains before He Fei castle, covering a great area of ground. As Zhou Yu had ordered, they had halted a safe distance beyond arrow range, and now both peasants and soldiers were bent over, or on the ground gasping. There had been precious little time for rest between Jian Ye and He Fei, despite that the journey had taken several days. At least another thirty thousand had not yet reached the temporary camp, and were arriving in clusters. Wounded soldiers, including Gan Ning, were being tended to near the centre of the huge throng. Zhou Tai had resumed rearguard action despite the insistence of many, and led a newly-replenished force of one and a half thousand cavalry. Reports from his scouts confirmed their fear: the Japanese had crossed the river and were once again in pursuit. They had yet to cross one other section of river, though- a great tributary of the Yangtze, stretching closer to He Fei than the rest of the river.

Sun Jian, his three children, Zhou Yu and the three Wei generals stood apart from the massive crowd, clustered in a small circle. Several other decorated officers stood close at hand, close enough to hear what was being said. "-I will not march up to the gates of He Fei and present myself for capture!" Sun Jian boiled with rage and indignation.

Xu Huang glowered. "Are you accusing Wei of treachery? It was we who drafted the truce!"

"Oh yes," Jian sneered. "What a _shining _gesture of peace and goodwill! I'm sure it was not designed to buy time while Sima Yi corrected a certain, rather large failure!" The king angrily swept an arm out to take in all the peasants and warriors behind him. "My people have been forced from their homes by a terrifying army from across the sea, that we know next to nothing about. They are cold, hungry, tired and afraid, and I am not about to waste time while- "

Zhang Liao frowned sharply. "In case you have somehow missed the obvious, you have brought with you quite a sizeable entourage. One who did not know better might mistake it for an invading force." Liao pointed to the walls of He Fei before them. The setting sun glinted off thousands of spearheads and helmets, worn by the hundreds of grim-faced men who stood atop the crenelated walls. "We must inform them of the situation, and you must accompany us."

"I agree," Zhou Yu spoke up. "Your placing yourself at the mercy of Wei's defenders may be the only thing that can truly convince them that we are not of ill intent." A hand closed around the front of Yu's robe and pulled the man forward. Xiahou Dun held him aloft easily, teeth gritted. "I'll crush your throat like a tapeworm! I warned you not to bring th-these _samurai _to Wei! What do you think will happen when the samurai arrive at He Fei- its walls are no stronger than Jian Ye's!" He shook the man violently. "When I march into the city, I shall be telling Lord Cao Ren to bar the gates, and cut down any who approach!"

Sun Ce and Xu Huang came forward and forcefully separated Dun from Yu. The strategist fell back into Sun Quan, who steadied him, as Huang and Liao hauled Dun to his feet, shouting at him. Sun Jian snarled and drew his sword. "That is why I refuse to enter He Fei unguarded! Taishi Ci, Cheng Pu- bind their hands!"

Xu Huang protested as he was grabbed from behind. With a roar, he hauled the assailant over his shoulder, sending him crashing to the ground. Zhang Liao grinned widely as he kneed Tashi Ci in the crotch, before being set upon by Shang Xiang and Sun Ce. Above the roar of the unfolding brawl, Zhou Yu's voice rose. "Stop! Cease this at once!" Suprisingly, they did. Parting a river always did wonders for your credibility. "Lord Sun Jian, I believe I may have a compromise. . ."

Sun Jian, Zhang Liao and Xu Huang rode out across the plains to the gates of He Fei. As their hoof beats faded to a distant drumming, Xiahou Dun let out a stream of vile curses. A spear prodded him in the back, and he turned to see a grinning Sun Shang Xiang. "Quiet, you! You had better hope your friends do not harbour any thoughts of treachery, because if they hurt father. . ." She drew a finger across her throat. Dun grimaced_. I cannot believe that I am collateral._

A few hours later, Sun Jian returned to his force, bringing word that the forces of Wu would be welcomed, on the word of Zhang Liao, Defender of He Fei


	11. The Battle of Hefei

Author's note: Anyone who has previously read this chapter will know of the later events involving Sun Ce. In the interest of, well, being more interesting, we have edited and placed Zhang Liao in Ce's position towards the end of the chapter.

Chapter 11: The Battle of Hefei

The armies of Toyatomi Hideyoshi began to form up around the town of Hefei, only a mere two days after the tired armies of Wu arrived there. At their head rode the spidery little man himself, this time facing forward thanks to the help of an ever watchful Yukinaga. It would do no good for the men's morale to see their esteemed lord riding into battle backwards.

Not that the Kampaku would get anywhere near the actual fighting if Yukinaga and Nagamasa had any say in it. The two Christian daimyos were standing just behind their lord on either side.

The cannonades were already set up on the higher elevated ridges that surrounded Hefei thanks to the quick actions of Yukinaga cavalry and Tokugawa's scouts. That allowed them to seize the heights away from the defenders.

Now all that stood between the riflemen and samurai of Japan and the walls of Hefei was a small field and a bridge over a small river.

The sun glinted off of the armour of the defenders as they stood on the walls, and then the gates of the city opened allowing three men on horsebacks to slip out of the city. Clearly, the generals of the defenders wanted to meet with the mighty generals of the Kampaku before they got slaughtered. 

Yukinaga grinned over at Nagamasa, and then said to the Kampaku, "My Lord, Simeon and I will accompany you to meet these Chinese dogs!"

Zhang Liao, Cao Ren and Sun Ce rode out from the gates of He Fei side by side, horses flying towards the Xiaoyao Bridge. When they reached wooden structure they slowed to a canter. Three men were waiting for them on the bridge, one wiry-looking man who seemed to be the leader, and two others who Zhang Liao recognised from the battle at Jian Ye. The Wei general hefted his spear.

"I am Zhang Liao of Wei, Defender of He Fei! Who are you, who would plunder the lands of the innocent and raise our cities?" Sun Ce shifted in his saddle, and Cao Ren narrowed his eyes.

Toyatomi Hideyoshi snarled at the man in the blue armour who addressed him like he was an equal.

"I am Toyatomi Hideyoshi, the leader of the Japanese forces. and...One two three four, I declare a Thumb War!" The little man said as he put up his right hand toward the man in the shiny blue armour, "Winner takes his opponent's ears!"

Liao frowned in confusion. "My ears. . .? A. . . thumb. . . war?" He glanced at the samurai's hand. _Dear Heavens, the man has two thumbs on his right hand!_ The general wrinkled his nose in disgust.

Cao Ren drew closer to the skinny monkey of a man. "Why are you here? Is it our land you want? Our wealth? Our. . . ears?"

Nagamasa sighed and looked over at his companion. The fat man that appeared to have sheet metal tattooed to his body posed a very good question. 

Moving his horse closer to his leader's shoulder, Nagamasa whispered in his ear, "My Lord, allow Yukinaga and myself to deal with these heathen. You have no business talking to a tin can," he said that last bit loud enough for the fat man to overhear.

The dictator nodded sternly, "Of course, but not before he accepts my challenge to a thumb war."

Nagamasa and Yukinaga exchanged troubled glances. No one beat their lord at thumb wrestling. Ever. How many battles had been resolved by Toyatomi's thumb wrestling rather then by blood?

The leader held his hand out and waited for Zhang Liao to grasp his hand to begin the ritual that had begun since man developed the opposable thumb.

Sun Ce shoved Zhang Liao. "Go on, show tha' nigga who's boss!" The Wei general flinched away from the noisy upstart's touch, then returned his gaze to Hideyoshi's thumbs.

"As you wish, freak," Liao said boldly, strapping on a steel gauntlet. "Shall we begin?" Cao Ren shook his head in disbelief.

Nagamasa and Yukinaga stiffened at the moustached man's infuriating insult, but before either could cut the man down, Hideyoshi had grabbed his opponent's hand with his own bare fist.

After the initial challenge, which Hideyoshi sang into the scowling face of Zhang Liao, both of Hideyoshi's thumbs went to opposite sides of Zhang Liao's one. After a brief sound of ripping metal and a flash of sparks, Zhang Liao's gauntlet went flying into the river below the bridge, and Zhang Liao found himself in the iron death grip of the leader of Japan with his thumb firmly pressed to his own fist.

"I win!" the wiry man giggled and in one swift motion cut off Liao right ear, bit the lobe and stuffed it in his pocket.

Zhang Liao's eyes widened in shook as blood pumped from the side of his head. ". . . Aaaaarhaaaghaaaah!" Clutching his spear with one hand, he used the other in an attempt to staunch the flow. Cao Ren wheeled his horse in front of Liao's, bringing his buckler up to ward off further attacks.

Sun Ce reacted instantly, springing from his saddle and onto Hideyoshi's. "Hey, givat' back, foo!" He evaded a brutal thumb strike and aimed a head butt at the samurai.  
Hideyoshi reeled back out of his saddle and fell off of his horse. Nagamasa snarled as he pulled his oversized helmet off of his head and cracked it overtop of Sun Ce's head. Unfortionally for the heir to the Wu empire, he managed to catch one of the pointy ends of an ordimental decoration, and it stuck in the top of his head.

"Hey!" Nagamasa shouted when the young lord pulled away in shock, taking his helmet with him, "I need that!" 

Yukinaga was helping Hideyoshi back onto his feet, who seemed more concerned with making sure that Zhang Liao's ear was in his pocket, then he was with the three very angry and very armed men right next to him.

Nagamasa reached in vain for his helmet, but was stopped by Cao Ren as Sun Ce retreated.

"Simeon!" Yukinaga cried, "Come on!"

"My helmet John! I can't leave..." Zhang Liao recovered from his shock and thrust his spear at the Samurai lord, "Never mind! I can leave it!" With that, he spun his horse around and flew up the hillside off of the bridge after the retreating Dictator of Japan.

Zhang Liao swore loudly as Cao Ren grabbed his horse's reins, The stout little man turned his horse about again, pulling Liao's with him. 

Sun Ce, helmet sticking out of his head, ducked under Ren's steed and ran after the retreating Japanese. "Hey bitch!" he screamed at Nagamasa's back, plucking the huge spike from his cranium. "You forgot yo castle!" The young lord hurled the samurai's helmet, taking its owner in the shoulder as he turned in his saddle.

"Booya!," Ce yelled, scrambling up onto his horse. He made several ghetto signs before following his allies back to the gates.

Nagamasa fell forward as the heavy oversized helmet stuck him in the shoulder, and due to the extreme size and high speed in which it hit, it sent Nagamasa hurtling head first over the horses' head.

Pulling himself up off the ground after a few moments, he found himself being looked down upon by Yukinaga and his Lord, Hideyoshi.

"What are you doing down there, Nagamasa?" the leader of the Samurai asked.

Quickly Nagamasa snatched up his helmet and jumped back into his saddle, galloping for the lines quick enough to hide the red that was beginning to spread across his face.

_Thrown off my horse by some uneducated lout!_ the samurai general groaned to himself, _I heard that the Chinese spoke in rude tongues, but I had no idea..._

Zhang Liao examined his bloody hand as they rode, still in shook. "That _animal!_ No better than a dog!"

Sun Ce rode up between Liao and Ren. "Chill, homie- I tried to get it back." Ren grunted and looked over his shoulder to the Xiaoyao Bridge, and in the distance beyond, the sprawling camp of the samurai.

Several minutes later, they were once again within He Fei's walls. Two of them dismounted smoothly, while Liao almost fell. Cao Ren's voice boomed out calling for a physician. Sun Ce took a few staggering steps before collapsing, blood trailing from the hole in his head. "Man, I feel. . . wasted."

Zhou Yu hurried down a flight of stone steps towards the three, expression grim. "What happened down there? What do they want? Who struck first?"

"_They _did!" Liao roared. _"They cut off my ear!"_

A look of annoyance flashed across Cao Ren's face, but he nodded confirmation. "Their leader, Toyotomi Idiocy as Lord Gan Ning reported, is a madman- and he has two thumbs on his right hand! Ugh, we learned little else." The short general turned about. Soldiers were rushing all over the place, preparing for the coming battle. Led by Sun Jian himself, the thousands of peasants from Wu, the peasants of He Fei and the majority of Wu's soldiers, had been sent further north, towards Wei's capital. Travelling with them was an official emissary from Zhang Liao, along with a dozen Wei troops- all that could be spared. Hopefully these and the Wei refugees would be enough to convince those at Xu Chang that they were not an invading force.

Ten thousand warriors from Jian Ye remained at He Fei to bolster the defence. It was strange for all involved; to flee to an enemy land for protection, or to have an enemy's forces defend your city's walls. The amount of Wei soldiers at He Fei was a mere tenth of the remaining Wu force. Suspicion and hatred were rife amongst the ranks, and mistrust had already led to several minor incidents, one of them violent.

Added to the resentment felt by the common soldiers, things were more or less the same among the officers. Old grudges and memories of bitter battles could not be so easily forgotten, even for a short time. No-one was happy about the temporary arrangement, and though cooperation was essential for survival, how well the Wei/Wu force would work together was yet to be seen.

Cao Ren began shouting orders to the men around them; archers to the walls, halberdiers to assemble at the city square and other similar commands. Xiahou Dun approached where Liao and Ce were being tended to. The one-eyed general stooped by Liao's side. "My old friend, I swear to avenge this disgrace on the battlefield!"

Zhang Liao nodded and clasped hands with Dun. "Thank you, but I, too, shall be fighting."

Sun Ce sat up groggily, ignoring a physician's protests. He grinned. "Hey, that samurai guy's got three thumbs, this foo's missin' an ear, an' yo only got one eye- y'all can totally mix and match parts!" The Wu prince's eyes rolled about in his head as he slumped back, unconscious.

"You upstart peasant!" Zhang Liao spat. "Yes, flee to the realm of unconsciousness and save me the trouble of sending you-" he grimaced as a man pressed a cloth against the bloody side of his head.

Zhou Yu inspected Ce's still form, and when he was satisfied his sworn brother was still breathing, he turned to the others. "I have come up with brilliant a plan. It involves the Xiaoyao Bridge-"

"Good for you," a terse voice interrupted. Zhou Yu turned his head sharply to regard a man, who was leaning against a nearby wall. He wore blue and white robes, a scowl, and a rather large hat. The man was Xun Yu, a Wei strategist of some renown.

"Wei does not need the tactics of fools," Xun Yu continued. "I, however, have devised a _brilliant _plan."

"Excellent- let us hear it," Cao Ren said, not looking at Zhou Yu. The Wu strategist began to speak, but ended up growling as Ren waved him quiet dismissively. Xun Yu explained his plan.

". . . and then the ambush party strikes, collapsing the bridge and leaving half of the enemy forces stranded on the southern bank!"

Zhou Yu stamped his foot and glared at Xun Yu hotly. "That is what I was about to suggest! Only I would hardly have Zhang Liao leading the ambush- he is wounded. It would make more sense for Xu Huang to- "

"Silence, southerner! We need not the words of our enemy to guide us." Cao Ren nodded to Xun Yu. "Very well. Prepare an ambush party to leave by the north gate, to be led by Lord Zhang Liao.

Under a bright splash of blood, Liao smiled grimly. The physician tending to him shook his head emphatically. "Nonono, he is not going anywhere. After the shock and loss of blood from losing an ear, he is hardly in any condition to fight."

Zhou Yu nodded, a look of extreme irritation on his face. "Only an idiot would send a wounded man to the field when it was not necessary."

Ren's brow lowered, the small tattoos below his eyes becoming more noticeable. "I told you to be silent. Do you require assistance?"

Yu scowled, and the physician frowned as Zhang Liao rose on unsteady legs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The three horses came up the hills easily, and the three generals hefted their swords into the air with a loud cry. That cry was echoed by the thousands and thousands of samurai and other Japanese that stood on the hilltop. Then Hideyoshi thrust the ear he had taken from Zhang Liao into the air and even more shouts went up.

It was always a good omen when Hideyoshi took the ear of the opposing general before a battle.

Tokugawa spurred his horse forward to meet with the three returning generals.

"What is the matter Nagamasa?" he asked, "You look a little red in the face."

Nagamasa pulled his helmet onto his head, before pulling the mask down over his face to hide the enraged scowl that was on his face...and the increasing redness in his cheeks. 

Tokugawa shrugged and turned to Hideyoshi, "My lord," he said with a small bow from his saddle, "I believe we should first fire the cannon on the town while moving across the bridge in large numbers. The fire from the cannon will keep their heads down long enough for us to be right on top of them."

Yukinaga may not like Tokugawa Ieyasu, but he admired his military genius. 

"That is a good idea, Tokugawa-san," Yukinaga said. 

Tokugawa nodded his head sincerely, "Thank you Yukinaga-san," he replied.

"How do we get into the town?" Nagamasa asked, with his voice muffled from behind mask.

"I am not a clown!" Hideyoshi snarled.

Nagamasa waved his hands in a defensive gesture.

"My lord," Yukinaga said, "I believe he asked about getting into the town."

"Ah yes, the town," The Japanese leader said thoughtfully, "How about we tie soldiers to cannon balls and then fire them out of cannons?"

Tokugawa blinked and Yukinaga's mouth hung open, Nagamasa's mask did nothing but look fiercely at the Japanese leader.

"I think I have a better idea," Tokugawa said, and began to explain his plan.

As the firepower of the superpower of Japan began to rain down on the city of Heifei, the mounted soldiers under Yukinaga Konishi rode across the Xiaoyao Bridge. Their lances held into their stirrups. 

Yukinaga's men were excited and ready to begin battle with the enemy, especially as they watched the city of Hefei catch a blaze.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zhang Liao listened to old timbers creak above his head as many horses traversed the Xiaoyao Bridge. Shafts of light poking through the cracks in the wood danced across the one-eared general's moustachioed face, and across the faces of the two dozen Wei spearmen around him. It seemed to take hours for the samurai cavalry to cross the river, but once they had. . .

Zhang Liao struck a long fuse, which branched of and snaked its way to the bridge's main supports. The Wei general clapped his hands once in signal before mounting his horse and trotting swiftly out into the sunlight. The men hurried out behind him, and once Liao's horse had sure footing, he urged it into a gallop. Ahead was the rear of the Japanese ear-thieves.

Less than twenty metres away from the force, Zhang Liao raised a horn to his lips and blew a short note. Swiftly, he set aside the horn in favour of his spear, which he tucked under one shoulder in readiness.

Yukinaga's head jerked around as the explosion of the bridge sent wood splinters and the bodies of horses and men flew overhead. At first, the samurai general thought that one of the cannon balls had landed on the bridge, destroying it.

But then he noticed the soldiers pouring out from the plains around him, and he realized that these ignorant savages had blown the bridge on purpose, cutting him off from the rest of his support.

Bellowing at the top of his lungs, he began ordering his cavalry to form up all along him. The sound of a shrill horn cut through the shouting of men and neighing of horses, and Yukinaga spotted the man Zhang Liao leading the ambush party.

Snarling, Yukinaga spun his lance over his head and bellowed, "For the honor of our Lord!"

The note from Zhang Liao's horn drifted out from under the bridge and across the nearby fields. On either side of Yukinaga's force, four hundred Wu soldiers sprang up from the rice fields, spears bristling. They wasted no time in charging the enemy.

The three-pronged ambush slammed into the larger samurai force, catching the foreign soldiers before they could mount an effective cavalry charge.

Zhang Liao swiped his spear across, cleaving a man from his horse. The Wei general parried a lance thrust and countered with the butt of his weapon, knocking the warrior senseless. Liao could feel a pounding in the right side of his head, but ignored it. He spun his spear over his head and cut to the left and right. Two screams ripped the air.

"Lord Samurai, show yourself! Return what you have stolen from me!" Liao twirled his weapon, sending four more Japanese toppling from their saddles.

Yukinaga split the skull of one of the Chinese savages before bringing his horse around to dodge a thrust from a spear that was meant to go into his back. His charge had failed, because of the confusion that came after the explosion and the rush from the three sides leaving the horses gaggled in the center.

Unlike the foot though, the Calvary was not made up of drafted peasants, but actual samurai who had dedicated their life to their horsemanship and how to fight in the saddle.

Yukinaga spun to the shouting of a challenge from one of the men on horseback, a man wearing green armour and a rather dashing looking white plume sticking out of his helmet.

"My name is Yukinaga Konishi, you dog!" he shouted as he pushed his horse toward the flamboyant man, "And I will not be called out by a man with a feather in his hat!"

"Yet here you are," Liao mocked. "And it is a plume, okay? A plume!"

The Wei general kicked his stallion into motion. He levelled his spear at Yukinaga's heart. "I want my ear back, you fiend! If I cannot have it, in its place I shall take your head for the glory of Zhang Liao!"

Yukinaga scoffed, "I am here to cleanse the Earth of you heathen, for the Glory of my Lord and in the name of God!"

Yukinaga spurred his own horse forward and stuck out with his lance, going for the man's head.

Liao brought his spear across to parry the thrust. "And which god might that be, fiend?," he asked, countering with a sweep of his own weapon. "I hope he is not as retarded as your lord!"

Yukinaga couldn't believe his ears, "You mean to say you have not heard the good news?" He asked as he put up his spear.

Pulling out the Bible he always kept on his person he flipped to the first page, "I shall inform you then, because you have not had the chance to gain your salvation," He looked down at the page and began to read, "In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth. formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light..." 

Yukinaga cut off and looked up at his opponent, "Does that not strike your heart? The Lord God, the Alpha and the Omega simply says 'let there be light,' and there is light! Does that not amaze you?"

_What is this fool babbling about?_ Zhang Liao's brow wrinkled, and curiosity made the Wei general likewise ease his spear. He tugged lightly on his steed's reins, and all around the battle raged.

"I do not have the faintest idea what you are talking about. What light- where?" Liao looked around, then back to the samurai with a shocked expression. "The swine who took my ear, he is your 'Lord God?' "

Yukinaga was so shocked by Zhang Liao's statement that his horse took a step backwards before he could grab the reigns and push him forward again.

"By the heavens, No. The Lord is no man any longer. He came to Earth from the Heavens to cleanse our souls and offer us salvation. He was born of a virgin, spent thirty-three years on this earth preforming miracles and spreading the Good News and died, only to rise again three days later before ascending into the Heavens. Now His followers will go with him into the Gates of Heaven and live ever lasting life."

Yukinaga flourished his spear distantly behind him, "My lord of this world is Hideyoshi Toyatomi, who took your ear, but he is not the lord of my next world."

Liao sighed in relief. At least the Japanese did not worship the Ear thief.

A screaming Wei soldier arced over He Fei's favourite son to crash into a knot of samurai. He paid them no mind, his attention was focused entirely on Yukinaga. He made a half-hearted swipe at his opponent. "Now I am even more confused. Your god was a man who spread news? How did he reach heaven after only being reincarnated once?"

Yukinaga shoved the Bible back into his armour, "He was not reincarnated, earless one, and he was resurrected from death. He was the Son of God, the Creator, and the Good News he spread was our forgiveness of Sin," he explained patiently as he casually dodged a spear thrust from a spear welding Wei soldier before running him through, "Those who follow him are saved. That is the Good News."

_Earless one?_ Zhang Liao angrily beheaded a Japanese warrior as he listened to Yukinaga's sermon. _Does this fool think that there is only_ one _god?_

Liao laughed mockingly when the samurai had finished his piece. "What fantastic news- I feel so moved!" He set his spear. "Still, I may read through your strange little book. . . once I retrieve it from your corpse."

Yukinaga dug through his saddle bags for a moment before producing a small stack of Bibles, "Here you go," the samurai lord said, "My priest says that the more I spread the Word, the better my salvation will be."

Winding back, Yukinaga tossed one of the small Bibles at Zhang Liao before throwing the rest of the books into the battle around him, "Come to the Lord! Salvation awaits you!" he cried down to the wounded and dying men around him before turning back to Zhang Liao, "I think you will have a difficult time killing me, since your ambush party has been destroyed."

Sure enough, the sheer number of cavalry had overwhelmed the attackers, despite their advantage of surprise.

Bible in hand, a bemused Zhang Liao snorted. "Hah, I laugh at your pitiful. . ." He cast about the battlefield. The only Wei soldiers he could see who still lived were sprawled across the bloody ground, some using bibles to staunch their wounds. The Wei general's moustaches drooped. "Oh. . . "

Wheeling his horse about, Liao cut down two more horsemen. A sea of mounted warriors crowded in around him. _Curses- I really should pay more attention._

Yukinaga waved with his spear at the retreating General's back, "I wish we had had more time to save your soul, but I guess you'll have to find salvation in the darkest bowls of Hell! Have a nice journey, you might want to bring an extra canteen!"

Zhang Liao spun his spear like a baton, cleaving through the soldiers before him. For every one he killed, two more sprang up to take his place. He was soon deflecting attacks from all around. There wasn't going to be a way out of this.

A dozen soldiers went flying over the Wei general's head, crashing into the ranks far behind him. Liao gaped at the sight as he parried another thrust.

Just as all seemed lost to the Son of He Fei, Taishi Ci rode through the knots of enemy soldiers, scattering them like toys. He swung his massive clubs from side to side, clearing a path to Zhang Liao. Behind him came one hundred Wu cavalry.

The mounted soldiers of the Konishi clan began to close ranks as the newest threat appeared.

If 'threat' could be used to describe the small amount of mounted soldiers that rode out to face the mounted soldiers of the Konishi clan.

At their head rode a man in red armour with a curious purple feather in his crown.

"What is up with these people and feathers?" Yukinaga growled to his vassal, Joan who had come had just arrived, "Shouldn't an overly flamboyant helmet be enough for them?"

The higher ranking samurai among the mounted samurai formed up and sent out their own equal number to face off against the oncoming Wu solders while the other mounted samurai stood by and watched.

Taishi Ci stopped before Zhang Liao, his expression grim. "Hello, old friend. Do you need some help?"

Liao snorted and turned his head away. "Go and rescue someone else, Wu dog. Head back to the city and tell Lord Cao Ren to send someone else!"

Ci lifted a single club to his shoulder and smiled without humour. "Lord Cao Ren did not send me."

The Wu cavalry drew their horses to a halt in confusion. The main Japanese force was retreating slightly, leaving only one hundred horsemen lined up against the Chinese. The Wu soldiers didn't pause for long though. Led by Taishi Ci, they charged to meet the force of now-equal strength.

Zhang Liao had been left behind in the rush of horses. His mutilated head was bleeding heavily again, and his vision was becoming cloudy. He swore, a single word that came out slurred. Ahead of him, the two hundred horsemen collided.

Horses crashed and men died and Yukinaga sat back and watched all of it in impassive silence.

"These Chinese gai-jin have some honor after all..." he mused. The warrior with the purple feather was doing extremely well as he swung blunt stone weapons from each hand, crushing skulls.

Eventually, the men from both sides dwindled but the samurai kept the numbers even by adding new fighters or taking them away if the Japanese had the numerical advantage, but due to Taishi Ci, that was not often.

Finally after a what seemed like a long time Taishi Ci stood alone surrounded by his dead bodyguards.

Ci blew the blood-dampened purple plume out of his face. He stood there for several long moments, bodies of friend and foe all around, eyes locked on those of Yukinaga.

"Is that all?" Ci demanded. He spun his clubs in union. "I would be happy to send the rest of you to hell."

Yukinaga had to admit, he was extremely impressed with the bravery of Taishi Ci and his spirit.

Yukinaga was about to move forward to face the man when the sound of a galloping horse could be heard from the direction of the river. Coming quickly sat a man on horseback who was dressed in all blue armour and had four large horns coming out of his helmet. But perhaps most impressive was the spear the warrior carried, a massive model of sheer steel that was somehow artistically shaped to make the eye think of it as no more the crest of a wave, or a gust of wind.

The warrior hefted the spear over his head as he brought his horse, who's name was Mikuniguro, nearer the blood spattered Taishi Ci.

When the warrior stopped, he jumped down off of his war horse and waved his spear around impressively before stopping just inches from the ground and then reversing direction.

"Show off," Yukinaga muttered angrily, but none of the amazed samurai heard him.

"I am Honda Tadakatsu, Daimyo of the Otaki providence. I challenge you to a duel."

Had Taishi Ci not been consumed with blood lust, he might have been in awe of the newcomer. Instead, he leapt down from his saddle pounded the ground with his twin weapons. Beneath the samurai, the earth shook.

"I am Tai-SHI-ci, and I accept your challenge! Hurrrrruh!" The Wu officer rushed forward, sunlight glinting off his red and gold armour. He crossed his stone clubs above his head, and brought them down in a cross in an effort to crush Honda.

Honda brought up his spear and blocked both of Taishi Ci's clubs with his own spear haft and then planted his armoured foot into Taishi Ci's chest.

"You're strong, but little else Tai-SHI-ci."

Ci snarled as he fell back, but picked himself up swiftly. He came forward again and pivoted, sending both clubs whipping across together. "Strength is all I need!"

Honda sidestepped and brought the massive head of his spear forward and batted away the clubs while striking Taishi Ci in the back with the back end of his spear.

"Speed is strength."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Zhang Liao looked over his shoulder groggily. He could only make out blurry shapes in the distance, and heard the sounds of battle as though he were under water. Beneath him, he felt his steed moving, then passed into unconsciousness.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taishi Ci spat out a clump of grass and rolled onto his back. This guy was good- very good.

Ci felt anger surge through him as he rose once again. The samurai was standing calmly by, allowing him time to recover without pressing the attack. The Wu officer roared and pulled his arm back. As he ran in to meet Honda a third time, he pitched one of his clubs at him, hoping to catch the warrior off-guard.

Honda flung his weapon out to the side, which bent the shaft dangerously, but it held. As Taishi Ci attacked, Honda pulled his weapon in a Horizontal strike which was strengthened by the bending shaft. The blade smacked into Taishi Ci's side, cutting through the armour and knocking Taishi Ci to the ground.

Ci screamed as the huge blade smashed several of his ribs. He found himself on the ground once again, and as he writhed there he realised that Honda was more than just good; he was brilliant. His skills were far greater than Ci's own.

Taishi Ci made to rise, using his only remaining weapon as a support. He found that he could only manage to kneel, and felt his blood pumping out freely.

"Hah. . .hahah. . . you're not as stupid as you look, elk-boy." He motioned weakly to his opponent's antlered helmet.

Honda brought up his weapon again, "You have much honor, Taishi Ci, do not tarnish that now. Or else I will be forced to retort with a witty observation about your purple feather."

Bringing his blade up one last time, Honda Tadaktsu said, "Farewell," and swung his blade quickly taking off Taishi's head.

Atop He Fei's front wall, Sun Ce screamed as well. "NOOOO! You samurai mutha fu- "

Zhou Yu beat his against a stone crenulation, not feeling the pain it caused him. Damn, damn Taishi Ci! I said no-one was to leave the city, least of all to aid that stuck up Wei fool. . ." That Ci had taken it upon himself to rescue Liao infuriated Yu, but also made him feel some pride.

"He died saving an enemy," Sun Quan, who stood nearby, muttered. "There is such a thing as _too_ much honour."

Yu looked across sharply, then suddenly turned on Cao Ren in a rage. "You pompous, gerbil-in-a-helmet! Sending a wounded general to lead an ambush was the act of a fool, and a great hero has died as a result!" Wu and Wei soldiers alike bristled as the strategist pressed his face close to Ren's. "Not another warrior of Wu shall perish because of your arrogance!"

Cao Ren drew himself up and tilted his head back, glaring into Zhou Yu's own furious eyes. "This is my land, my city, my wall. As long as you wish to stand in or upon those three things you will abide my decisions, whatever they may be." He glanced out across the plain to where samurai clamoured around the corpses of the ambush party. "Lord Taishi Ci was the fool, and has only himself to blame for his fate."

"You ungrateful bastard!," Yu ranted, stealing everyone's attention now. "It should be Zhang Liao lying dead out there; him or you!" Those words were enough to bring Wei swords from their scabbards, and Wu blades followed instantly. The opposing factions shifted away from each other, leaving just a handful of officers standing apart. The wall was suddenly alive with the promise of violence, and a single blow from either side would see it fulfilled. Neither Cao Ren nor Zhou Yu backed down an inch.

Sun Quan struggled against the urge to draw his own sword. "Zhou Yu, enough! It is as Lord Cao Ren says: we must abide by his decisions. Taishi Ci has fallen, and that grieves me, but we still must stand together! Can you not see reason?" It was clear that Quan was fighting down his own anger.

"It is not I who is unable to see reason!" Yu growled, but at the prince's words he backed down slightly, and swords slowly inched back to their scabbards. The normally composed strategist was breathing hard as he and the Wei general continued to trade glares. "Lord Sun Quan, I will send men to advise your father that we should seek refuge in Shu. Let us leave this worthless midden and those who inhabit it to the Japanese vultures!" 

Again the Wei soldiers bristled, and Cao Ren's scowled deepened. His protest against unmanning He Fei's walls was cut short by Sun Quan's: "Lord Zhou Yu, do not be ridiculous. The peasants could never hope to make such a journey, and by the time runners were sent ahead to them- "

"So we stay here, to be led to our deaths by Cao Ren and his pet monkey?" Yu gestured angrily to the Wei general and to Xun Yu now beside him. "I would have sent a much larger force to the bridge than he did, led by a capable officer!"

Quan shook his head. "I am not sure that it would be wise to stay here either. We do, however, have our orders from father. We are at Lord Cao Ren's command."

Sun Ce swore bitterly. "They killed our homie! I ain't letting that go without payback." To that Zhou Yu nodded grimly, but his thoughts were becoming more rational. He began theorising possible defences for the city, none of them seeming too promising. Soon he sent messengers to find other ranking Wu officers.

Still wary of each other, soldiers crowded closer to the wall's edge as they stared out at the carnage in the distance, before the bridge. The samurai force was regrouping, but remained cut off from the main Japanese army. Despite its destruction, the ambush party had accomplished its objective, and with their backs to the river, the samurai would be crushed beneath the weight of a full Chinese assault. Of course, launching a full assault would be extremely foolhardy. . .

Xun Yu clapped his hands excitedly and hopped from one foot to the other. "My lord, I have a new puh-laaan! If we send all our men-"

Ignoring his strategist, Cao Ren folded his arms and watched silently as Zhang Liao approached the city walls. When he was sure that Zhou Yu was no longer watching him, the stout general offered a nod and a quick salute. Whether it was to Taishi Ci or Zhang Liao, no-one would have been able to tell.

With a grunt, Ren slammed a fist into the palm of his other hand and nodded, to a surprised Zhou Yu as well as to Xun Yu. "Let us plan now. I believe it is time for defence, defence, and defence."

Looking out at the sea of samurai on the other side of the river, Zhou Yu wasn't so sure.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yukinaga glared out from under his helmet at Lord Honda Tadakatsu.

"I could have taken care of such a small force, there was no need for you to interfere!" he spat angrily at the blue armoured man. 

"You were cut off," Honda said simply, "I came to assist you."

Yukinaga scowled at the antler-covered warrior, "How did you get over here anyway? Those fools blew up the bridge," he said brandishing his spear at the walls of Hefei.

"I had Mikuniguro jump the river," Honda said as he stroked the flank of the steed he was sitting on.

"You did WHAT?" Yukinaga blurted.

"Jumped the river," Honda said again, slower this time.

"How is that physically possible?! That river is HUGE!"

Honda shrugged, "Do you have any idea as to how we're supposed to take the town? We've been cut off."

Yukinaga frowned, "...no."

More cannon shots echoed from the hilltops and shells landed on the walls and inside the city, "There cannot be many of them left in the city, or else they would have capitalized on our disorder and charged out."

Yukinaga thought that one over, "They're trying to stall us."

"Exactly."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A cannon ball blasted into the city ball, sending shards of stone raining down to the plain below. Another hit, and the whole city seemed to shake on its foundations.

"I believe that our only chance it to flee," Zhou Yu said flatly, much to the annoyance of Cao Ren and the other Wei leaders present. "Once the Japanese cross this river, as they did the last, they will sweep this city aside like a castle of sand besieged by waves." Again, the walls shook, and cannonballs whistled through the air before crashing into stone like thunder.

A plain, square table had been set up in the courtyard, shaded by the city wall. Around it sat Yu, Sun Jian's children, Cao Ren, Xun Yu, Xu Huang and Xiahou Dun. Zhang Liao, his head freshly bandaged, sat off to one side, flipping through a small, leather-bound book. He did not speak, and seemed lost in thought.

"Nonsense!" Ren barked. "He Fei will hold against any foolish enough to come against it! That both I and Zhang Liao defend its walls guarantees victory!"

"And messengers from Xu Chang say that Xiahou Yuan's force is inbound," Xu Huang added. "They should be here in about a day."

"Will that be soon enough?" Sun Shang Xiang asked doubtfully. "Those cannons are taking these walls apart!"_ Just like they did at Jian Ye._

As if to emphasise her point, a cannonball came arcing over the wall. It dropped heavily to shatter the table where the leaders were sitting. The eight of them just sprang away from the doomed furniture in time. Zhang Liao didn't look up.

"We are still defending," Cao Ren said resolutely, averting his eyes from the splintered mess of the table. Xun Yu did a back flip.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Come on my friends!" one of the peasants called as they hurried to repair the fallen bridge. The lowest rank of soldier, they had stripped their armour and were busy wading into the water under the bridge and hammering pieces of wood together.

"Curses, I shouldn't have told them that I had graduated from the Anjin School of Carpentry..." One of the peasants complained.

"No you didn't!" cried another, "You were a lawyer!"

"Be silent you fool!" the first one snapped to his fellow soldier, "If its known that I am a member of the Peasant's Civil Liberties Union, I could be killed for spreading descent!"

"As if this is much better," the other said.

"Clearly you were not lawyer, or else you would have realized that this is an everyday thing, crawling through the mud like this," the other replied.

"Silence!" a higher ranked samurai shouted at the labouring to build another bridge in record time.

Tokugawa Ieyasu smiled at the progress of the bridge that was replacing the one that the Wei forces had desperately blown up.

"Caesar might be able to build one bridge in record time, but the armies of the Kampaku will build two of them!" Turning from the bridge he waved his war fan in front of his face to lessen the glare of the sun. And turned to make is report to his lord.

The river would be crossable in a matter of hours.

"We shall go back to the river, treat our wounded there and await reinforcements. I will leave a small contingent of scouts to scout out this area and learn the enemy strength. Also I want you to gather in prisoners for interrogation, is that possible Joan?" Yukinaga asked after explaining his move to his body servant.

"Yes my lord," Joan replied

"Good, because you are in charge."

"Very well, my lord," Joan said as he bowed his head."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"They're rebuilding the bridge!," an archer called down from the wall. "We are all going to DIE! AHHHH!"

Down in the courtyard, Cao Ren slammed a gauntleted fist into the wall. It shook, possibly from a direct hit from a cannonball. "We must send a force to strike at them while we can. Soon the two forces will rejoin, and the opportunity will be lost."

Xun Yu grinned widely. "Yes, we should send men to CRUSH them, my lord!"

"If you plan to hold this fortification, then you cannot spare a force large enough," Zhou Yu broke in curtly. Instead of merely dismissing the strategist's input, this time Ren turned to regard him. "Xiahou Yuan's force will arrive soon, as you know. We can hold until then with 9000 men as well as with 11 000."

"If they are not detected and intercepted," Zhou Yu retorted. "If Sun Jian had not ordered that I and my men man these walls under your command. . ."

"Do not be so pessimistic," Ren insisted roughly. "Nothing will go wrong. The might of Zhang Liao will bring us victory!"

Soon after another force left He Fei by the main gate; 2000 mounted spearmen, led by Sun Ce, and a resilient and still bleeding Zhang Liao.

Yukinaga looked across the river at the slowly extending bridge with impatience.

"My lord!" came a cry from behind him, and Yukinaga turned to see Joan coming toward him.

"What is it?" Honda asked as he suddenly appeared at Yukinaga's shoulder.

Yukinaga jumped, "Where'd you come from?" he asked scowling.

Honda shrugged, and turned back to Joan, "What's the news?"

"Men are coming out of the gates of Hefei," Joan said after a quick bow, "They are coming right for us."

"How many?" Both generals asked at the same time.

"I would estimate several thousand, my lord. Mounted with spears."

Yukinaga and Honda exchanged looks, "Start setting up defensive positions." Yukinaga said, "have the men dig pits at the front of the lines as quickly as possible. That should break up their attack, and move the wounded to the back, near the river bank. Assign other men to watch over them and carry them across the river once the bridge is completed and we have been relieved."

"Yes, my lord!" Joan shouted over another cannon shot.

"Also have the men dismount and their horses brought to the rear, We shall attack from the trenches that we dig," Honda put in, and Joan bowed to both generals and ran off.

Yukinaga tensed for another explosion a moment later, but it didn't come. As the men began scurry about and began digging into the earth with whatever they had handy as tools.

"The trenches will not be deep enough..." Honda murmured in Yukinaga's ear, "We are too few to win this battle against fresh soldiers,"

"I am well aware of that, Bambi," Yukinaga said back, "But we will do what we can."

He looked to the hilltops, "Why have the cannons stopped firing?" Yukinaga asked.

"I don't know," Honda said, "but that's not a good sign."

Zhang Liao felt quite sick as he rode out alongside Sun Ce, but something as trivial as a few wounds would not keep the Wei general from the fight. Sun Ce was relived when it became apparent that cannonballs were no longer flying over his head, but they wouldn't have faltered his charge anyway. Under Cao Ren's command or under Zhou Yu's, he didn't care; as long as he got to crack some heads. Nothing mattered, except that he avenge Taishi Ci. Nothing mattered to Liao, as long as he stayed in his saddle.

Two thousand Wu horsemen stampeded across the plain, unwavering in their surety of victory. That the samurai force they approached was twice the size of the Chinese cavalry didn't sway them in the least. Behind the Wu force, He Fei's front wall was blasted and crumbling. Some sections looked ready to collapse entirely, which made the lack of more cannon fire very odd.

At the head of the horsemen, Ce twirled his tonfas in alternating arcs. "All right people, this is fomah dawg Ci!" The young prince pulled back on the pommel of his saddle until it made a loud 'click'. Gold chains and jewelry sprang out from every crack in the leather seat, and two golden hubcaps dangled down either side of the horse. The steed began to bounce up and down as it ran. Ce nodded his approval. "Dat's more like it! Come on, homies- sing it!" As they beared down on the Japanese, the horsemen raised their voices in a deafening chorus:

_"We are The Men of Wu- shiny and true  
Our blades are strong and our armour is glinty  
We are The Men of Wu!  
Our might is mighty, our spears so pointy  
Our smiles so dazzling and plaque-free-"_

"Homies, homies!," Ce yelled, looking back over his shoulder in disgust. "Remember what I taught y'all? Break dat shi' down!" The men of Wu seemed embarrassed, but without breaking their momentum, they began to sing again:

_"Yo, we fight all day an' fight all night  
Our arms dizzont tire so we fight-fight-fight  
We git all tha bitchez an' we do what's right  
'Cause we is Tha Dawgs of Wuuu!"_

Sun Ce grinned as he beeped a novelty horn on his horse's saddle. "That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!" Zhang Liao merely groaned as he rode beside the prince.

Then, the Wu and samurai forces met.

As the samurai took up defensive positions around the now four foot holes that surrounded the Konishi Clan's samurai, men listened to the words of the song.

"That was horrible!" one of the samurai cried.

"Let us teach these Chinese dogs how to sing, and not howl!" Joan shouted as he hefted his spear over his head.

Sun Ce hit the enemy line with an unintelligible roar, smashing a foot into the face of one samurai. To either side of the prince, horses began to topple, halting their run. Samurai were popping up as if from beneath the ground, attacking the leading riders. Above the battle cries of both armies, horses screamed and men yelled, "Holes in the ground- WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

The trenches slightly lessened the force of the cavalry charge, but the brunt of its power remained in tact. Chinese horsemen ripped into the Japanese ranks, spears flashing.

"Where dat antler-bitch freak?," Ce yelled, pulping foot soldiers as he evaded spear thrusts. A Japanese spearhead glanced off one of his horse's hubcaps, and Ce turned to swipe the weapon's owner with the shaft of a tonfa.

Zhang Liao swept his spear out, taking of heads as he swayed in his saddle.

The mounted samurai were on their feet and trying to fend off the attacking might of the refreshed troops.

Honda danced among the parties of sparing samurai and Wu soldiers, his mere presence boosting the morale of the young and old retainers alike.

The sheer size of the warriors spear shattered armour and bones alike, and toppled horses and riders alike.

Suddenly, Sun Ce reared his horse in front of Honda, and Honda automatically swung his spear up into the OG's face.

The impact of the samurai's weapon on Ce's head sounded strangely hollow, and the Wu prince shook the blow off with surprising lack of pain. "My Ma hits harder than that!" He leaped from his steed and rolled to the ground. "But now I found you, you're gonna pay for. . . ya know, that thing you just did? Dang, what was it. . . oh right! This is for Taishi Ci!"

Sun Ce dashed forward, arms pumping wildly as he sent a storm of brutal strikes at his opponent. Around the duelling warriors, the Chinese pressed their mounted assault.

Honda stepped backward, keeping with the retreating line of samurai. Using his mad skillz, he managed to kill a number of the oncoming mounted assault and then dance back. He found the leader again, and this time was confronted with an enraged Sun Ce.

Unable to understand the man's speech, Honda preferred not wasting time chatting when he was on the losing end of a skirmish. He went to attack again, but a Chinese soldier bumped into him from the side throwing off his attack. Angrily, Honda smote the man with a quick flick of his wrist but in that moment Sun Ce struck out again for the man's helmet. The samurai turned his head to see Zhang Liao striking out at him as well. The two warriors pressed in hard against Honda.

That was when Honda's horse, Mikuniguro, came to the rescue. Charging the already-wounded Liao's horse, the immense power of Mikuniguro's strength sent the unknowing rider airborne across the ranks of fighting men, and into the river. Before Sun Ce had time to react, Mikuniguro's hooves were launching him from his saddle as well. The Wu prince screamed something unintelligble as he was catapulted far into the distance, but not into the river.

Honda grinned at his horse, and Yukinaga hurried up to Honda, "Again, I don't understand how what I just saw is physically..."

With a loud cry, Mikuniguro spun around and kicked Yukinaga from his saddle, sending the samurai lord sprawling into the river, "ARGH!" 

Honda gave his horse a sheepish look.

"Bad horse," he said as he ripped the heart out of another Wu cavalry man with his bare hands, "However shall we explain this to the kampaku?"

The horse whinnied, "You're right. It wasn't physically possible," Honda said with a grin.

The Wu cavalry pressed on, unaware of their leader's departure from battle. The samurai were driven back, then further back, until the river was at their very heels. The Wu cavalry spread out to either side, circling the shrinking enemy force and pressing in hard. With a final, brutal push the last of the Japanese who had crossed the Yangtze were slain or heavily wounded. All except one.

The remaining 300 Wu horsemen sat in their saddles nervously, making no move to advance on the lone samurai. Completely surrounded, with his back to the river, Honda Tadakatsu stood next to his unnaturally powerful steed, holding his unnaturally large spear aloft. He was afforded a good twenty paces of breathing space by the cavalry.

"Did you see how many he killed? His horse took down at least five- and it's not even red!" Whispered conversation carried on for several minutes before one soldier pointed out, "He's just some guy with antlers." Then the line advanced, closing in on Honda.

Honda jumped onto his horse's back and began to spin his spear around the top of his head as his horse charged forward into the crowd.

The combination of both Honda's intense attacks and Mikuniguro's fierce kicks (which sent men flying in all directions) resulted in confusion and panic among the remaining Wu soldiers. Finally, when only a handful of bleeding and dazed cavalrymen turned to flee, Honda put down his spear and turned his horse back to the river bank.

Men were beginning to poor off of the now completed temporary bridge and treat the wounded Japanese soldiers who were left on the field, and put down the horses that could not be saved. Hideyoshi, Nagamasa, and Tokugawa came across the bridge. Hideyoshi bent over the bodies of the fallen Chinese soldiers with his tanto raised, but Tokugawa and Nagamasa quickly counselled their lord as more and more samurai, archers, and riflemen began to file around them and take up defensive positions and form ranks made for assault.

"My lord," Honda bowed from his saddle as Hideyoshi came closer, "I am sorry I was unable to save the Konishi Clan's cavalry."

"Hum? Oh yes. Shame on you Honda. You let some escape this time, try to work on that okay?" Hideyoshi said distracted.

"Where is John?" Nagamasa asked.

Honda shrugged, "He fell into the river."

Nagamasa gave Mikuniguro a sceptical look, but when the horse bared its teeth, Nagamasa quickly looked away.

"My lord, the town?" Tokugawa put in, "We should sack this city like Henry V did at Agincourt!"

"What?" Nagamasa asked.

"...nothing."

"Right." 

"Be quiet you two insane fools!" Hideyoshi shouted, "The town! Fall it must!"

Both bowed and Hideyoshi turned his back on them, "Attack the town. Crush these fools, we must. Lingered here long enough we have."  
He Fei's main gates slammed closed as the last fifteen Wu soldiers had rode. Large iron bars were slid into sturdy metal brackets, securing the doors. No-one yet seemed to notice that niether Sun Ce nor Zhang Liao was not present.

Atop the crumbling walls, bow and crossbowmen took up their precarious positions to watch the Japanese advance. There were 600, and with the rubble lying all about they would have excellent cover. Huang Gai stood with them, with a supply of homemade explosives.

Beyond the gates were solid ranks of Wu swordsmen and pikemen, forty wide and one hundred deep; the main defence force of 4000, led by one Lu Meng. More archers, again on the rooftops, were flanking that force. A thousand more swordsmen stood in streets nearby, ready to reinforce. Half of these were Wei troops.

Deeper into the city smaller units of soldiers were stationed to defend tight alleyways. Some of these were led by playable officers.

The keep at the centre of the city was manned by the remaining 500 Wei soldiers, and by Cao Ren and Zhou Yu.

And so as the soldiers of Wu and Wei stood together for the first time on the walls of Heifei against a common enemy, that enemy which outnumbered the soldiers on the walls, and had an amazing amount of firepower over those brave defenders.

The samurai fanned out and completely surrounded the city. A process which took several hours and much coordination. Despite the impatient urgings of the Kampaku, the time was taken to make sure that the attack would fall on the defenders of the city from all sides.

Like a hammer blow, they fell on the city from all sides. The archers on the wall fired volley after volley, but they were no match to the well trained and accuracy of the riflemen that the Japanese used to cover their assault force.

Finally, the gates at the entrance to the city finally gave way and the samurai fell through the city like water running across rocks. Lead by men like Honda, Nagamasa, and others the defenders of the city perished or pushed them back into the keep.

Eventually, the fighting began to send back mighty warriors like Lu Meng and Xiahou Dun were beginning to be pushed backward.

The doors of the keep opened wide to admit Huang Gay, Lu Meng, Xu Huang, other officers and a stream of battered Wu and Wei soldiers. A mere thousand remained alive to fall back, added to the five hundred Wei soldiers already stationed at the keep.

The doors banged shut.

"This is a disaster!" Zhou Yu shouted at Cao Ren. "You arrogant son of a bitch. I cannot believe you sent that walking bandage Zhang Liao back into battle! Have you learned _nothing_? We should have fled, run while we had the chance!"

Ren snorted, but by the look on his face it was clear that he no longer held his air of certainty. "Do not question the strength of Lord Zhang Liao." He forced a smile. "He Fei will hold. Hah- haha, it always does. . ."

"Here they come!" a soldier yelled, and bowstrings thrummed on the walls.

A company of Wu pikemen pounded across the courtyard, heading to reinforce the doors. Yu swore again. "Where is Sun Ce?"

Sun Quan took hold of Yu's arm. "I'm sure brother is fine. Come inside, hurry." The two moved out of the courtyard and into the keep. "He was shot nine times in a turf war, yet he is still alive. Do not worry."

As the generals of China retreated into keep, the Samurai of Japan began to break down the doors to the keep, and swarm the defenders.

As before, the Samurai counted off in even numbers and began to fight the remaining defenders one on one, shouting their names and the names of their masters. The dueling went on for a considerable time, as respect was shown the defenders of the city by allowing them to die in an 'honorable' fashion.

Finally, the only person left was the leader of the Wei soldiers, Cao Ren.

The heavily armored general looked around his keep in a look of disbelief. He was defeated. In his own city.

The other generals had left him now, and Cao Ren really hoped that they had made it away from the town in the manner he had suggested.

Cao Ren stepped forward, and one samurai stepped forward to face him. Cao Ren cut the man down, and then another and another until finally Toyatomi Hideyoshi stepped forward. The Kampaku himself drew his sword.

"Nice ears you have!" he cried as he jumped into the air and began making slashes into Cao Ren's armor with his single sword. Parried by Cao Ren, Hideyoshi flung himself backward and pushed himself back on a wall toward Cao Ren.

"Al La La La!" he cried, "Much to learn, have you yet!" he called as he put a single slash into Cao Ren's unprotected side.

Cao Ren stumbled and then fell, looking in amazement at the Samurai leader.

Hideyoshi smiled as he came up to the Wei General.

"Finish it," Cao Ren panted.

Hideyoshi swung his sword in two quick slashes, severing both of Cao Ren's ears from the sides of his head. Cao Ren looked up at the samurai in disbelief, "Why...?" 

Hideyoshi grinned, "Because nice ears you have!" Hideyoshi said tucking away Cao Ren's ears.

"What? I can't hear you," Cao Ren shouted, "I don't have any ears!" 

"I said, YOU HAVE NICE EARS!"

"...forget it," Cao Ren mumbled as he began to succumb to blood loss, "Forgive me Cao Cao..."


	12. Welcome to the Jungle

Chapter 12: Welcome to the Jungle

Zhang Liao felt himself drifting gently along, his arms stretched out either side of him. Distantly, he heard roaring water around him, and slowly he became aware of the throbbing pain pounding all through his body. Slowly, the general opened his eyes.

Roaring white water swept all around him, forcing him down river at breakneck speed. Liao cried out, swallowing a mouthful of water as he did.

Yukinaga gasped. Pain rocked his body as he landed up against a big rock.

Looking around, he realized that he was in the middle of a shallow river, which was strewn with rocks.

"How...?" Yukinaga asked himself, but then he remembered, "HONDA YOU SMUG PRICK!" Yukinaga shouted as he stood up and hurled his gauntlets off and into the river in rage.

The Wei general felt his heavy blue armor pulling him down beneath the river, only to have the racing tide bring him to the surface again. The warrior's face was green.

Liao screamed as he rushed to meet a particularly large rock. He cracked into it with great force, spinning away with his eyes rolling back in his head. The general smashed against another rock, then another. Expletives were lost under the sound of the water. Now completely senseless, he was carried onward.

Several seconds later, his unconscious form was swept into another large rock, where it crashed into Yukinaga.

Yukinaga stumbled forward as something big nailed him in the back of the legs. Catching himself on the rocks, he groaned with pain as they cut into his hands.

Turning around, he fully expected to see something like a small boulder. But instead, to his shock, he noticed a man on the ground. He looked extremely familiar.

"It is the lord of that ambush party!" Yukinaga gasped after he spun the heavy man face up.

Wondering what to do next, he instinctively reached for his swords, only to discover that they were missing.

"My grandfather's mother's step-uncle's swords!" Yukniaga lamented.

Then he looked back down at the man, what had his name been?

No weapons on him either, and that was a relief.

It was several minutes before the Wei general stirred. Slowly, he regain consciousness, enough to realized that he was no longer adrift in the river. _River? What river? . . . battle!_ One eye flashed open, and Liao rolled onto his back. Aching all over, and his amour waterlogged, he soon found he could do little else.

A spurt of water blew from his lips when he noticed the man standing over him. Sputtering, Liao swore, and his reflexes took over. He swung his legs out, sweeping the samurai's out from under him. "Have at you, scum!"

Yukinaga was too tired to avoid the kick, and he fell flat on his back.

Instinctively, he rolled to the side and back onto his feet.

"Fool! Had I wanted to kill you I would have done so while you were unconscious!" he shouted as he brought his hands up in a defensive stance.

Liao blinked, weighing the man's words. Recognition flashed in the general's eyes. _The warrior from before. . . the bible basher._ He found himself too weary to kick out again, and lay flat on his back. "There is truth in what you say," he replied reluctantly. A thought struck him. "Why do I still live?"

Yukinaga considered that for a moment, "I do not know, earless one. I could not bring myself to kill you, not yet. We are both lost and without weapons or supplies. It would be best if we got ourselves out of this situation together."

The reference to his missing right ear seemed to go unnoticed as Zhang Liao listened, water still draining from his ear. The words seemed logical enough to him, although they were hardly cause to trust the savage from beyond the sea. He reached down to his side as he lay on his back, his fingers seeking to unfasten his weighty breastplate. Soon free of the amour, he cast it aside and sat up.

The samurai was still standing over him, and Liao eyed him warily as he rang excess water from his mustaches. _My spear. . . curses._ _MY HAT?!_ He cast about frantically. _WHERE IS MY HAT?_

His two most prized possessions lost, Zhang Liao pushed himself to his feet and rounded on the Japanese man. Only a fresh rush of blood from the side of his head prevented his tirade. His bandage was loose, and he knelt to retie it. He then recalled how he had ended up in the river.

"Ugh . . . So, flunky . . . how is it that _you _came to be in the river?"

Yukinaga decided that he would try his best to befriend the man, at least, for now.

"Let's just say that it wasn't physically possible," Yukinaga said with a slight grimace, "I had thought that you had left the battlefield after your failed ambush," Yukinaga added. Well, he HAD tried to be polite. But it WAS a failed ambush.

"Lord Cao Ren graciously gave me another opportunity to redeem myself. The Great Zhang Liao never losses twice

. . . thrice

. . . well, four times would definitely have to be my limit."

He grunted and looked away. There were trees all around the rocky riverbank, a forset obviously. That information was little help though. "I have no idea where we are. Far from our forces at any rate. Perhaps no longer even in Wei."

Yukinaga grunted his agreement, "The air is much thicker here then it was at He Fei. And the trees look much different then they did before. You are more knowledgeable of this land then I am."

Liao made a disgusted face as he pulled a thrashing fish from beneath his undergarments. As he did, something else tumbled out onto a flat rock. The small, now-wet bible the samurai had given to him earlier.

He hurled the fish back into the river and quickly snatched up the book, and avoiding Yukinaga's gaze, he stowed it away again. As he spoke again, he began to take better measure of the samurai, noting he was also unarmed. "We appear to be on the southern bank of the Yangtze. It is now certain that we are in Wu."

Yukinaga pulled his helmet off of his head and walked toward the forest. Tucking the fierce image of a snarling demon under his arm, he walked off toward the forest.

"It does us no good to sit..." Yukinaga began to say over his shoulder, when something ran into him.

Looking down, he was surprised to see a small child dressed in a loin cloth looking up at him. The child looked shocked, and Yukinaga was also surprised.

When Yukinaga reached down to touch the boy, the kid shrieked and drove a fist straight into Yukinaga's armor, knocking the wind out of him.

On the ground, Yukinaga gasped in pain.

"What the- " Liao exclaimed, looking from Yukinaga to the frightened boy. "What is such an intelligent child doing out- " The boy dashed forward and slammed a small foot into the Wei general's cabrachees.

"Uurgh! You evil little- " From a kneeling position he watched the boy as he took off into the trees. _Loin cloth, dark-tanned skin. Hmm, familiar . . . ow, my poor balls._

Zhang Liao dragged himself wearily to his feet, scooping up his breatplate. "Get up, you fool!" he shouted at the samurai. "No lone child would be out here alone unless a settlement was nearby!" Without waiting, he charged after the boy.

Yukinaga stumbled back onto his feet and took off into the jungle after the larger man and the younger boy.

Running through the trees and undergrowth, Yukinaga muttered a small prayer after realizing just how much his trip down the river had hurt him.

Weezing, Yukinaga came to a halt next to the large bulk of Zhang Liao, "You...you need to slow up..." he panted. When Zhang Liao didn't reply, Yukinaga looked up to see the boy, standing atop a treeless rise. Around him stood at least twenty dark-skinned men, wearing an assortment of purple clothing, and holding fully drawn bows.

Zhang Liao nudged Yukinaga and slowly raised his hands, letting his breastplate fall.

"I believe I know where we are," he whispered shakily.

"Nanman Territory."

"Nanman? Southern Barbarians?" Yukinaga asked, "A perfect prospect! They too have not heard the good word, or else we wouldn't call them Barbarians, would we?"

Walking forward with his arms spread wide in a sign of greeting, "Hello friends! I have wonderful news..."

He got about that far before an arrow hit the helmet he had in his upraised hand. It went right through it.

Gulping silently, he shouted, "That was a good shot!" before dropping the helmet.

"I was aiming for the other eye!" the shooter called back and Yukinaga noticed that the arrow had gone through his mask's left eye slit.

Putting his arms up, he let the men surround and capture him.

Zhang Liao stepped backwards slowly, turned around-

and came face-to-face with ten more grinning savages.

"Oh, hello. I was just. . . looking for the bathroom. . ."

* * *

Liao grunted as the pole his arms and legs were tied to was hefted to the savages shoulders. Yukinaga was similarly bound. Together they were carried through the humid trees, as forest gave way to jungle.

"This is your fault, you bastard. If you hadn't tried to convert these savages. . ."

"If I had not tried to spread the Word, then I would not be doing my duty to the Lord God," Yukinaga explained, "Those who have found Him simply must express His glory to those who have not. I had no choice," Yukinaga concluded.

He grunted as one of his carriers slipped, making him swing painfully from his wrists. He would avoid rivers from now on.

_Damn you Honda_, he thought to himself.

"Look where _His _glory has gotten us," Liao snorted, twisting on his pole. "You haven't heard the stories about these. . . people. What they _do _to their enemies." He went quiet then, thinking of the battle he had left behind. Would Cao Ren and the others be able to hold without his might?

The two warriors were carried through the trees for over an hour before suddenly entering a large clearing. A huge clearing, with a colossal stone temple at its centre. The structure was surrounded by makeshift huts and buildings, and all around tribes people hurried about their business, some leading huge, four-legged grey beasts with saddles.

Around the camp there were large guard towers that stood twenty or so feet in the air, with archers posted on top of them.

One of the giant four legged monsters nudged one of these towers, and the whole thing toppled over and exploded.

"I knew we should have cemented those things into the ground..." one of the guards near Yukinaga muttered, "It's too bad the elephants walked over the contractors we hired to do it though..."

"Elephants?" Yukinaga asked as he stared at the huge beasts, "That would be a better mount then Mikuniguro any day."

All activity stopped in the camp and every single one of the savages stared at the two men being carried in by lashed pole. Yukinaga in his samurai armor was odd looking enough, but Zhang Liao with his curled mustaches and light blue armor looked even more out of place.

"I am Zhang Liao of Wei, you dogs! Release me immediately!"

A spearbutt cracked into the warrior's face, knocking him senseless. "Quiet."

The procession snaked its way through the maze of the village, making its way towards the temple's towering wooden gates. These opened slowly, groaning in protest as they swung inward to admit the prisoners.

Inside of the fortress sat the highest ranking leaders of the Nanman clans.

In the center sat Meng Huo, the supreme dictator of the Nanman clans and the only person in history to bind the fragile clans together. On his right sat his close friend and advisor, King Duosi, a wizened old man who had earned the title of, "Sage of Nanman." On Meng Huo's left side sat a man who was so tall, even sitting down he towered over his two colleges. This man's name was Wu Tugu, and he was in charge of the armored units of the Nanman's army.

In front of the leaders stood a roaring fire, and on either side of the fire smaller stoves were burning.

Yukinaga and the still dazed Zhang Liao were dropped onto tripods that had already been prepared for them.

Then realization dawned on Yukinaga, "What was that you said about what they did to their prisoners?" he asked.

Liao groaned. "Do you see the fire, and the stoves? What do you suppose they do to their prisoners?"

"You can't possibly mean..." Yukinaga began, but was cut off as a loud drum sounded.

Meng Huo stood up on his stubby legs, attempting to lift his own enormous bulk, "I now call this competition, open! The title for Bronze Chief will now begin!" he called in a deep voice.

Flames around the men began to flare up and the drums began to sound loudly.

A voice from the heavens seemed to resonate around, that was until Yukinaga realized it was Wu Tugu who was speaking. Breathing a sigh of relief, (he was worried that God had turned against him), and began to listen.

"Today's competition will require that both the challenger and the title's defender use an ingredient of the judges choice," Wu Tugu bellowed, "And our choice is...foreigners!"

Suddenly the crowd's attention turned to the hog-tied Yukinaga and Zhang Liao.

"In the name of God!" Yukinaga gasped.

"You cannot cook me- the Great ZHANG LIAO! Release me and I shall duel you all, you miserable- "

A passing tribesman jammed an apple into the Wei general's mouth, silencing him and causing his eyes to widen. The crowd cheered.

The drumming intensified, and a scantly-clad woman with long white hair stepped forward. She lifted her arms high and the drumming slowed again. "Contestants, take your plaaaaces!"

Two burly men wearing animal skins and belts made from bones came forward eagerly, prodding the captives with sharp utensils.

Zhu Rong, wife of Meng Huo, looked up to her obese husband. "Really, do we have to do this every time you get hungry? The amount of tourists you go through, you greedy fat bastard."

The king scratched at his bushy black beard. "But sweetheart- "

"This is the last meal you're getting until you agree to go on a diet."

Huo pounded a fist against the arm of his throne, causing the fortress to quake. Zhu Rong ignored him and turned back to the 'arena' "The first contestant will be. . . the current title holder, Chef Zhang Tu! Step forward and begin preparing the lovely blue dish!"

Despite the loud protest of Zhang Liao behind the apple that had been shoved halfway down his throat, the Nanman chief named Zhang Tu picked up Zhang Liao and dumped him, armor and all into a typical black cauldron made of cast iron.

The other chief, the challenger, began preparing a combination of meats, veggies, and an assorted rack of spices, which he was throwing into the cauldron that belonged to him.

Liao thrashed in the pot as a thick, buttery sauce was poured over him. Chef Zhang Tu ran a finger along the general's arm and drew it back to taste. "Mmmm." He began to add various ingredients, then stooped to add fuel to the fire beneath the cauldron.

Yukinaga frowned at his chief, "You fool! Try using more raw fish and rice!"

The chief looked over and frowned, "Not cool. I've trained for ten years to get to this level, so you can just shove it up your _koku_."

Yukinaga's mouth gaped open, "I worked hard for that income!" he protested, "But you are right, I should have abandoned my wealth long ago. Now it seems I have damned my soul to purgatory."

The chief looked up in interest, "How's that?"

Yukinaga sighed, "It's not easy for a rich man to get into heaven. Nearly impossible in fact. Unless you can fit a camel through the eye of a needle."

"Eye of a needle? Needles have eyes? What is that supposed to mean?" The chief asked as he began mixing eggs in a bowl.

Yukinaga thought for a moment, "I'm not sure actually. I've never seen a needle with an eye."

Off to the right, Liao was now neck deep in a pale, gooey broth. At this point he had begun to digest the apple that had been forced into his mouth.

"Help! I'm being stewed! _Stewed!_"

" 'Food is to be eaten, not conversed with'," Chef Zhang quoted, bashing Liao with a wooden spoon. The broth was heating up now, and starting to simmer. The Wei general splashed about in terror, but there was no escape. He was going to be cooked alive.

"Enough of this talk about camels," the challenger said, "They're mythical creatures anyway. It's time for you go into this pot!"

The samurai lord watched in silence as the large chief took off the lid of his cauldron and began dumping in his collections of meats and vegetables, and then walked over to grab Yukinaga and to throw him into the pot.

"Wait a minute!" Yukinaga protested, "Why is the water purple and boiling off green gas?" he asked when he looked into the cauldron.

The crowd stopped chanting and the drums came to an abrupt halt.

"Let me see that!" Meng Huo shouted as he got to his feet, his enormous girth requiring an amazing amount of strain to stand up right. He stormed over to the pot, looking into it with a look of horror.

"You got this water from the poisoned lagoon!" Meng Huo growled, "You were trying to kill us all!"

"No, my lord, never!" the challenger said quickly as he saw his chances at being named bronze chief slip away, "It's just that there are so many lagoons and ponds here, and half of them are poisoned for some reason! It's not my fault!"

"Quiet maggot!" Meng Huo shouted. He opened his mouth wide, and then his jaw moved around funny, and then the mouth just kept getting larger and larger as though he had no jaw or restrictions on how large he could make it.

"No my lord! Please!" the challenger shouted, but it was too late. With one great pounce, Meng Huo wrapped his enormous lips around the man, whole. With an enormous gulp the king of the Nanman swallowed the unfortunate contender.

Yukinaga and Liao exchanged horrified glances.

The crowd stood in silence, though this was hardly an uncommon event they had just witnessed. One of the main reasons the various tribes had untied under King Meng Huo was fear of being eaten.

Still, for those tribesmen who earned the big man's displeasure. . . well, you just don't turn your back on 600 pounds of vengeful stomach.

Zhu Rong wrinkled her nose, storming over to her husband. "That's disgusting! Haven't you ever heard of table manners?"

"I don't see a table." The king belched and wiped his mouth. "Bwraaaah! I h-ate traitors!"

The crowd cheered, and Zhang Liao tried to squirm over the rim of the cooking pot.

Chef Zhang Tu rang his hands, approaching the king nervously. ". . . Does this mean I get to keep my title. . .?"

"You ALWAYS do that!" Wu Tugu bellowed from his canopy height level, "For once I would actually like to see the END of a competition!"

"Why do we have a poisoned lagoon near our court?" King Duosi asked sagely, "For one, a number of our peasants die every week from drinking from it, and for another it serves no military purpose. Any advancing army will simply avoid the swamp, as they can see the hazy purple cloud from a mile away."

"I agree," Wu Tugu rumbled.

"Be quiet both of you!" Meng Huo growled menacingly, "I am the leader of the Nanman and you will do as I say!" Just to show what he meant, he turned and swallowed Chief Zhang Tu whole.

"Great! Now we have nothing to eat!" Zhu Rong yelled.

"What are you talking about!?' Meng Huo shot back, "Have you forgotten about the prisoners?"

"And who will prepare them?" King Duosi asked, "You ate the cooks!"

"Some of us prefer not to eat our food raw!" Zhu Rong shouted.

"Then you're all too fussy!" The king spat out one of the chefs' helmets, then jabbed a chubby finger at Zhang Liao "I call dibs on the blue one! And the other one!"

Wu Tugu rose from his seat, his head bursting through the canopy above. "Why do we even bother with this contest, if you don't care if food is cooked?"

King Duosi folded his arms. "Come to think of it, why can't your wife cook the prisoners? She _is_ a descendant of the Goddess of Fire. Isn't she?"

Zhu Rong growled. "You'd better believe it, old man!"

"Yeah!," Meng Huo chimed in, flapping his loosened jaw. "Because if you don't. . ."

As the Nanman yelled at each other, Liao's head bobbed up and he hooked his chin over the lip of his cook pot. "You! Samurai! This might be our chance."

Yukinaga's eyes shot over to where Zhang Liao called to him, "If God wills it," he replied.

It seemed that in the hurry to eat the cooks, everybody had forgotten that they had left the Samurai warlord to his own devices.

Getting to his feet, he moved over to Zhang Liao's cook pot, and started trying to pull the water logged man out of the pot.

It wasn't all that effective. Neither could find purchase enough to heave the Wei general over the side, and he slipped back and slammed into the other side of the cauldron.

The force of his weight tipped the pot over, and sent Liao spilling forth on a tide of broth. The cauldron rolled away, and Zhang Liao rose to his knees.

Yukinaga looked around, but thankfully everybody was arguing with one another, "I think I have an idea..." he said to his blue armored companion.

* * *

"...and I'm telling you that you are going on a diet!" Zhu Rong shouted at her husband.

"After you apologize to me for calling me a tree!" Wu Tugu insisted as he glared down at Meng Huo.

"Wait a minute!" Meng Huo shouted, "Wait a minute! Where did our food go?"

"Leave it to you to think about food, even in the middle of an argument," King Duosi growled.

"He's right!" Wu Tugu realized as he looked all around him, "Every body is dressed in skimpy clothing! No fully dressed foreigners around anywhere!"

At that moment, Zhang Liao and Yukinaga rode through the collection of assembled Nanman on an elephant, sending people flying out of their way and overturning tables. Wu Tugu tried to stand in front of the elephant, but only succeeded in taking a head-butt to the chest.

After a few moments, everybody recovered from their shock.

"You let our dinner get away!" Zhu Rong shouted at her husband, fire in her eyes.

"Me!" the King of the Nanman shouted, "It wasn't me! I was about to eat them!"

"So you admit it! You were really trying to eat all of them yourself!" King Duosi shouted.

"Wait, no, that's not what I meant!" Meng Huo said trying to defend himself against the barrage of angry voices.

"No you listen to me!" Zhu Rong growled as she grabbed him by the beard, "We are seeing a doctor about this jaw thing of yours, it can't be healthy..."

In the distance, Yukinaga looked back as he heard a painful howl light up twilight from the direction of the encampment.

"I'm glad that's over with," he commented.

Liao grunted. "You're telling the broth. . ."


	13. Counterattack

Chapter 13: Counterattack

Kato Kiyomasa tilted his head back to peer up into the rain that was falling from the sky. The combination of the rain and the humidity made him wonder how anybody could stand to live in this jungle. That of course, raised a big question as to why the Armies of the Kampaku were fighting for these cursed jungles. But that would be questioning the will of his Lord, and that would go against _bushido_, so the thought did not even occur to the samurai.

Instead he continued to focus on looking for his prey, either tigers or local rebels, it really did not matter. This was not easy though, as Kato had insisted on wearing his signature _Kabuto_ and was having trouble as it hit lower branches of the tree, making a loud _thunk_ and snapping the samurai's head backwards. It was extremely unbecoming and annoying.

"Clearly, I did not have jungles in mind when you had that made," his companion said. Kobayakawa Takakage was one of the other major generals of the invasion and had been ordered to help bolster the already captured territory against an assault from the third kingdom to the west. Though he preferred to hunt wayward peasants in rebellion rather then the tigers that Kato seemed to be obsessed with.

Kato grimaced but said nothing. He was trying to keep quiet to avoid alerting anything that he was coming. What irritated him worse was that the tiger he had been tracking for hours had disappeared into brush too thick for his horse to go, forcing him to walk like some filthy local.

"I'm burning this jungle down when we solidify our control here," he grumbled loud enough for Takakage to hear.

"I would not advise doing that if I were you," the third companion said. His name was Anayama Beisetsu, but he preferred to go by Nobukimi, "The repercussions that could have on the ecosystem would be disastrous."

"The ecosystem?" Takakage asked, "Have you been reading those books that came in from the Americas? What do we care about this eco-whatever? It's just going to be burned down in a few centuries anyways."

"Yes, and in a few centuries I will be dead so it does not matter. But I would not like to see those repercussions right now."

"Be still! Both of you!" Kato hissed, "I think I hear somebody coming."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wei Yan scuttled forward on all-fours, sniffing the ground. "This way. . ." The man dashed off into the trees.

An elderly man with a bow across his back pushed through a jumble of branches, hacking them aside with his scimitar. "Get back here, you whelp! I don't know what a whelp is, but it's exactly what you are!"

Wei Yan turned to look back at Huang Zhong, allowing him to catch up. "Shut . . . up. Just. . . follow."

Zhong fell back as Yan released a thick branch into his face. On the ground, he spat out a leaf. "Zhuge Liang said you were a bastard! If I could remember who you were, I'd agree! . . . Where are we? Is this Cheng Du?"

Wei Yan adjusted his panda mask as Zhong's mind wandered. "Enemy. . . this way." Without waiting for the old man, he ran back into the bushes. Huang Zhong picked himself up and followed slowly, feeling his bones creaking.

"I'm bringing you back, young man! You weren't supposed to wander so far from camp! You never know what could be out. . ."

In the bushes to Huang Zhong's right, a deep growl sounded.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile. . .

Sun Ce stirred. His eyes remained closed, but he could hear birds sing, the peaceful tune drifting upwards to his ears. He smiled groggily, imagining what birds would sound like if they could rap. _That'd be some real off tha' hook shit. . . yeah. _

Something warm splattered against the bottom of his chin, and Ce opened his eyes to see that the grass was blue and the sky was green- with upside down trees hanging from it. A few seconds of rapid blinking was enough to adjust his perspective. If it hadn't been, swinging into the trunk of the tree he was stuck in would have cleared things up.

Sun Ce twisted and looked up, in time to catch another warm and wet spatter against his face. The young prince swore loudly, and the bird on the branch above squawked and flew off. Ce clawed the crap off his face with one hand, using the other to reach for the branch his foot was caught in. He failed, and was left swinging back and forth like a pendulum. Several more tries to free himself ended the same way.

He started to remember what had happened. _In castle, fighting, back to castle. . . more fighting. Fighting, fighting man on horse, getting kicked by horse, flying . . ._

"Sunuvzbich!"

". . . Yo, anyone hear me?"

Silence.

He twisted his body about again. _"Anyone?"_

Silence.

_"I SAID CAN ANY FOO' HEAR ME!?"_

Two booted feet suddenly appeared before his eyes, upside down like everything else. Ce blew out a sigh as he looked up, seeing the figure's unarmoured legs. Not a soldier.

"Who are you?," a man's voice demanded from below, or above, the prince.

"Dawg, I don't know who y'all are, but iz glad to see ya!"

"Who are you? Do you follow the Way?"

"What. . .?" Sun Ce flapped his lips. "Just get me down!"

The boots shifted. "Do you follow the Way?"

"Are you gonna help me or what?"

"Do you follow the Way? Answer me now."

Ce growled in frustration. "Hell no, I ain't from Wei! 'The Wei' can kiss my white ass!"

He heard horrified gasps, more than just the one. The boots stepped back sharply.

"Lil' Conqueror, baby! I killed more followers of 'the Wei' than y'all- "

A club smashed into the prince's face. Then again. His head was swam with pain as the men moved to cut him down, and he heard the word 'heathen' growled and shouted repeatedly. He had only a few seconds to admire the yellow scarves tied around their heads before becoming unconscious.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah ha!"

Kato leapt through the trees, his sword drawn as he made for the direction from where he had heard the growl originate, "I'll teach you to make me walk!" Kato cried as he finally spotted the tiger from behind a bush, but something else caught his eye and it momentarily distracted him.

An old man was standing dressed in yellow robes, surly a local, but he was armed with a bow and a quiver of arrows. Since he had been put in charge of this district, Kato had outlawed the ownership of arms and weapons by the local populations.

Takakage and Nobukimi caught up by that time and saw the situation, and drew their own swords, "Put down that bow! Don't you know that it is illegal to own weapons?" Kato called, and the two older lords readied themselves for an attack at the slightest provocation.

Forgetting about the growl, Huang Zhong regarded the samurai as if he were insane. "My arms are legal, you fool. What are you talking about?" The old man sheathed his sword and drew his bow, stringing it swiftly. In one second, his arrow was nocked and drawn fully. "Those are some funny clothes you have there, young'uns. You wouldn't be samawhatzits, would you?"

Suddenly Zhong cocked his shaggy head to the side, listening to something. He blanched.

A 600 pound tiger leaped from the bushes, claws extended as it pounced on the archer. In an instant Huang Zhong turned his bow towards the beast, only to have his arrow slide loose from the string. The tiger hurtled forward.

With a roar, Wei Yan leapt from a tree above, crashing into the giant cat's back. The tiger let out a roar of its own and turned about wildly, but Yan held tight to its thick fur. The wild man pounded the beast with one fist repeatedly, and the opponents tusseled form several long moments before Yan plunged his teeth into the tiger's neck.

The wild man sprang from the creature's shuddering corpse, avoiding its death throes.  
Kato groaned as he watched the tiger he had been stalking for the past few hours suddenly die in the jaws of a second very armed and armored local, who appeared to be running on all fours. 

"You!" he snarled, "You'll die for that!" 

The two older samurai grimaced at their young companions, but Kato took no notice. Both spread out to both sides of the two men, swords held upright.

Wei Yan rose to stand on his legs, hunching over and bringing his twin voulge to bare. The eyes of his panda mask narrowed. "Found. . . you!"

Huang Zhong set another long shaft to his bow as his comrade of many years sprang forward ten feet to meet the enraged samurai.

The old archer swiveled his arthritic hips to face the older foreigners. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. "I just remembered what 'whelp' means!

". . . no, it's gone again." He sighed and loosed an arrow at one of the other two swordsmen.

Kato rushed forward to meet the attack of Wei Yan with his sword raised while the two older lords stepped sideways to avoid the arrow shaft.

Halfway between each other, the two stopped as the ground around them began to shake. Suddenly out of the forest, broke an elephant being ridden haphazardly by two very tired people. Zhange Liao and Yukinaga Konishi broke clung to their mount exhaustedly, when they both spotted the familiar people on either side of the small fight.

"In the name of the Buddha's belly!" Takakage exclaimed, "Is that you Lord Konishi? I thought that you were up north with our Lord!"

"And what in this hemisphere are you riding?" Nobukimi shouted as he too realized that the man on the back of the animal was in fact, the Christian _Daimyo_.

Yukinaga grinned slightly before he tumbled off of the back of the elephant and fell a full ten feet to the ground. Rolling over he shouted up to Zhang Liao, "I believe that you owe me a box of meat buns! We have reached my forces first!"

"Don't you know that meat buns only come in pots? I told you; boxes are for arrows and items only!" He shook his head at the man's backwardness.

Liao fell from the huge saddle in a similar manner to Yukinaga, almost landing on the man. He too rolled, away from the three samurai standing before the elephant.

Huang Zhong and Wei Yan had retreated several steps with the arrival of the monstrous animal, and the old man now regarded the blue-armored man who was rolling towards him.

Wei Yan stopped Liao with a sharp kick. The Wei general looked up and saw the panda visage leering down on him and shot to his feet.

"You're Zhang Jiao!," Zhong exclaimed. "You're from Wei!"

"Kill. . . DIE!," Wei Yan grated, forcing the unarmed Liao back towards the samurai. Panic gripped the weary warrior now, and he raised his hands. "Back, you fool! Do you not remember the Kingdom's Truce?"

Yan continued to advance, despite Huang Zhong's attempts to call him back. Liao took another step backwards, right into Yukinaga.

Surprised, Yukinaga caught Zhang Liao and shoved him to the side just as Wei Yan attempted to pounce on the Wei officer, blades spinning. Instead, one of those spinning blades caught Yukinaga in the chest, going through his armor for about an inch.

Crying out in alarm, Takakage and Nobukimi both attacked Wei Yan with fierce strikes from their swords which forced the masked warrior back. Kato frowned, "Why would you do that?" he asked, looking down at the now wounded Yukinaga.

Grinning through labored breaths, Yukinaga said, "You never paid much attention…to Christian tenets, did you, Kato? Besides, even though this man is our enemy, he was unarmed. Such a violation of _bushido_ cannot be allowed."

Kato rolled his eyes, "There is a such thing as being too noble, Yukinaga."

Zhang Liao found himself on the ground again, looking up at the man who had just saved his life. His shock was complete, and enhanced when he saw the blood flowing from Yukinaga's armour.

Huang Zhong moved in swiftly to smack Wei Yan about the head with his bow. He dragged the struggling man back, who was still trying to get to Liao.

"Heel, boy!," Zhong wheezed. "Back in the stun collar for you!"

Getting over his shock, Liao quickly felt his anger building. That the Great Zhang Liao required saving was. . . outrageous! He rose, shooting a withering glare at Yan and turning on Yukinaga. He was about to speak when words he had read from that small book came to mind suddenly:

_Proverb 11:2 _

_When Pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom_

He closed his mouth, considering the strange words instead. He regarded the Christian samurai silently for several moments before nodding.

"I apologise, young one. Wei Yan can be a little unreasonable. . ." Huang Zhong kicked Yan sharply. "Get back to camp and fetch some men! And a few meat buns; I'm feeling peckish. Oh, and one of those- "

Wei Yan ran off into the trees, back to the Shu camp. The archer and the Wei general eyed the samurai, and Liao spoke first.

"Well. This is an interesting situation."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarh!," a voice rose up, reaching fever pitch. "Yoooou have done _well_, my blessed children! This wretched soul is a _brilliant _example of a _HEATHEN!"_

Sun Ce's eyes creaked open as he heard cheering erupt all around. His head was swimming again, but when his vision cleared he wondered what the hell was going on.

His hands and feet bound, the prince squirmed in his prone position on the ground. Around him were several dozen men wearing yellow scarves, but before him was something truly. . . odd.

A elderly man in flowing gold robes was there in front of him, waving a short red staff. He, too, wore a yellow scarf about his head, and his wild hair and a long brown beard flapped about as if blown by a breeze.

The man was seated on a fluffy white cloud, hovering a half dozen feet above the heads of his followers. He cast a knowing eye over his flock. "Perhaps. . . this filthy unbeliever needs to shown the light. We shall show him, my chosen children. . . he shall witness the _TRUE _power of _HEAVEN!"_

The mystic suddenly raised his arms to the sky and flapped his lips rapidly, his eyes rolling back in his head. Without warning, he turned away from the crowd, bent over and hoisted up his robes, revealing his naked backside to those gathered. All around men went to their knees, looking upon the holy sight with awe.

"Witness the _MIRACLE!_" A great blast of lightning ripped from between the mystic's buttocks, shooting over his followers' heads. Gasps of amazement rose up, and Sun Ce's eyes bulged.

"Do you see the error of your ways now, heathen?," Zhang Jiao demanded, righting himself.

"Holy crap. . ."

"Hmm? Do you wish repent before I release your spirt to the Heavens, where it shall face judgement?"

"Did y'all just. . . fart lightning?"

"I shall take that as a 'no.' " The preacher raised his red staff and spun it about his hand. The end of it burst into wild flames, which shot high into the air.

"Witness the _MIRACLE!_"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kato moved forward, in an attempt to cut down the old man, but Takakage stopped him, "This senile old man must be with the Shu army!" he whispered between the four samurai harshly, "Let us attempt to learn what they plan!"

Kato frowned in thought and then nodded his head curtly before sheathing his sword, "From where do you hail, old man?" he asked as he turned around, "We were on our way to Shujun, and lost our way in the forest."

Huang Zhong scratched his grey beard. "Lost your way, you say? Then you are not foreigners?"

"Of course they're foreigners, you moron!," Zhang Liao shouted. "Look at those helmets! Who else but the Japanese would wear such ridiculous things?"

"Are you sure they are the enemy?," Zhong asked. "They seem friendly enough." Liao grabbed the old man as he started torwards the samurai, a big, welcoming smile on his face.

"They are the invaders, you fool! You were shooting them just a moment ago!"

". . . Why would I do such a thing?" Zhong squinted at the samurai, his gaze landing on Yukinaga. His eyes widened and he pulled free of Liao's grip. "Lord Liu Bei, is that you? I thought you went north to Xu Chang, with Lord Zhuge Liang!"

Zhang Liao eyed the old man as if he were insane.

"Nevermind that now! We're ready to do as Master Zhuge Liang instructed, and position the archers just inside the forest. Our finest warriors shall lure those despicable Japanese into the trap, and they will perish! Then our new heavy armour troops will advance to flank their riflemen, cutting them asunder! Master Zhuge's fearsome contraptions are also ready to be. . ."

Huang Zhong squinted again at Yukinaga. ". . . you are not Lord Liu Bei, are you?"

Yukinaga traded looks with the other samurai there, and nodded his head, "It appears that the King of Shu has decided to join Wei and Wu to the north," he said.

"This Zhuge Liang has a reputation of a brilliant strategist," Takakage noted, "If he knew that his plans had been discovered…"

The three armed samurai exchanged looks and pulled out their weapons and began advancing on the senile warlord and the exhausted Zhang Liao. Yukinaga stepped back, "I am sorry, brave warrior. I can only hope that your soul will find salvation in the afterlife."

"Shu idiot." Zhang Liao knew that he and the old fool had not chance against the three swordsmen, though if he still had his spear he would have defeated them with ease, he told himself.

Zhang Liao looked past the advancing samurai and nodded to Yukinaga. "Farewell. I pray that we do not meet again, for I will be obliged to kill you."

With that, he beat a fist into the back of Huang Zhong's head. The archer crumpled, but Liao grabbed him and dashed for the kneeling elephant. With a mighty effort he hurled the Shu warrior over the creature's saddle and scampered up himself. The samurai were almost at his heels when he finally managed to urge the beast into motion. It took of at a fast trot, in the direction Wei Yan had run. Liao turned his head to see the Japanese giving chase, and falling behind. The Wei general lifted his middle finger in their direction.

_From Wei to Wu, to Wei, to Nanman and then to Shu. . . I need a drink._

The samurai stopped and put up their swords, "What a magnificent beast," Nobukimi said in astonishment.

"Think about how useful they would be in battle," Kato said before sheathing his sword.

"We must get back and prepare for battle," Takakage said sternly, "And send a runner to warn the _Kampaku_ and Lord Ieyasu of this formation of forces between Shu and Wei. They will know what to do."

"As long as Lord Honda is with the army, they will remain victorious," Kato said.

Yukinaga said nothing, but seethed at Honda's name.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zhang Jiao waved his staff about his head, preparing to smite the helpless Sun Ce.

The prince squeezed his eyes shut and thought of his wife, Da Qiao. He smiled, then thought of Zhou Yu, his sworn brother. He continued to smile. Then Ce thought of Da Qiao and Zhou Yu, consoling each other after his memorial service. . . Ce scowled and tore at the ropes binding his hands and feet. Then he calmed down, remembering the Zhou Yu was already married to Xiao Qiao. He smiled again.

Then Ce thought of Da Qiao, Zhou Yu _and _Xiao Qiao together, and snapped his bounds in an instant. He rose up in a frenzy, snapping kicks and hammering punches into the zealots who moved to restrain him.

Zhang Jiao leveled his staff at the resilient warrior, flames dancing about the weapon. "Your soooul shall be _puuuuurged!_"

A drop of rain fizzled as it landed on Zhang Jiao's fiery staff. Another evaporated on the flames, and another drop landed on his forehead. The preacher looked up at the sky with a frown.

Thunder boomed as dark clouds swirled overhead. A moment later a heavy downpour began. Jiao's staff blinked like a neon light before going out, the fires dying swiftly in the heavy rain.

Sun Ce raised his fists and looked around, only to find that the scarf-wearing men had drawn back, affording him a circle of space. Not understanding, his gaze shot to the preacher.

Jiao spread his arms wide and cocked his head, as if listening to something. It rained hard, but no-one moved as Jiao stood tall on his floating cloud, which remain fluffy and white. After a while of frowning and nodding, he turned back to his followers and the captured heathen, disbelief upon his face.

"The rain is a sign; so the Heavens have told me. This faithless wretch's life has been spared, for he has a part to play in the events now shaping this world. He is favoured and blessed by the _Heavens!_"

Sun Ce's mouth dropped open. "Yo mean. . . y'all letting me go?"

"It is the will of the Heavens, it seems, and I cannot go against that." At a motion from Zhang Jiao, his followers parted to allow Ce to leave. "But fear not, heathen; your time of judgement shall come!"

". . . So y'all saying. . . I could, say, punch yo in tha face, and you couldn't do nothing about it?"

". . . Do not make this any longer than it has to be. The writer is tired, and wants to sleep."

Ce sighed. "Awright, whatever. When I''m king, I'm outlawing cults." With that he turned and walked off through the unobstructive crowd, flashing ghetto signs at them as he did.

The storm clouds parted, and sunlight once again shone down on the soaking wet men. One of them raised a hand. "Does that mean we can kill him now?"

Zhang Jiao wrang out his beard. "Heaven shall castrate you if you try."


	14. The Calm before the Storm

Chapter 14: The Calm before the Storm

The procession from from Shu snaked across the land like a green river, fifty thousand warriors; infantry, cavalry and archers with either bows or crossbows. Many great caravans of wagons traveled within the impeccably formed marching ranks, carrying all the supplies necessary for the march. This massive army, bound for Xu Cheng, was led by Liu Bei himself. There at Wei's capital, though it was almost beyond comprehension, they would offer their assistance in defeating the main Japanese invasion force.

Many of his most capable officers and generals accompanied Liu Bei on this campaign, not the least of whom were his sworn brothers Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, and his famed strategist Zhuge Liang. The White Wizard of Cheng Du had brought much luggage with him from the capital. Several of the caravans trundling along were filled with his materials and inventions. Along with these, a great and very tall crate also traveled with the army, seemingly custom built for some purpose. Those nearby could hear grunting noises from within.

News of He Fei's fall had reached the Shu army via means of a certain flying officer, and it seemed that the samurai would not be content to merely rest and fortify their gains. The foreigners sought total conquest, and they wanted it as quickly as possible.

Therein lay their greatest weakness, Zhuge Liang had stated earlier.

At the same time as Liu Bei marched north, he had sent Jiang Wei, Huang Zhong and Wei Yan east, into Wu. That army, commanded by Jiang Wei, was to destabilize the Japanese, ignoring the main enemy force in Wei and hitting them were they were weaker. It was also their mission to link up with any remaining Wu units that had not fled during the initial invasion.

Zhao Yun removed the pieces of cotton wool from his ears and tossed them to the wind. They had just passed the last village before the Wei border, and with it the last of those whiney, irritating creatures know derisively as . . . peasants. The cotton wool had blocked out their unending blather, and had saved Yun from another migraine. It had also saved the lives of several peasants, for beneath the general's riding cloak was his wooden and steel crossbow, now affectionately named _Widowmaker_.

Ma Chao wore a blank expression, as if he had completely tuned out everything around him. As if suddenly aware they had finally passed the last of the commoners, his head snapped up and he sighed wit relief. "Why does Lord Liu Bei insist on letting these people run wild? I would personally lead a force to hunt down and cull them to oblivion."

Zhao Yun grunted his agreement. "At least the peasants in the next town will only scream and run in terror when they see us. Why can't we have peasants like that in Shu?"

Ma Chao nodded, then blinked. "Wait, why am I talking to you?"

"I was wondering that. Please stop now."

Zhuge Liang rode alongside Liu Bei, who was astride Hex Mark, fanning himself with his white-feathered war fan. Magical staves, he firmly believed, were overrated.

"My lord, you have sent our representatives to the Wei force waiting at the border?"

"Yes, my friend. It saddens me that Cao Cao would send such a force to our border, expecting treachery from us. Why are people from Wei so mistrusting?"

Liang winced at the display of his lord's naive nature. "Perhaps it is in the water."

"Yes," Liu bei said thoughtfully. "We must be careful what we drink during our time Wei."

" . . . Quite." The wizard rearranged the skeeves of his white robes. "As we discussed, Pang Tong left our company during the night, preceding our march to Xu Chang. He should arrive at the enemy camp this very evening, and if all goes well he shall return with several of these 'firearms.' "

"I dunt get it!," Zhang Fei slurred loudly behind the conversing pair. "Fyu wand yur arms on fire, y'cud just- hic . . . wha wasai sayin'?" He shook his head and lifted a jug of wine.

Guan Yu began to rebuke his sworn brother, but instead hauled sharply on his horse's reins as he saw his stallion was getting rather friendly with Hex Mark's rear.

Yu's horse's head drew back from the grey stallion, and the bearded man hoped reverently no-one had noticed. The God of War did not want to be renown for his magnificent, gay horse. He resolved to find a worthier steed some day soon. An expensive model; red, with a leather saddle and chrome horseshoes.

"- and that is what a firearm is," Zhuge Liang finished explaining to Zhang Fei. Speaking to the fat man while he was drunk was generally considered pointless, and Liang's attempt was just another excuse to hear himself talk.

A woman with a scythe strapped to her horse's saddle sighed. Her face very similar to what Guan Yu's horse had been so interested in.

"What is it, my wife?," Zhuge Liang asked.

"We are about to enter another kingdom," Yue Ying said. "I was just thinking, how long it will take to get our forces through quarantine?"

"Could we get back to Pang Tong please?" Liu Bei asked politely. "His mission is very dangerous."

"Pft, I cudda dun it," Zhang Fei interrupted again.

Liu Bei meekly let the subject drop. The march to the Wei border continued.

* * *

"It was Zuo Ci," King Cao Cao declared flatly to his. "He was in my private apartments! Again!"

Cao Pi, who was walking with his father in Xu Chang's impressive gardens, shook his head. "Father, I have told you twenty-three times now; the man who sought to kill you was an assassin sent by Wu, or Shu. Yes, probably sent by that devious Liu Bei and his man-witch strategist."

"Zuo . . . _CI!,_" Cao protested. "I know what I saw, and I saw that mystic! You are my son, and must do everything in your power to protect me!"

"Protect you?" _Don't be ridiculous; I'd be thrilled to see your eviscerated corpse floating face down in the moat. _"Father, you already have those meat sacksXu Zhu and Dian Wei. As long as they are with you, you will be safe from harm."

Cao Cao relaxed visibly, stroking his pointy beard. "Yes, yes that is good. . . But where are they now?"

". . . I sent them away. We needed privacy." Pi shrugged and changed the subject swiftly. "Might I know your plans for the coming struggle, father? I am most interested to learn what brilliant strategic move you will implement next."

"Urh, well. . . just give me a moment. You cannot rush a king and his kingly thoughts, after all."

Cao Pi leaned in closer to the aging ruler of Wei. "Yes, of course. I do not wish to hurry you. It is not as though a rampaging foreign army has swallowed one of our neighboring kingdoms, and have crossed our border intent on doing the same to us."

"It isn't? Splendid!"

"I was being sarcast- urh, never mind. Yes, what I said is true. As king, I must defer to you on matters such as this. What would you have us do?"

"Ask Sima Yi, that's what I pay him for, isn't it?"

"Yes, but-"

"Excellent. Then don't trouble me with such petty concerns- I have a kingdom to run, you know!"

Cao Pi shook his head slowly as the two walked into an area of deep shade. "Once you were so cunning, father. So brilliant . . . but now, well . . ."

"What are you talking about? Where did you say Dian Wei and Xu Zhu were again?"

"You are becoming more of a nuisance every passing day," Pi continued. "You are a liability, a potentially dangerous one. As such, I am afraid that it may be time for you to. . . retire."

The elder Cao giggled. "That is good, very good indeed!"

". . . you mean that you will. . .?

"Yes, most hilarious. I must tell Sima Yi that one."

Pi sighed, but he had fully expected his father to cling to power. Wei's future would be bleak with such a man influencing the war policy, and what was about to occur would have happened sooner or later anyway. However, Cao Pi had no time to run around and find a professional assassin.

"For each age of chaos, there must be a new hero," Pi said flatly. "In your younger days, you may have even respected what it is I am about to do."

"Eh? Are you going to sing?" Cao strutted deeper into the shade of the trees, taking up a song. _"Stabbed it with their steely knives, but they just can't kill the beast!"_

Cao Cao never saw his son's hand come up, or the knife it held.

_"Last thing I remember, I was running for the door. I had to find the passage back to the place I was before. . ."_

A hurled knife flashed in from the side, burying itself in Cao Cao's topknot. The king shrieked and dived into a hedge.

_I don't believe this! _Cao Pi thought, slamming his own knife back in its sheath and scanning the garden for the would-be assassin. _What is wrong with hired killers today?_

The king's son called out for the guard, fuming that this assassin would have the gall to try again, and that he had been denied his own chance. He drew his double sword, disassembling it into two separate blades.

"Father, are you all right?"

A muffled voice from within the bushes said, _"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!"_

The guards arrived, and the king was herded back inside the castle. The men and Cao Pi scoured the garden endlessly, finding nothing. The king's son ordered that the guard be tripled, though it was already doubled following the first attempt.

"It was Zou Ci!," Cao Cao hollered when Pi rejoined him.

"No father, it was the assassin again."

"It was Zuo Ci! Do you question your king? That is treason, you know! Treason!"

"Father, please stop this."

"I, King Cao Cao, hereby sentence my son Cao Pi, to death for treason!"

"Have you lost your _mind?_"

"Silence! Do you want me to execute you _twice_?"

Pi was not suprised at being accused treason, for some strange reason. He was, however, a tad angry at the reason for it.

The king threw his arms up. "Zuo Ci will get me, with people like _you _around!"

"ZUO CI DOES NOT EXIST! HE IS A CREATION OF YOUR FAILING, MOTH-EATEN MIND!"

"How rude," a creepy voice said, and a shadow fell across the two.

Pi and Cao spun, and of course came face to face with the silver-robed mystic, his towering hat blotting out the sun. His long white mustache swept wide from either side of his face above a frozen smile.

"Perhaps I am also a creation of your failing, moth-eaten mind, Lord Cao Pi?"

The Wei prince stepped back, then composed himself and jabbed a finger at the intruder. "G-guards, seize that man _now!_"

Two men with halberds came forward in a rush. Zuo Ci raised a hand without looking in their direction. Each tripped over as their pants fell about their ankles.

Ci's smile hovered unwaveringly. "Yoo-hoo, Lord Cao Cao! I have been looking for you."

"Do you see now, foolish son? It was this man who came to my room!"

The mystic frowned then. ". . . Are you implying that I molested you, Lord Cao Cao?"

Cao Pi drew his swords again. "Before this day gets any stranger, I swear I will cut you down!"

An orb of red light appeared above Zuo Ci's upturned hand. "I am under obligation to be here. Every character must make an appearance at least once in this story. And let us face it: Cao Cao is no longer fit to rule China, so I really see no reason for him to remain alive."

Cao Pi shrugged and nodded. He then stepped aside as the crackling ball of red light hurtled towards Cao Cao.

From nowhere came Dian Wei, charging into the spell's path. He bulled forward with a head butt, meeting the attack head on. The ball of light reflected off the bodyguard's shiny cranium, shooting right back at Zuo Ci.

The taoist flapped his arms wildly, likely attempting to turn into a crane, or a pidgeon or something. He wasn't fast enough, and his eyes widened as his own spell crashed into his face. It had the effect of an elephant gun hitting a watermelon

A shower of red spattered the royalty, officers and guards. One guard licked a spot of his lip. He looked thoughtful, then said, "Tastes like watermelon."

It was then another guard rushed into the gardens, trying not to look at the red mess. Black and purple smoke was now rising from Zuo Ci's corpse.

"My lords, a great force from Wu has arrived! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

* * *

The temporary camp of the _Kampaku_ was a sprawling mass outside of the now conquered city of Hefei. The combined mass of the armies of the present _Daimyo_ numbered over two hundred thousand, and they were growing with the added reinforcements that kept trickling in from the south as Hideyoshi's forces gathered for the death blow to Wu and Wei.

Inside one of the larger tents, Kuroda Nagamasa sat with his legs folded under him In front of him sat one of his retainers, a mid-ranking man who had come to him with a problem. Nagamasa had a reputation for listening to the troubles of his men and of other _Daimyo_, usually giving them advice and making them feel better.

"Where do you think this problem originates from?" Nagamasa asked the man as he finished speaking.

"Well my lord, I believe it all started when I was a child. You see…I never wanted to be a samurai. I always wanted to be an artisan. To make things, to travel around Japan giving the things I had made to monasteries and _daimyo_ of the local fiefs."

Nagamasa suppressed a grimace at this man's admittance of his shameless and casual disregard of _bushido_. Naturally the man would never admit such a damning part of himself to anyone but Nagamasa, but still…

"What forced you to stay as a samurai?" Nagamasa asked, already knowing the answer.

The man's eyes widened slightly, "Why because of my father, of course. Duty and honor were drilled into me from boyhood. Though I may not have liked it, I would not have abandoned those values, it would be too shaming."

"It is clear to me what the problem is," Nagamasa said producing a small vial of liquid, "Drink this and then I will meet with you in a week."

"What is it?"

"Pure testosterone," Nagamasa said as he handed the man a sheet of parchment, "Also here is my bill."

The samurai looked at the paper and grimaced. Of course such a fee would be hard for one such as himself to come by, but being a _Daimyo_ was not cheap. He still had to pay off his student loans for going to school and majoring in psychology.

"Thank you, my lord," the samurai said as he ducked out of the tent.

* * *

Xu Chang. The capital of Wei loomed large before the refugees, the ousted people of Wu who had traveled so long and so far. For the soldiers there were no longer solid ranks, no semi-balance of order at all. They merely moved side by side with the peasants, doing their best to keep any from falling behind.

It had been several days before a second, much smaller Wu force, comprising Zhou Yu, Sun Quan, Zhou Tai and many other officers, had linked up with the refugees that Sun Jian was leading to Xu Chang. Following their narrow escape through the tunnels beneath He Fei castle, they had appropriated horses from nearby villages and riden non-stop from the falling city.

Cao Ren had remained in He Fei, fighting to the last and buying them a chance to flee. Even the short general's famed defensive tactics had not been enough to hold the city, however, and the disappearance of Zhang Liao mid-way through the battle had been a great blow to moral. Neither he nor Sun Ce had been heard from since, and both were feared dead.

Zhou Yu was pondering the fate of both Cao Ren and his sworn brother when something prodded him in the back.

A man cleared his throat. "Give me all of your 'bling' . . . 'sucker'."

Wu's greatest strategist turned to see the constantly bedraggled Lu Meng, looking like something that had risen from a crypt. In his hand was a small, not loaded crossbow. "I said I want all of your 'bling', 'foo'. Do not force me to make you my female dog."

"Enough, Lu Meng! Your crass ghetto imitations cannot replace Lord Sun Ce."

"But, my 'homie,' I . . . " The grimy strategist sighed, his gangsta impression 'wasted'. "You are right. I apologize for presuming that- "

A toddler wearing a flowery purple dress ran to Lu Meng gleefully, holding two large red fans. She threw herself at his leg, wrapping her small arms around it. "Lurd Sun Ceee, ur, liek, back!"

Zhou Yu exchanged glances with Lu Meng, who shrugged. Sun Ce's young wife, Da Qiao, continued to cling to him. Meng stamped his foot in an effort to unfasten her, then raised his leg and shook it violently. Da Qiao was launched screaming into the air.

Zhou Yu shook his head in disgust at his sworn brother's wife, but his head snapped back up as he thought of something. "That _was _Da Qiao, wasn't it?"

Lu Meng looked down at the fans before him. "Red fans? Yes, it was Lady Da Qiao."

". . .Of course. I knew that. My own wife would never be fooled by a cheap impersonation."

Another little girl dashed out, this one holding blue fans. She ran over and swiftly attached herself to Lu Meng's leg. "Zhou Yuie! I wuvs u!"

Yu muttered something under his breath, and a glare from him told Lu Meng not to send Xiao Qiao flying as well. More insulted that he could be confused with the uncouth Lu Meng than anything else, the strategist hurriedly stooped beside his wife. "Dear, you are making a scene . . ."

Meng grimaced. "Get her off! Urg, and I thought I scared children. Well, Lu Xun anyway."

"First you impersonate Sun Ce, then you impersonate me. Your strategist routine needs some serious work." Zhou Yu pried Xiao Qiao free of Lu Meng's leg. "Come, my sweet. Early bedtime for you."

Several cooing "awws" were heard from the soldiers around them, and even an "I didn't know Lord Zhou Yu had kids."

At the head of the column of peasants and soldiers, Sun Jian stood gazing at the walls of Xu Chang. It was here that they would cease running, turn, and throw their full might against the Japanese armies. Once they gained admittance to the city, he, Zhou Yu and others would meet with Cao Cao to discuss tactics and begin coordinating the defense. Envoys from both Wu and Wei had entered the city to explain the situation, and these included Xiahou Dun and Xu Huang.

Sun Jian turned to his second son, Sun Quan. He spread an arm out to take in the hundred-and-a-half-thousand strong mass of Wu refugees, their moans, cries and curious stenches drifting to the two men.

"Quan, one day all of this will be yours."

The unexpected declaration took Quan by surprise. He blinked a few times. ". . . I don't know what to say. Other than Ce may yet be alive, and that he is older than-"

"Ce's dead to me, Quan," Jian said flatly. "Loud music, bad attitude, tonfas . . . he was never going to rule. A king needs a big sword. Everyone knows that." He folded his arms. "You, Sun Quan, shall rule when I die."

The groans of the weary and wounded continued to rise up behind them. Sun Quan swallowed. "Do you not think we should discuss this later?"

Sun Jian reached to smack the back of Quan's head. "The future of our kingdom takes precedence over all- _that _is what I think!"

"Father, we no longer _have _a kingdom," the prince pointed out glumly.

"If you keep speaking like that, your sister will see the throne before you do."

* * *

Xu Huang pursed his lips as Xiahou Dun finished his recounting of the horrors Wu had inflicted upon him. It had taken some time, and Cao Cao, seated on his throne, looked quite bored. He also looked rather intimidating, as he had not yet cleaned pieces of Zuo Ci's from himself.

"Fine, fine! We will not let Wu in!" the king announced.

"But Lord Cao Cao," Cheng Pu, a Wu officer, blurted. "That was all a lie! We never did those things!"

Dun drew his great scimitar. "Are you calling me a liar? Me, Xiahou Dun?!"

Cao Pi, seated beside his father, looked to Xu Huang for confirmation. The axe man shook his head rapidly, but stopped quickly with a gulp when Xiahou Dun turned to him.

"My account of events is accurate, I assure you," Cheng Pu said, edging away from Dun. "Our countries united in an attempt to destroy the invaders, but we were forced to flee in failure. Lords Taishi Ci of Wu and Cao Ren of Wei perished in the battle, and the fate of Lords Sun Ce and Zhang Liao remain unknown."

Xu Huang ignored a deathly glare from Xiahou Dun and nodded. "He is correct. In the spirit of our truce and in the face of necessity, we fought together and slew many. But there are many, many more invaders, with their strange and powerful weapons."

Cao Cao nodded several times, but when he made no reply it soon became apparent he had fallen asleep. Cao Pi grimaced when the king began to snore, drool gushing over his chin. This was not the strong front he had hoped to present to Wu.

Dun pointed his sword at Cheng Pu and shot a pleading look at Cao Pi. "But Wu is evil! We don't need them now that our forces are near whole!"

Skulking around the throne, Simi Yi waved dismissively to Xiahou Dun. "I am afraid these matters require more brain power than is necessary to work a single eyeball. Put the sword away and be gone. Go get a muffin or something."

"We have muffins?"

"With Xu Zhu around? No. But leave anyway."

Xiahou Dun narrowed his eye, and the action nearly left him blind.

"Why is his lordship Cao Cao covered in blood?" Xu Huang asked as Dun turned and stalked from the throne room.

Pi snorted. "A failed assassination attempt."

"Oh? Who was he trying to kill?"

"He wasn't trying- actually, forget it." Cao Pi grabbed Cao Cao's arm and shook it. "Father, wake up. This is important."

"We don't need him," Sima Yi snapped. "Just make sure he knows that we haven't been overrun by Wu when he wakes up."

Cao Pi was more than slightly suspicious at allowing so many Wu soldiers into Xu Chang. While Zuo Ci had been 'apprehended', it was entirely possible that there had been more than one assassin. After all, wizards were not known for their use of daggers.

Then there was the matter of letting Wu in at all. With He Fei, he had been told it had been the only way, but now . . . Allowing them into the capital in such great numbers would be beyond foolhardy. But then, there was a solution.

"As father would have said, we shall allow a maximum of one thousand of your soldiers and five thousand of your peasants within our walls at any given time. You will be able to rotate these freely, and we shall of course send out any necessary food and supplies for those who remain outside. I will send caravans to the outlying villages to procure food to satisfy the demand."

"Six thousand at a time?" Cheng Pu balked. "Are you suggesting that we would plot to steal Xu Chang in the face of this foreign invasion?"

"Here we go again," Xu Huang said with a sigh.

"Be at ease," Cao Pi said smoothly. "It is merely practicality; our fair city can only support so many, you understand."

"We offer _our _swords to save _your _necks!" Pu growled. "And how are we expected to defend your _fair city _if we are not _inside _your fair city?"

The king's son locked his fingers and rested one leg over the other. "I shall be discussing that with Lord Sun Jian. Now, go and choose your six thousand."

Finally, the gates of Xu Chang were beginning to swing open. Several horsemen rode out towards the great Wu gathering.

Sun Jian, his children, Zhou Yu and many other important officers were soon on their way into the city, and after that soldiers and peasants began to trickle in.

Accommodating them all would push the region to its limits, and ensure that a drawn-out siege would be impossible. It was likely that the peasants would be sent yet deeper into Wei.

* * *

"So you see," Zhuge Liang finished, "It is in all of our interests that you let us pass into Wei."

Pang De looked to the Shu strategist, to the colossal river of soldiers behind him, then back to his five thousand troops, the soldiers that Sima Yi had accidentally sent to Shang Dang in the north. He did a few quick calculations.

". . . Yes, well . . . I'm inclined to believe you. But that story is rather retarded, and you are Zhuge Liang. Are you sure you're not trying to trick me?"

Liu Bei stepped forward. "Always mistrusting! I told you, Master Zhuge!"

"We have a truce, if you recall," the White Wizard pointed out. "We of Shu are sickeningly honorable, it is said."

Pang De scratch his back with one of his short halberds. "Well, so you are, but . . ." He looked again to the huge Shu force, then back to his far smaller one. Thoughts of cowering before the huge enemy army danced in his head.

He banged on the side of his helmet suddenly and twirled his twin halberds. "Do you think that just because I am really strong and have superb facial hair, that I am some kind of moron? We shall not fall for such a ruse!"

Liu Bei put his hands on his hips. "In that case, you intend to impede our path when we move to aid your king? With such a small force you could not hope to stop us if we chose to fight you."

Pang De grinned. "That's where you're wrong! The Great Zhang Liao held He Fei with just five hundred men, against a force of one million! Numbers are not everything!"

"Tales of that battle were mildly exaggerated," Zhang Liao announced, riding out of the trees and into view. He was barley recognizable, as he wore no flamboyant hat, no shinning blue breastplate, had no right ear and carried no gleaming spear. Perhaps most shocking of all, his mustache had overgrown into a beard.

Behind him came a small group of Shu horsemen, who did not have their weapons trained on the Wei general.

"It was actually my force of one million against a force of five hundred men," Liao said with a good-humored laugh. That was something else that entirely seemed different about him: his demeanor. "I wrote most of the tales regarding the battle personally. But anyway, He Fei has fallen now."

He climbed down from his saddle, one of the Shu horsemen doing the same and rushing to kneel before Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei.

"My lords, this man is indeed Zhang Liao of Wei. We encountered him in the south, and brought him straight here as Lord Zhuge Liang ordered us."

"Thank you, peon," Liang said coolly, not bothering to explain to a curious looking-Liu Bei that he had been in contact with the southern force via letters. "Now before you return south, go find yourself something to eat. A muffin, perhaps."

"Do we have muffins?"

". . . No."

Pang De closed his gaping jaw and ran forward to hug Liao. "Lord Zhang Liao, it is you! You had been feared dead! What are you doing here? Why are you traveling with Shu? Is what they said about Japan true? Where did your ear go? And did I hear someone say muffin?"

The returned general patted De's back awkwardly. "There will be time to answer those questions later, but yes, it is true."

"There _are _muffins?" De whispered eagerly.

"I meant about the Japanese. You must stand down your forces, and travel with Lord Liu Bei back to the capital with all haste. The forces of the warlord Toyotomi Hideyoshi will march soon, and we must present a united front if we hope for victory."

"That is very understanding of you, Zhang Liao," Guan Yu said as he approached the small gathering. "It is good to see you again, though I must say your attempt at a beard it pitiful."

Liao grinned. "As is your effort at a tactful greeting. Fortunately for you, it seems the heavens do not wish us to battle on this occasion."

"Fortunately for me? You do not even have a weapon."

"The gods love me, however, so I would still triumph."

"Not this god."

"Make that the important gods, then."

"Can we move this along? Please?" Liu Bei interrupted timidly.

Guan Yu picked the Shu king up, twirled him over his hairy head and set him back on the ground with a cheerful laugh. "Of course, brother! There will be time for proper reunions later."

Zhuge Liang steadied Liu Bei. "Then let us go. Delay will cost us in the days to come."

And so the forces of Shu and force led by Pang De marched onward to Xu Chang, where plans would be made for the coming battle.

* * *

High above the oblivious samurai camp, a dark figure circled, its green rodes flapping in the strong evening breeze. It gazed down at the lights of the huge camp, wondering briefly at the 'shinnies.' It cocked its head. The moon was out, but currently behind a cloud. Now was as good a time as any to begin its daring raid.

The thing set its feet steadily on its staff before suddenly plummeting, angling downwards towards the eastern edge of the camp. It was confident that no-one would notice its descent, but all the same it could not risk landing in the middle of the tent city. The only thing now would be landing quietly and undetected.

The tent collapsed inwards as Pang Tong crashed into it from above, and the panicked cries of the samurai within drew attention from all around. Pang Tong hissed as he struggled his way out of the folds of the tent, bashing the heads that poked up beneath the cloth with his green staff.

When he rolled clear of the mass of cloth, his masked and hooded head came up to see a dozen men with swords standing around him in the torchlight.

His covert operation no longer covert, the Shu officer saw no need to sneak about. He raised one hand, and a blast of wind sent the samurai flying back into another tent.

Then Tong disappeared into the shadows, scuttling deeper into the Japanese camp as men shouted after him. From under his rodes he pulled a large sack, which he slung over one shoulder. He began his hunt for the armory.

* * *

Nagamasa's head snapped up and as he heard a tent collapse next to him. The sounds of men shouting and the clatter of weapons surprised him even more. Being no stranger to assassination attempts, he quickly gathered up his swords and walked out of the tent carefully slipping into his _gata_.

To his surprise, there was a small man who was just getting out of the collapsed tent. When several of Nagamasa's closest retainers stepped out of their tents with their swords drawn, the small man threw up his arm and the samurai toppled backwards due to an incredibly powerful wind gust.

The man wasted no time, but fled into the shadows and Nagamasa drew his sword and followed after him, "He's over here! After him!" he shouted.

Coming out of the shadows, Pang Tong leaped a camp fire, dropping and rolling to put out his smoldering robes. Men hurled themselves aside as the hunched figure ran through the camp trailing smoke.

Tong leaped again, this time levitating over the heads of several samurai on his staff. On lashed out with his spear, but toppled off balance after missing his target.

The thing didn't slow, dropping to the ground again and dashing away. It could smell gunpowder, and knew it was close now.

Nagamasa followed the thing at a run, shouting and rousing his retainers he soon had a circle of protectors against attack. Most likely it was an assassin, so they treated this creature with extreme caution. _Ninja_ were extremely dangerous, more so when cornered.

The creature jumped over a fire and continued running, despite being in flames.

"Maybe it is a demon," one of his retainers panted.

"Then if it is, it shall be destroyed tonight!" Nagamasa shouted back, and that was when he realized where he was: the riflemen's camp.

* * *

Pang Tong was suddenly surrounded by guns. They were not pointed at him though, rather leaning upright in various stands. Tere were hundreds of firearms and cannons it seemed, packed tight under canopies or against racks and stands.

At the centre of the vast armory was a large tent, and it was in here the thing ducked. He could hear the sounds of pursuit behind.

Given the area around the tent, the contents of the inside was as expected; wall to wall with devastating weaponry. Tong lifted the sack from his shoulder.

When he emerged from the tent the sack was bulging, and a good two dozen rifle butts poked out of the top. The thing's steps were slow, and as he walked forward he looked up ahead.

The way was barred by a considerable amount of samurai.

Pang Tong frowned in annoyance beneath his mask.

Nagamasa stepped forward, sword in his fist. A dozen riflemen stepped onto either side of him, lining their sights up on the small and somewhat smoking creature.

"Give up. You cannot get away now and if you try we will certainly kill you," Nagamasa advised, bringing his sword up, "And my master will collect your ears. He likes ears."

The thing shrugged, realizing it was outnumbered. It made to lower the sack. . .

Then it brought the sack about, so that two dozen rifles were trained on Nagamasa. Tong smirked. . .

Then he realized he had no idea how to work the weapons, turned, and ran. As he darted off to the side, a fusillade of bullets tore at the ground around his feet.

Tong ducked behind a barrel, unable to read the Japanese character for 'gunpowder' scrawled on the side. He did not stay there long, running headlong down another tent street, all the while attempting to take flight. The sack, however, was far too heavy, and kept him grounded. It found itself emptying rifles from the sack as it ran, becoming lighter every moment.

Soon there were only two remaining, but Tong was nearing the end of the street. Samurai were pouring down the street after him as he went. It would be close.

With a hop and skip Tong took to the air, tucking his staff underneath himself and skimming the roof of a tent as he rose. once in the air, he ascended quickly with his prizes.

Nagamasa came to a halt just as the strange creature cleared a tent, not sure his eyes had continued working.

"Shoot it down!" he growled.

More and more riflemen lined up their sights and fired into the sky. To Nagamasa's satisfaction, he saw one of the bullets nick the flying demon. It wavered for a moment, but continued flying, now safely out of range and the samurai's attack, so he ordered them to cease firing.

"Nice shot," Nagamasa said as he turned to the riflemen who had fired the hit. To his horror, the man had his rifle pointed at an angle _away _from the fleeing demon, "How did you hit him like that!" he exclaimed.

The man shrugged, "I noticed that they work better if you aim away from the target my lord. They don't fly straight, you see."

Nagamasa nodded, still in shock, "Very well, I must see the _kampaku_ about this," he said and spun around and began to stalk angrily toward the _Kampaku's_ camp.

* * *

Nagamasa arrived at the very center of the encampment just as Tokugawa Ieyasu stepped out of his tent. Nagamasa stopped and tried to slip into another tent to avoid the stout general, but it was too late. With a shout, Tokugawa called Nagamasa's name and he knew he had been caught.

"Good evening, Lord of the Mikawa," Nagamasa said politely.

"Come here Nagamasa," Ieyasu said insistently motioning him into his tent, "There is something I want to show you."

Reluctantly, the lesser lord obeyed and walked into the tent. Inside sitting still in a box sat a very large spear. Something about it was odd, however and Nagamasa turned a questioning look to his host.

"It's my newest weapon," Ieyasu explained, "It's called the 'Cannon spear.'"

"Would it happen to have a cannon inside of it?" Nagamasa asked doubtfully.

"Yes," he said grinning, "What do you think?"

"It seems…unlikely," Nagamasa said truthfully, "How did you create such a weapon?"

"That is my little secret!" Ieyasu said fiercely.

"Alright, alright, yeesh," Nagamasa said putting his hands up fiercely, "I was just on my way to go see the _kampaku_, there was a disturbance in my camp. A Chinese spy infiltrated our base."

"Really? So that was what all of the shooting was about. I thought about sending someone to investigate but decided against it," Ieyasu said stroking his thick beard.

"Why didn't you?"

Ieyasu shrugged and turned away, "Because I did not have the men to send to investigate," _because I was smart enough to keep them home and out of this war_, he thought.

"Of course," Nagamasa said, "I hope your Cannon Spear works out, but I must go. Good bye, Lord Ieyasu."

When Nagamasa arrived at the _kampaku's_ tent, he was surprised to find out that the military dictator of Japan was still awake, looking over maps. He knew that they were marching the next morning for the Wei capital of Xu Chang. Hopefully the resulting victory would subdue the neighboring kingdoms into submission.

After gaining entry, Nagamasa bowed before the _Kampaku_ and explained what had happened in his camp.

"Hmm, like this news, I do not," Hideyoshi Toyatomi said stroking his moustaches, "On the eve of battle, stolen goods bode not well with me."

"Yes my lord, but the vermin did not escape but with one or two of our precious rifles before he made his escape."

"Then track him you should, bring him back," Hideyoshi said frowning.

"Ah…yes, he flew away…" Nagamasa said, his face reddening, "So sorry…"

Hideyoshi's scowled darkend, "A problem, that is not. Send Hanzo, we must."

Nagamasa frowned in confusion, "My lord, I do not know if you heard me, but he flew away…"

"Is this a problem?" came a dark voice from behind Nagamasa and the _daimyo_ turned in surprise to see Hattori Hanzo standing behind him. The head of the Iga clan stood dressed in armor that was completely black, with the only thing showing his face. This appearance was easily explained, because the Hattori family was a long line of ninja who had been known to serve the _daimyo_ of the Mikawa since ancient times.

That didn't mean that it spooked Nagamasa every single time the man appeared where no one thought he was. It meant that the man was seen only when he wanted to be, and that irritated Nagamasa immensely.

"Surly you cannot follow a person who flies?" Nagamasa said doubtfully.

"The Iga clan knows many things," Hanzo said ominously, "Such as that the man who infiltrated your camp was hit by one of your musketeers."

Nagamasa frowned, he had not mentioned that. Freakin' ninja…

"Kill this fool who had decided to break into our camp, you must," Hideyoshi ordered, "Bring back his head, you will."

"Yes, my lord," Hanzo said smoothly, before bowing. The man threw something at his feet and then disappeared in a puff of smoke. Coughing, Nagamasa tried to clear the smoke from his lungs.

"I wish he would do that outside," Nagamasa said grinding his teeth.

Hideyoshi grinned, making Nagamasa uncomfortable, "Get some rest, we move on Xu Chang in the morning. Collect more ears, I must!"

Suddenly more uncomfortable, Nagamasa nodded his head and bowed before backing out the tent flap. _He_ did not need to disappear in a puff of smoke. Freakin ninja…

* * *

Pang Tong was feeling dizzy, and its flight path unsteady. It was the bullet hole in its right buttock that that was causing it to fly so, the price of the two firearms it had managed to steal for Zhuge Liang.

It was still night, and it needed to land and rest for a time once it located a suitable spot.

From high above, it soon saw an ideal area and dropped like a rock to land on a carpet of dead leaves. A few rose up and scattered with the impact, and Pang Tong raised himself out of the pile. It looked around the clearing in the forest where it had landed, and deciding that the area was clear of danger, it dropped back on the leaves to tend its wounds.

Shadows shifted around the clearing and in the tree line, and an ominous breeze kicked up suddenly.

Hattori Hanzo crept in the shadows of the trees and shrubs indigenous to this part of China. His orders had been clear, to kill the man that had been fool hardy enough to violate Nagamasa's armory. Producing a handful of _shuriken_, he expertly found the distance and flung his fistful from the shadows at the hunched form of Pang Tong.

The deadly blades spun towards Tong, but the creature was up in a flash, lifting his arms and raising the pile of leaves in a whirlwind around him.

The _shuriken_ disappeared into the curtain of leaves, and a moment later the leaves began to drop back to the ground.

Pang Tong stood where he had before, hand outstretched in a mystical gesture.

Five shuriken were buried in his palm. He shrieked and began running in circles, staff over his head.

Hanzo's eyes narrowed. He had been aiming for the _other_ hand!

Stepping out of the shadows, he began thinking about the appropriate scary phrase he would use on the screaming man before he put him out of his misery. He usually said something like, "When you fight with the shadows, you cannot be defeated," or, "Remember my eyes, because they will be the last thing you will ever see," or some such. But he was sure that neither of those would work this time, so he pulled one he had not used for a very long time.

Stepping forward as he produced his kusarigama, a scythe attached to a chain, and said in his darkest most menacing voice, "Cheaters never prosper! and Thieves always get caught!" he then tried to stick his tongue out at the screaming little man, but it hit the cloth that was always covering his face, making him feel quite silly.

Deciding that that would be enough scary talk, he would finish off the screaming man now...

Pang Tong stopped screaming and turned to the advancing figure warily. It was the ninja's wise words that caught his attention, for this master of deceit and murder obviously believed that cheats and thieves never prospered.

The hunched creature shook the shuriken from its hand as he noted the large and menacing hybrid scythe the ninja carried.

Tong narrowed its eyes above his own mask and indicated the weapon. "Is farmer lost?"

"The farmer is not lost, but what will be lost is your HEAD!" Hanzo shouted as he flung his blade at Pang Tong's neck.

"Try find our neck first, yesss." Pang Tong scampered back, avoiding the strike. He snatched up the stolen guns and pointed his staff at the ninja.

"You're mask ugly and unfashionable, yesss. You meet ladies never because of it." Tong stuck his tongue out, which hit against his own mask.

Hanzo brought his weapon back in surprise, no one ever mocked him after he had taunted him. Oh, he would kill this small creature...and then he would send his body parts back to where ever he had come from. Except for the ears of course, Lord Hideyoshi would want those...

"I get many women, thank you very much. More then a small hunchbacked creature with no neck like you will ever get!" With another flick of his wrist, he sent his scythe spinning across the distance between them.

Tong leapt the scythe and hovered there in the air. "Referred to as 'it' we are. We could be female."

With that he kicked Hanzo in the face and wheeled about in the air, setting his staff beneath him. His rest had been disrupted, and now he would have to continued on to Shu more wounded than he had been before.

He began to rise higher.

Hanzo fell backwards, his scythe on the ground next to him. Jumping to his feet quickly, he swung the long chain around as quickly as possible but it was too late.

Enraged that his target had escaped him, Hanzo knew he could not return to his lord in failure.

The shadows shifted, and he disappeared again.

* * *

It was a day later in Xu Chang's great war room. Arrayed about a huge rectangular table were the kings of the Three Kingdoms and their principle strategists and advisors. Spread over this table was a great map of the Henan province, the region in which Wei's capital was located.

"Our scouts report that the Japanese army is two full days march from Xu Chang," Cao Pi announced, looking around the table to Liu Bei and Sun Jian, his expression one of poorly concealed distaste. "Wei is greatful for your swords in this coming struggle."

Sun Jian nodded. "As we shall be greatful for yours, once we drive the samurai from Wei. I intend to reclaim the glorious kingdom of Wu."

"And good luck with that,' Cao Pi muttered under his breath. Louder he said, "But of course."

"I have devised a plan to defeat- " Zhuge Liang began.

"So have I!" Zhou Yu and Sime Yi shouted, then glared at each other.

"This may take a while," Liu Bei observed.

"I agree," Cao Cao said. "And I have also forgotten why I used to hate you."

That was it. Cao Pi now knew that his father was truly too far gone. He merely forced a smile though, saying, "Yes, that's right. We are all friends now."

Zhuge Liang seized the moment. "Our main force will take to the feild, meeting the enemy advace far out from the walls of the city. Due to our inability to withstand a seige against enemy cannons, this is the logical option. This main force shall consist of mostly Wei and Wu soldiers, though our own warriors will have a considerable presence as well. I myself shall take to the field with this force, while at the same time the rest of our men from Shu shall circle about area, moving into position in the west to strike at the Japanese flank."

Zhou Yu banged his fists on the table. "I was going to say that, you bastard!"

"Uh, yes, so was I," Sima Yi said hastily.

Liang smiled. "Excellent. Then we are all agreed."

Zhou Yu had the feeling that he and Yi had just been baited. "What? No, we're not using one of your- "

"Then it's settled!," Cao Cao declared, doing a remarkable job of staying awake. It was the planning of war that kept him perky; it increased his, er, blood flow.

"Yes," Liu Bei chimed in happily. "Master Zhuge's plans are always the best!"

Zhou Yu lean over the table menacingly to eye the White Wizard. "Is that so? Perhaps Master Zhuge would care to inform us of the likelyhood of victory in any case, using his plan or no?"

Attention focused wholely on Liang now, and he actually looked slightly uncomfortable as he spoke. "The samurai forces outnumber our own vastly, they have nearly two hundred and fifty thousand while we are under two hundred thousand. To complicate things, they are of course in possession of rifles and cannons. It is true that even with the best possible plan- my own- we stand no great chance of victory."

"There! There, he said it!" Zhou Yu shouted triumphantly. "We stand little chance of victory using his plan!"

"Put up or shut up, ladyboy." Cao Cao snapped with his usual unpredictability. "Zhuge Liang is the best. I've always said so!"

Sima Yi's eyes popped open. "Is that right?!"

Zhuge Liang locked his fingers. "Yes, it is. The samurai forces are marching throughout the land. War is once again sweeping the world, and I have heard tell that there is now even fighting in the Nan Zhong; a civil war amongst the Nanman tribes."

"And that has what to do with us?" Zhou Yu snapped. "We must focus on the problem before us, which will require a miracle to defeat!"

The room fell silent for several moments, before on man spoke up.

"I may have such a miracle," Sima Yi said. He moved across the room to a bookcase and pulled on one particular volume. A section of wall swung in.

"If you would all follow me . . ."

With great suspicion, especially from Cao Pi and Cao Cao, the assembled leaders followed Sima Yi down a dark and winding stone staircase, into the cold depths of Xu Chang.

"Sima Yi, what is this place?" Cao Pi demanded. "I never knew there was a passsge here!"

"Oh really?" Yi replied flipantly. "Hm, I guess you didn't. Maybe if you weren't all so busy listening to Zhuge Liang, you would have."

"That does not even make sense," the White Wizard pointed out as they descended.

"It's so dark in here," Yue Ying, Liang's wife and fellow strategist commented.

"Fear not, my love. Once we reach the bottom I will let there be light."

"We're here!" Sima Yi announced, his purple slippeds flopping on the stone floor at the bottom of the stairs. There was light here from a single torch, but it was dim and did not dispel the soffocating darkness of what appeared to be a small stone room.

"Where are- " Cao Cao started to ask, but Sima Yi shushed him loudly.

Heavy breathing could be heard across the room, in the darkness.

The leaders of the Three Kingdoms shifted nervously, hands going to weapons.

"I-is someone there?" Sun Jian demanded unsteadily.

More heavy breathing.

Sima Yi moved directly beneath the light of the torch, enjoying his moment. "Fear not, little Zhuge Liang. He cannot hurt you."

"Who?" Liang demanded. "Who is in this room?"

Yi grinned wickedly and lifted the torch from the wall bracket. He began walking towards the sound of breathing. "I was saving this for a special occassion, but what could be more special than winning this war?"

Those gathered stepped forward, leaning closer as light slowly fell across a wall of glass, with a row of large circular holes stretching its length. Sima Yi stopped a few feet short of the glass. The breathing slowed, then stopped completely.

Yi lifted the torch closer to reveal the mightly Lu Bu behind the glass, bound in a straight jacket and shackled to the floor, ceiling and walls. A leather mask was strapped over his face.

"Hello Clarice," he growled.

* * *

And so the next morning, the entire might of the Japanese army broke camp and began the long two day march for Xu Chang, the capital of Wei and hopefully the death knell of the resistance in China. Before dawn broke however, Lord Ieyasu Tokugawa met with a visitor who appeared in the darkness of the night, nearly invisible. Unlike Lord Hattori Hanzo, these visitors had no claim to anyone but to themselves and to gold. After Tokugawa met with these shadowy visitors, they departed undected from the camp and made for Xu Chang quickly ahead of the main force, their purpose unknown.

In two days, a battle would rage between two unlikely titans. A united China, and a united Japan, the battle of a millenium. Which millenium was anyone's guess, but one thing was for certain: it would be a day that nobody would ever forget.


	15. Misconceptions

Chapter 15: Misconceptions

"You told me you had him executed!," Cao Cao hollered at Sima Yi, pointing to Lu Bu furiously. The vicious warrior was bound by many leather straps and heavy chains, and had been wheeled up the stairs standing up on an upright trolley. At the moment he was propped against a wall of Xu Chang's main war room, still with the intimidating leather mask over his face. Just incase he really could breath fire, like the stories said.

"How long has he been down there?," the king demanded.

"Maybe ten years? I'm Sima Yi- what did you expect?" The purple robed strategist reclined in his chair around the huge table. "Anyway, there's no sense in holding me accountable for it now. We need him on our team."

"That's a rather dangerous sex-slave you have there," Zhuge Liang commented, nodding to Bu. "Interesting outfit too. Perhaps next time I should send you leather and handcuffs?"

"Master Zhuge, heel," Liu Bei ordered without a hint of authority.

"Before someone starts bouncing bricks off your head," Sima Yi snarled.

"Subtle as always," Liang quipped. "Did you learn that one from The Art of War?"

"Please maneuver your massive heads to face the man by that wall," Zhou Yu said. "See him there? We need to deal with him, and you children are not helping."

"I know how to deal with him," Xu Huang voiced. "Get me a long box and a shovel."

"And find a crossroad at which we might bury him," Guan Yu agreed.

"Let's not be too rash," Sun Quan interrupted. "As Sima Yi says, Lu Bu has great potential as a weapon. He may help turn the tide in our favour."

"Or kill us all, given the chance." Guan Yu folded his arms.

"We could never trust him," Zhou Yu agreed flatly. "The risk is too great, the stakes too high. Lord Sun Jian?"

"Our victory cannot afford to hinge on a traitor's alleigance. Is that not so, Lord Liu Bei?"

Liu Bei looked around, as if suprised to be asked for input. "Oh, I wouldn't judge him too harshly. His adoptive fathers may have given him just reason to murder them. Remember Dong Zhou? I think we can all agree that _he _wasn't a very nice man."

"Lu Bu betrayed you," Sun Jian pointed out.

"Forgive and forget, I always say. We can still be friends, I am sure."

"Not if I ram my sword . . . into his face," the king of Wu declared. "I for one know that a tiger never chages its spots."

_"Hello?" _Lu Bu wriggled noisily in his confines. "I'm right here, you bastards!"

Cao Cao waved cheerily. "Hello, Lu Bu! You know, I actually thought I had you killed?"

"I heard you!"

Cao Pi sighed. "Lord Xu Huang, if you would be so kind as to take our guest into the next room?"

"I believe that Sima Yi's foresight in perserving this villain may indeed prove valuable," Zhuge Liang said as Lu Bu was wheeled out of the room, growling obscenities and swearing vengance upon all. "I will, of course, have to consult the stars on this matter."

Sima Yi balked. "Are you actually . . . _agreeing _with me? _Zhuge Liang_, agreeing with _me_?"

"Yes, that is right. As foolish and treacherous as keeping Lu Bu alive was, in direct contradiction to your king's wishes, it seems that your lack of intelligence and reasoning have on this occasion proven fortuitous."

Yi processed the difficult sentence for a few moments, deciding eventually that he had been insulted. " . . . You . . . just coudn't let me have my moment, could you?"

"I see through you like a wet female garment, Zhuge Liang," Zhou Yu snorted knowingly. "You choose to support Sima Yi to avoid agreeing with me! Could your fragile ego not stand such a thing?" Zhuge Liang ignored him, making Zhou Yu even more frustrated. He glowered. "Silence from one who will not acknowledge his better."

Cao Cao rocked back in his chair slightly. "Two out of three strategists recommend Lu Bu in our diet! Motion carried!"

"What?," Sun Jian interrupted. "I will not stand for this! Let me fetch my other strategists!"

"Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours, I'm afraid," Cao Cao said with finality. "Lu Bu is with us."

"Imagine if he were against us," Zhuge Liang said quietly.

All roving Wu and Wei forces had finally joined up at Xu Chang, and planning for the battle ahead was almost complete. The three forces of Wu, Wei and Shu would be deployed to fight in union with each other, with all units commanded by officers native to their kingdoms in order to reduce anger, hurt pride and possible disobedience. Soldiers were readying to march, and Zhuge Liang's inventions were being mobilised. Some had already been deployed, with teams of Shu engineers moving covertly through the night to the expected site of battle.

* * *

Honda glanced over his shoulder at the long column of men snaking along behind him. Something seemed…odd. The great warrior could not place his finger on it, but it was making him unsettled.

Suddenly someone pulled along side of him in their horse, and Honda glanced over to see Date Masamune coming up on him. Masamune had to turn to look at Honda with his whole body, as he was missing his right eye.

"Hello, Masamune," Honda said carefully. How could one be such an effective ruler with only one eye? Honda was also uneasy about Masamune ever since the Battle of Odawara castle, when he had been reluctant to join Hideyoshi at the battle, despite knowing that if he did not, his clan would be crushed. It made Honda worry about the man's pride, and if being under someone else's rule annoyed the man somehow.

"Hyia Tadakatsu," Masamune said grinning.

"Hello Masamune," Honda said solemnly.

"You ready for battle?" Masamune grinned like a cat.

Honda glanced up at Masamune's half-moon helmet that he was renowned for when he was in battle, "Yes…" he said reluctantly.

"That's great!" the younger general said cheerfully.

Honda was silent for a moment before he asked, "Is it true that you pulled out your own eye?"

Masamune shot daggers at Honda out from under his helmet, "Why does everybody keep asking me that?" he replied angrily before spurring his horse forward, away from Honda without answering.

Honda grinned as he eased back in his saddle, enjoying the silence interrupted only by the creak of saddles and set to the rhythmic march of soldiers.

Nagamasa rode at the very head of the column, the point guard for the main army. Nagamasa suspected that he had been given the 'honor' of point guard for his failure to capture the winged creature that had infiltrated his base the night before. They had set a heavy pace though, because the strategists had determined that anymore lessening of momentum would give the armies that were defending more time to set up a solid defense.

Nagamasa was thinking this over when suddenly one of his retainers gave a shout and pointed forward. Looking forward, Nagamasa was startled to see an armored rider on a horse riding at full gallop toward the column of men. As he drew closer, Nagamasa recognized Naitou Joan, Yukinaga's aide who had volunteered his service to Nagamasa as a scout after his master could not be found after the battle of Hefei.

Feeling pity for the man, because if Yukinaga was indeed dead then his retainers would almost certainly become _ronin_, he had accepted Joan's offer. Now the man rode for Nagamasa at full speed as though a herd of _oni_ were on his heels.

"My lord," he said as he pulled reign, "The city of Xu Chang is just a few leagues distant, but the enemies have put together an extremely large force between us and the city."

"How big?" Nagamasa asked.

"Extremely large," Joan replied, "I did not have time to count them."

Nagamasa frowned at Joan, but decided that he did not have time to rebuke him. He ordered a full halt, and ordered to Joan, "Take two of my men and go back to the _Kampaku_ and Lord Tokugawa. Inform them of what you have seen and report back to me after that! Now go!"

Nagamasa looked around at his troops and gave the order for them to dismount, "The enemy is upon us!" he shouted, "Prepare for battle!"

His soldiers returned with a loud battle cry, and pumped their fists in the air.

* * *

Liu Bei stood alone, gazing out across the city of Xu Chang from a wide balcony within Cao Cao's appartments. It was all so troubling. They still knew nothing definite about the Japanese and their motives, their weapons and their strange hats. Liu Bei knew that if the samurai leaders would just sit down with him and talk, everything could be worked out over a tasty plate of baozi.

He turned when he heard Cao Cao enter the room. The king of Wei had invited him there to talk privately, and against the advice of Zhuge Liang and his brothers, he had accepted the invitation.

"Liu Bei, my friend! How good it is to see you again!" Cao Cao strode across a good twenty metres of dark marble tiles to reach him at the balcony, on the other side of the room. When he arrived he was out of breath.

Liu Bei offered a slightly confused smile. "We just left the war council, Lord Cao Cao."

"Eh? That seems like weeks ago." He shrugged.

" . . .If you say so. You wanted to see me, Lord Cao Cao?"

Cao Cao seemed to ignore the question, sweeping an arm out to the courtyard below, and the city beyond. "This, _this _is Xu Chang. My city. The capital of Wei. My country."

Liu Bei followed the sweeping gesture with his eyes. "Yes . . . it is a very nice city."

"I know that. It's nice because it is mine. Do you think I would live in a some squalid hut in the middle of a swamp? No, this is my home, surrounded by my walls and my soldiers." The king of Wei stiffened. "It is my city, and there is an assassin here trying to kill me! _Kill _me!"

Liu Bei's hand went for his sword, which he wasn't allowed to wear in the palace and therefore he wasn't carrying. "An assassin? Here? How do you know?"

Cao Cao turned to face the king of Shu deliberately, slowly raising a finger to indicate the dagger still jutting from his topknot.

". . . Ah."

"Quite."

Concern lit Liu Bei's earnest face. "I can't imagine who would send an assassin to kill you. I would never, you know, and Sun Jian has always seemed an honest fellow. Who else would wish you dead?"

Cao's mind wandered into a flashback sequence:

_"I shall fight you til my dying day, Lord Cao Cao!," Yuan Shao shouted. "For the honour of the Yuan family, I shall see you dead through any means necessary- that includes assassination, by the way."_

Cao Cao blinked. "No, it could not be Yuan Shao. He is obviously just a cameo in my flashback. Liu Bei, I do not know who sent this assassin, but he has tried to kill me twice now! I want you to protect me."

"Me?," Liu Bei's eyes widened. "But why? Surely you have loyal retainers and bodyguards- "

"They're all stupid. I can only trust you, because if you give me your word that you will protect me, I know you will keep it."

Bei frowned. "What makes you think that?"

"Because you're Liu Bei."

" . . . Drat, you're right. But I still do not see a reason to help you in this, I am afraid. Besides, I am sure you are safer than you seem to believe."

Cao reached up, plucked the dagger from his hair and sent it thunking into Liu Bei's own topknot. "There. Do _you _feel safe now?"

"Arh! Lord Cao Cao, have you lost your mind?"

The irony of that question went unnoticed by both of them.

"Not at all. See? It is hard to feel safe with a crazy person trying to kill you."

"I-I suppose so. But I still do not-"

"Protect me, please!" Cao Cao whined, his eyes going watery. "You are the only one who can!"

Liu Bei shook his head as he removed the dagger, amazed. What would Zhuge Liang say to this? He sighed. "D-do not cry, Lord Cao Cao. I . . . suppose I could keep an eye on you, and watch for anything suspicious . . . But just until we march against the samurai. Understood?"

Cao Cao grinned and nodded. "Thank you, Liu Bei, thank you! This shall not be forgotten . . .

"But if you tell anyone, I'll kill you myself."

The king of Shu gulped. What had he just agreed to, and why the hell had he done so? He cleared his throat and looked out across the slanted roofs of Xu Chang once again, trying not to seem uneasy.

Cao Cao watched his one-time rival closly for a few moments, his grin slipping away. How could he have ever hated the man? He was so good, so honest, so . . .

"Shexy."

Liu Bei regarded Cao curiously. "Did you say something?"

"Hm? No, I don't think so."

Bei shrugged. "My imagination then. Let us talk more of the coming battle. Master Zhuge Liang and his wife have developed many fascinating inventions- "

_"Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game,"_ Cao Cao began, turning with his cape swirling behind. _"On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame . . ."_

". . . Pardon?"

Cao Cao spread his arms and stepped forward. _"Turning and returning to some secet place inside. Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say . . ."_

Liu Bei backed up. "Lord Cao Cao, are you feeling well? Should I fetch a physician?"

_"Take my breath away!"_ The king of Wei lunged, embracing his former rival tightly, squeezing the air from his lungs. _"Take my breath awaaay!"_

"Wha- ugh- Lord Cao Cao, I think you are killing me . . . but by the gods, I feel the same way!" Liu Bei wrapped his arms around Cao Cao. "You know they will never let us be together, darling! We must run away, far from this terrible war!"

Cao Cao drew back. "Yes, my sweet Beisy-weisy, that is what we shall do! Run far away and live free, and- "

"Lord Cao Cao?"

The king of Wei blinked, his eyes fluttering rapidly. "What? Were was- I . . . Oh."

"It is time you were preparing for the battle, my lord," Dian Wei said, bowing his head where he stood in Cao Cao's appartments. The king and his bodyguard were the only people in the room.

Wei paused. "Are you okay, my lord? You look a little, uh, unwell."

"I'm . . . fine. Help me put on my armour, and we will leave for the field at once!" Cao Cao threw back his shoulders, unaware that another part of him was standing to attention before his bodyguard. _That was an odd day dream, _he thought.

* * *

Honda was stroking the flanks of _Mikuniguro_ when another rider came up next to him. Glancing up into the sun, he could not make out the figure so he assumed it was Masamune again.

"Not now," he said, "Did you not hear? Battle is upon us, I must sharpen my spear."

"You owe me an apology for the behavior of your horse," the man said angrily.

Honda pushed back his antlered helmet and peered up at the man. It was, of all people, Yukinaga.

"Lord Konishi!" Honda said in mock surprise, "I thought you were dead! You should tell the _Kampaku_ that you are alive!"

"I will," a very dirty, tired looking, Yukinaga said, "But first I demand an apology for your horse."

"What has _Mikuniguro_ done that requires any apology? As I recall, he managed to, if not save your men that were across the river, then we saved you from a death at the hands of that big lout. What was his name again? Tai-shi Chow or something?"

"Some rescue!" Yukinaga shouted, "Your horse kicked me into the river and I nearly got eaten by the natives down river!"

"Oh, is that what happened to you?" Honda said innocently, "I had no idea."

Yukinaga's jaw was clenched and his fists were white knuckled, but he closed his eyes and murmured something like, "God grant me strength.." When he opened his eyes again, he seemed calm.

"Then if you will not get an apology out of your horse, can you direct me to the remainder of my men and the _kampaku_?"

Honda's face returned to its usual stony self, "They're up there," he said motioning.

"Thank you," Yukinaga said leading his horse away from the two mighty warriors.

After he was out of earshot, Honda turned to _Mikuniguro_ and looked into the horse's red eyes, "Do you think he knows?" he asked in a whisper.

* * *

A shower of stone fragments rose up from the top of Xu Chang's south wall. Something had just made a great impact, and Wei guards were on their way to investigate in seconds, sounding the alarm as they went.

Pang Tong looked up from the crater in the stone it had made. It was times like this it wished it had bought the flying bicycle rather than the flying staff. Spitting stone chips into its mask it shook its head wildly.

A spear tip apeared before its face, then another and another. Pang Tong looked up to find itself surrounded by guards . . . again. It felt discriminated against- every time it landed like a meteor, people with sharp things came running.

Meaty hands appeared on the shoulder of two guards, and the Wei spearmen were shoved aside, one of them almost being sent over the wall.

Xu Zhu looked down, just managing to see Pang Tong over his enormous belly. A rumbling chuckle sent the entire mass quivering.

"GUYS! It's dah one dah Shoo man wuz waiting for!" A look of worry overcame his face. He flapped his arms and rocked on his heels, and his eyes grew large. With an impact rivalling Tong's he tipped over onto his back. There he struggled like an enormous overturned beetle for several minutes before being helped up by six guards. Eager to inform Cao Cao and to cancel the alarm, the guards then backed away hurriedly from Cao Cao's obese bodyguard.

Pang Tong levitated a foot into the air and nodded its head at Zhu. "Stupid fat bastard. Eats all day, likes locust plague on binge. Only thinks where his next baozi's coming from." With that it turned in the air and began to descend to the courtyard.

Once it was hovering over the side of the wall, Xu Zhu lunged, vaulting the wall and grabbing the mystic's ankles. Together they fell to the flagstones below, and their landing shook the ground for many miles around Xu Chang.

Pang Tong pulled itself out from under Zhu's bulk, and found when it got clear that it was completely flat from the waist down. Also, the rifle it had been carrying was snapped in half.

"Dat's what yous get for being meeean- " Zhu's large round eyes took in the broken weapon and flat Shu officer. He hooked a finger over his lower lip. "Urrr . . . I think you broked it."

Tong raised its hand and sent a cyclone ripping towards Xu Zhu, something which sent him back a step. It then grabbed one of its flattened feet and wrapped its lips around a toe. It proceeded to blow into it until its body was back to normal. Or back to what it was before Xu Zhu crushed it, anyway.

With a look of concentration behind the mask, Tong reached behind itself and under its robes. It closed its eyes in strain, pulled hard, and produced another rifle, this one intact. It sighed. THAT was how you concealed a weapon.

"Gets this to the Master's wizard we does . . . get out of our ways, fattie. Go look for baozi."

Zhuge Liang stood silently in his tent, which was set up just beyond the city's walls. His eyes were closed, his shoulders loose and his posture at ease as he breathed deeply through his nose. Pang Tong stood before him, rifle resting over its shoulder. It had been standing there, watching the unmoving Liang for nearly five minutes.

The wizard's eyes opened suddenly. "Yes? Oh, you have returned."

"Aieh!" Tong jumped back. "We thoughts you were a tree!"

"Ah, it appears my training has paid off then." He adjusted his robes. "I am glad you have returned safely, and I see you managed to capture . . . one . . . firearm. The stars informed me that you had stolen a sack full of them."

"Stars wrong!" Tong said hastily. "Just the one."

"Hmm . . .They also told me that a master assassin was persuing you."

The hunched mystic passed Liang the rifle, and pouted beneath his hood. "Nots a master, obviously"

Zhuge Liang examined the Japanese weapon carefully, nodding his head a many features and shaking his head at others, positive that he could have designed them better. "Huh. I must have time to examine this before the battle, and perhaps learn something that will aid us." He lifted his wrist to glace at the small time-keeping device he wore there. The Chinese armies would be mobilizing within hours, and he needed to be present with Yue Ying to oversee the use of their new weapons. He would not have a great deal of time.

Reaching into his shabby green robes, Pang Tong produced a small sack of round metal bullets and dropped it at Liang's feet. "Japanese have balls," Tong commented. "Leaves you now, we does."

"Indeed. Inform Liu Bei that I will join him soon. I must consult the stars when I am finished here."

* * *

Zhang Liao flipped closed his Bible and leaned back against the baozi stall. He had needed to escape the confines of the castle for a time, and the bustle of the city had a calming affect on him. The day to day life of the people seemed subdued though, and an air of wariness and anticipation hung over the entire city.

Liao glanced down at the leather covered book, eyeing the raised image of a cross on the front._ What an amazing coincidence . . . I just read a fascinating story about one of those. Very odd that I should see one here._

In his time reading the book he had learned many things, though much of the content went over his head, and a large part seemed just plain silly. He had found himself giggling openly at several points, especially when he read that he should go slaughter Zhang He. There were other times when it made him think deeply however, about what he had believed for his entire life.

He now knew why the samurai warrior had felt compelled to give him the book, and now Zhang Liao faced a moral dilema. _He _should be spreading the good word too, but how could he when he had only one Bible? Should he tear it in half? No, that didn't sound right. Perhaps he could remove certain pages, or copy it down? Both ideas seemed impractical.

Liao rose, aware that he would soon be required to be ready to march. He sighed and vowed to give his problem more thought later on. Maybe he could even find some more Bibles on the samurai corpses after the battle.

* * *

"Ah Yukinaga, wondering where you gone, I have been," Hideyoshi said as the tired and dirty _Daimyo_ entered the room of the war tent that had been hastily erected.

"You knew I was alive?" Yukinaga asked at the same time that everybody else in the tent said, "You knew he was alive?'

"Yes," Toyatomi said simply without explanation.

"Erm, right," Tokugawa Ieyasu said, "Anyway, you're just in time to see the battle plan."

Yukinaga looked around to see Tokugawa, Toyatomi, Nagamasa, Shimazu Yoshihiro, Katō Yoshiaki and Date Masamune. Yukinaga knew that Katō was supposed to be in charge of a portion of the _Kampaku's_ fleet, so he was surprised to see him there. He was, however one of Hideyoshi's most trusted generals, so Yukinaga was happy to see him on the eve of the impending battle.

Shimazu reminded Yukinaga of Masamune, a loose cannon. The man was grey haired and squat, while dressed in armor from head to toe. He looked like a walking soup can, but one that carried a massive hammer. The thing must have weighed a ton, as it took a pair of horses to carry the weapon around, so Yukinaga had no idea how the man intended to swing the blasted thing. Loose cannon indeed.

"Here is the layout," Tokugawa continued, scratching below his chin at what looked like was the beginnings of a beard, "The city of Xu Chang is here, just across this open field. Just in front of that open field are a number of small hills, I believe that the enemy will most likely have positioned themselves on those heights."

"That should be no problem," Katō said, "I will use the artillery to pry them out of their hills."

That was something else about Katō, he was a master of cannons. It was said that if a man stood and put his arms in a circle over his head half a mile away, the man could put a cannon ball through those arms. Nobody wanted to try it though, as that did not mean that he missed the man's head, but the man was accurate.

"Yes, I was thinking about that," Tokugawa said, "I think by now the strategist have realized the devastating effect that the cannon have on the battlefield, but not when they have such a skilled…what do you call somebody who uses cannon?"

Everybody thought for a moment before Nagamasa offered, "Demolitions expert?"

"Cannonade Director?" Hideyoshi asked.

"Explosive's instructor?" Katō threw out.

"BOOM BOOM STICK MAN!" Shimazu said loudly.

"Uh, no. Nagamasa's sounds like something from a different video game, my Lord, yours sounds like something used in a parade. Katō, you sound like you want to teach the enemy how to use explosives in a classroom setting and Shimazu, are you retarded?"

Each member of the war council turned their eyes to the ground in disappointment as Tokugawa thought for a moment, "No, it will be Cannon Master! That sounds perfect!"

"Anyway, as I was saying, the cannon need to be more effective, you got that Cannon Master?"

"YES!" Shimazu said at the top of his lungs.

"…I wasn't talking to you, Shimazu. Why don't you go smash something with your hammer huh?"

"Shimazu Smash!" the old man said with a grin on his face. He walked over to where his hammer was sitting on its head, handle sticking up in the air.

After the man walked out, Yukinaga swore he heard Masamune say something like, "And they say _I'm_ incompetent to rule…"

"Right, moving on. There is one thing about the city itself that we could find useful. There's a river that runs through the center of the city, and that would be a great way to get into the city itself if we had somebody get inside the city through the river. I have sent people a head to complete this task, the moment we are upon the city."

"You have people inside the city of Xu Chang and you did not inform us of this?" Nagamasa demanded.

"I informed you, just now," Tokugawa said with a grin.

"That's…not what we meant," Masamune said, somewhat deflated.

"Anyway, as I was saying," Tokugawa went on as though the interruption had been nothing to worry about, "There is a strategist in the city by the name of Zhuge Liang. He has a well known reputation for new machines of war, and I believe he is known for using the ambush frequently."

"How could you possibly know that?" a very irritated Yukinaga demanded. He seemed to be pulling things out of his…spear. And not cannon balls.

Tokugawa smiled, "I spent a lot of time in Wu's libraries. It seems that their strategist, Zhou Yaw or something like that, these Chinese have such odd names, has quite a grudge against this Zhuge Liang."

"Can we use that some how?" Katō asked.

"Maybe, in time," Tokugawa said.

"There is no maybe, either do or do not," Hideyoshi said, as though he had been waiting to use that line.

"Anyway, in addition to sending men into the city, I have also arranged for this Zhuge's…disposal. If all goes as planned, then the death of Zhuge Liang will be suspicious."

"Well it seems you've thought of everything," Masamune said, "So why are we here?"

"Why, to fight the battle, of course," Tokugawa replied as though the answer should be obvious.

"So what should we do, oh mighty strategist?," Yukinaga demanded, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Even you should know the answer to that, Yukinaga Konishi."

"We flush them out," Masamune Date said, "With a force big enough to spring the trap."

"Perfect, but who to send into it?" Nagamasa asked.

They all looked at each other before turning to the door and shouting, "Shimazu! Come back inside please!"

In the end it was decided that the forces of Shimazu Yoshihiro, Date Masamune, and Honda Tadaktsu would lead their armies into the center of the trap in order to spring it. Then the armies in the center would simply have to survive long enough to for the rest of the samurai armies, lead by Nagamasa, Tokugawa, and Yukinaga (who were relieved to have their lord back in one piece) to come down on the ambushers, trapping the would be trappers.

Katō was already setting up his artillery on a convenient rise which was overlooking the battlefield, though he doubted his remarkable cannonade skills would be used once the enemies closed. But it never hurt to have it set up…

* * *

Zhuge Liang removed his eye from the telescope lens. He had brought his own amazingly powerful stargazing device, convinced that Sima Yi would guard his own jealously and not let him use it.

"The stars . . .," he said to himself. "The stars tell me that I may live a long and healthy life, that is might just rain on Thursday, and that in tomorrow's battle will shall triumph, but only if heaven wills it."

After a moment's quiet contemplation, he sighed in frustration, ready to give up. It was the middle of the day, after all.

Something held him there though, and he felt a tingle go down his spine. The urge to look once more overtook him, and he stooped down again, putting his eye to the telescope. He was sure that he could get a less vague answer if he looked just that little harder.

He squinted at the starless sky. He could see something . . . words? He squinted harder, and they became clear:

LOOK BEHIND YOU.

Liang began to turn, hand on his war fan.

The man had no name, he existed only for the kill. A single kill, and then he was destined to die. Reflecting for a moment, he decided that he should probably have studied harder at the academy, then he could have been a doctor or something that did not require him dying.

Ah well.

His target was peering through a telescope, and the assassin decided that it was going to be too easy to kill this man...no matter what the soldiers said about him being a sorcerer.

Suddenly, the man whirled about, bringing up...a war fan. The assassin froze, unsure what to make of the man's sudden movement. Maybe he had confused this Zhuge Liang with the housekeeper.

"Are you...Zhuge Liang?" the man said hoarsely.

"Yes, it is I, Zhuge Liang. Who might you be?"

The strategist looked the ninja up and down, noting the ridiculous amount of cords, shuriken, knives, swords and other weapons about his person. "Oh . . . you must be here to kill me. I'm afraid I cannot allow that." He raised his fan.

"And what are you going to do with that? Tickle me to death!?" The ninja cried laughing.

Pulling one of his shuriken from a sheath, he threw it at the man's throat as he said, "Zhou Yu sends his regards."

Zhuge Liang's fan flicked the projectile aside, and three severed white feathers drifted to the ground. "Zhou Yu? Zhou Yu sent you? I do not believe he would- oh wait, yes I do."

The white wizard's normal composure faltered as he brought his hand up, palm facing the ninja. "So, the Japanese are tied to Zhou Yu? That is most unfortunate indeed.

"Shock!" A blast of blue lightning shot from Liang's palm, tearing towards his would-be murderer.

The ninja was completely taken off guard.

"Magic?" he shouted as he threw up his hand, "I have just the thing for that!" Suddenly a circle of bright red flames surrounded him and absorbed Zhuge Liang's spell.

The strategist looked in surprise as his spell was absorbed, "What was that!?" he demanded.

"Circle of Protection Red!" The Ninja laughed, "And they all laughed at me when I told them I play Magic the Gathering!"

Zhuge Liang drew himself to his full height, fuming. "You are meddling with powers you do not understand! The arts of Magic: The Gathering are not to be toyed with!" The wizard brushed an invisible speck from his robes. "Excellent move, however."

Liang was at a loss as to how the ninja had gotten so close to the main force without being spotted, or as to how Zhou Yu had turned a Japanese warrior to his side, but those things didn't matter. What mattered was that he had finally found person who knew how to play the game. He had to beat him.

He mentally tapped two mana. "Disenchant!"

The circle of protection disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Not so smart now, are we Betrayer of Kamigawa?," Zhuge Liang sniffed. He raised his fan to the sky. "Solar Blast!"

At his command, a pillar of concentrated sunlight knifed down from the heavens and began to chase the ninja around like an ant under a magnifying glass.

The ninja finally was caught by the long beam of light, and his robes began to burst into flames. Rolling around on the ground, the ninja quickly put them out.

"So you use all red, do you?" the ninja snarled, "That won't allow you to beat me!"

Thinking quickly, the ninja summoned a monster. A headless zombie, actually, and it began to lumber toward Zhuge Liang with its arms out raised dangerously.

Liang raised an eyebrow at the undead creature. If it had had a head, he could have mistaken it for Lu Meng.

"Is that it?," he mocked, searching through his tome until he found what he was after. "As much as I like burn spells, this moment calls for . . ."

There was a puff of smoke beside the mystic, and when it cleared it revealed something odd. Another Zhuge Liang.

"_Kongming_, 'Sleeping Dragon'!" The mystic shouted, announcing the spell's name.

The original Liang clapped his hands twice, and a vibrating, many toothed blade appeared in his clone's hands. "Equipped with Chainsaw of Light and Shadow!"

The chainsaw-wielding Zhuge Liang hacked the headless Zombie to peices in seconds. Before it went down however, it likewise defeated _Kongming_, "Sleeping Dragon." Soon only the real Liang and the ninja remained again.

"Ha! all out of tricks now are you?" The ninja laughed. Suddenly five, then ten, then twenty small goblins appeared on the hill top where they stood.

"Now you die! At Zhou Yu's orders! Ha Ha Ha!" the ninja laughed as the small army of angry goblins descended on the lone man.

"Like you had the mana for all of those," Zhuge Liang muttered, raising his hands again.

"Jok-ulu-kaul-k-," he attempted to say. "Joc . . . kal . . . o-oop. Jokal . . .

"It's Jokulhaups, you idiot! The huge destructive . . . wave."

"Jokulhaups," Liang shouted. "I knew that. Zhou Yu needs to learn that he cannot best me with goblins."

From nowhere rose a towering wall of roaring water, casting a great shadow over the ninja. With a motion of his hand Liang sent it crashing down upon him, thankfully in a direction away from the Chinese camp.

A dolphin swam by the mystic as the screaming ninja and his goblins were tossed about by the current.

The ninja writhed on the ground, completely swept away until he heard a woman's voice.

"What are you guys doing? Not playing that nerdy Magic game again are you?"

Zhuge Liang looked up like a deer in the headlights. "Yue Ying? No, of course not! I was- " He looked down at the cards spread between himself and the ninja. "We were just- M-magic is _not _nerdy!"

The ninja got up from where he had been writhing on the ground, pretending to be swept away from the Jokulhaups.

"You have...offended the honor of my station of a level three judge!" he shouted and attacked Yue Ying with a thrown ninja star, burying itself in to her throat, "I have found...vengeance!" he cried happily, "No one will ever mock me again!"

Zhuge Liang's eyes widened in horror as Ying collapse, gurgling unpleasantly. He ran forward to her side and knelt in a fast-forming wet pool. "No! Magic _is _nerdy! I'm sorry, don't die!"

He paused, "Oh, you got killed by a star. That is ironic." Then he went to weeping for several long moments, before rising and turning to the ninja. His eyes were pits of fire.

"You . . . BASTARD! "

Liang opened his mouth an a long jet of green fire rushed out, immolating his wife's murderer.

The ninja looked up in surprise, "Real magic?" he shouted as his flesh began to melt off his bones, "How...?"

Zhuge Liang ignored the man, kneeling beside his wife again. "Zhou Yu . . . I swear you will die a thousand deaths for this!"

* * *

Zhou Yu leaned back against the wall and sighed. He had been practically excluded from strategic discussions, preferring to have the opinions of Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi instead. Even Sun Jian seemed impressed by their strategies.

He beat a fist on the wall behind him. Instead he found himself-

"Are u alrite, Zhou Yuie?"

-babysitting.

"Yes, Xiao Qiao, I am fine. Go and play with Da Qiao like a good girl. Your husband needs to think."

"Hav u seen Sun Cesie?," Da Qiao asked, toddling up to Zhou Yu as well.

_Oh gods . . . release me from this fate! I should be at the front, planning and-_

Suddenly a throwing star buried itself in the wood next to Zhou Yu's head. A second ninja, similar to the one that had just dueled Zhuge Liang dropped down out of the raptors, sword raised.

"Zhuge Liang sends his best wishes," the murderer hissed and lunged at Zhou Yu, sword out stretched for the man's throat.

"Zhou Yuie!," the Qiaos yelled, dashing forward and latching onto the assassin's legs. He was sent toppling forward, and Zhou Yu stepped back and snatched up his sword from where it lay on the floor.

"Zhuge Liang? What under heaven . . . children, get clear! This man is an assassin!"

The sisters scampered back, and Zhou Yu came forward."Liang? That . . . man sent you?"

The man smiled, but of course Zhou Yu could not see that, because his mouth was covered by that face mask ninjas always wear.

So instead he was forced to say, "Yessss," and quickly lit the fuse on a gourd filled with gunpowder.

"Now diieee!"

Zhou Yu wore a curious expression. "Now where have I seen one of those before? Oh yes, Huang Gai uses- "

The handbomb sailed for where the Wu strategist stood with great accuracy. He dived to the side just before it exploded, taking a section of the wall with it.

"EEEEEEK!," Da Qiao squealed as the force of the blast sent her flying through an open window.

"Sis!" Xiao Qiao scampered to the window to see Da clearing Xu Chang's main wall.

Zhou Yu faced the demolition ninja. He raised his sword, but the weapon now ended in a jagged stump shortly above its hilt. Yu grimaced; it had been his favorite blade. "Explosives, eh? You truly were sent by that smug bastard Liang. He must think I pose a threat, that is why . . . yes, I should have expected this! Xiao Qiao, alert the guard!"

Tossing his broken sword aside Yu darted in, turning and sweeping a fast kick at the ninja's head.

The ninja easily ducked the kick, and then spun and put a roundhouse kick to Zhou Yu's head.

"Yesss, let your rage consume you!" the ninja hissed, "You might have a chance of beating me then, pretty boy."

Following through on his kick, the ninja lashed out with jab and a cross, landing squarely on Zhou Yu's face.

Zhou Yu likewise ducked the kick and blocked the jab with his forearm, but reeled as the cross connected with his jaw. He wouldn't lose his senses so easily though, and sent a straight punch right back at his opponent, followed by stiffened fingers aimed for the ninja's throat.

"Go Yuie, GO!" Xiao screamed. "Kill the baddie!"

Zhou Yu weaved about the ninja. "Xiao Qiao? I told you to leave- "

As Zhou Yu was distracted by the girl, the ninja lashed out with his leg sweeping both of Zhou Yu's legs out from underneath him. As he landed square on his back, the ninja produced a sword and quickly lunged downward in an attempt to strike at Zhou Yu's heart.

"Zhuge Liang will see you in Hell! And still be smarter then you!" the ninja snarled as he went in for the death blow.

Zhou Yu gritted his teeth, more from the taunt than his knowledge of impending doom.

He reached out to his side, trying to find something to put between himself and the sword. He came out with one Xiao Qiao, shoving her forward instinctively.

The sword stuck through her back, halting before Yu's eye. The strategist sighed . . . then gasped. "XIAO QIAO!!!"

The ninja grunted in surprise, but recovered quickly. Flinging the child off of his sword, she flew through the same window her sister had departed a few moments before.

"Aieee!" the girl shouted as she fell from the castle keep.

"Now you really die!" the ninja shouted as he brought his sword down on Zhou Yu again.

Zhou Yu reached to the side again, grabbing a thick cushion. He shoved it up to take the sword hit.

"Why didn't you just do that before?," the ninja asked.

"YOU KILLED MY WIFE! AND ZHUGE LIANG CALLED ME STUPID!" Zhou Yu thrust aside the cushion, drew a dagger and plunged it into the assassin's heart.

The ninja looked surprised, "You would think we would succeed...one of these times..." he gasped as he slumped to the ground.

With a look of cold fury on his face, Yu tossed the ninja out the window and ran out of the room, snatching up the assassin's fallen, bloodied blade.

* * *

The air around Zhuge Liang crackled with power. His eyes flared like those of Ba'alzamon himself as he strode through the halls of the castle. Where was Zhou Yu? He wouldn't be in the battle ranks outside the castle, as he was last seen sulking in the keep.

Liang's rage increased. he himself should be on the field, readying his weaponry. He didn't care though. Zhou Yu needed to die.

Zhou Yu was on the front lines, looking for that smug bastard who had tried to kill him...and succeeded in killing his wife.

Zhuge Liang should have been on the front lines, readying his weaponry but every time he asked one of the Siege commanders where their commander was, they just shrugged their shoulders.

Finally, he went to his knees, bloody sword still in his hand and cried at the top of his lungs, "ZHUGE LIANG! COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME!"

Zhuge Liang walked through a stone wall, sending chucks of brick crashing down about him. Behind him was a similar trail of destruction.

_That . . . bastard . . . will die . . ._

But this room was empty too. Zhou Yu was nowhere to be found within the keep.

Then he heard it, faintly:

_"ZHUGE LIANG! COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME!"_

It sounded like it had come from . . . the front lines. Liang's eyes burned brighter, and in a puff of smoke he vanished.

. . . and appeared right before his prey, outside on the battle field. His white robes marred by Yue Ying's blood, Liang raised his fan and pointed it at Yu.

"Traitor, murderer, coward! Prepare to be blasted to HELL!"

The shockwave of those words set the amour of the thousands of soldiers rattling. They watched the scene in confusion, not knowing what was unfolding before them.

Zhou Yu threw up his hand, and a small force field surrounded the Wu strategist, which deflected the shock blast into the walls that were surrounding them, forcing a good portion of the interior wall to crumble.

"I'm the coward?" Zhou Yu shouted, "You send assassins to kill me! That will be the LAST mistake you EVER make!"

Zhou Yu put both of his hands together and sent a large fireball at Zhuge Liang.

Besides the fact that Zhuge Liang didn't make mistakes, the remark caught him momentarily off-guard. His opponent had clearly intended to do so, and it was an obvious ploy.

He quickly raised a shield similar to Yu's, and it flashed green as the fireball dissipated against its surface. Shouts went up though the assembled Chinese armies.

"My wife lies dead by a Japanese blade, guided by you! WHY?" A jet of water burst from Liang's fan, rising to ten times its usual height. He leveled it like a fireman's hose, and the high-pressure water raced towards Zhou Yu. As it traveled, the liquid turned to huge, jagged pieces of ice.

Zhou Yu leaned backward, so that his body was parallel to the ground, he began to wave his arms wildly for balance. The world slowed down, and the ice flew inches over Zhou Yu's torso.

Finally, he fell to the ground before getting back up. The ninja's sword that he held was still covered in the blood of Xiao Qiao. It felt small in his hands, compared to the sword he usually carried.

"Look at the blade that moments ago was aimed at my heart by you!" Zhou Yu said as he got back to his feet, "See it and DIE!" with one fluid motion, Zhou Yu flung the blade like an oversized knife at Zhuge Liang. It buried itself into a soldier standing a good three feet to the side of Zhuge Liang, and about two feet in front of him.

"...or you can just look at it," Zhou Yu said grimacing in embarrassment.

"My beautiful shoulder," the soldier lamented, looking down.

Zhuge Liang looked dejectedly at the ninja sword. 'That . . . is pathetic." With his mind he yanked the blade from the soldier's person and elongated it by a metre. It hovered between the two strategists.

"Enough of this nonsense. How dare you seek to patronize me with this talk of your wife?" The sword went hurtling back towards Zhou Yu.

Meanwhile, on top of the ridge over looking the city of Xu Chang, Hideyoshi, Katō, and Tokugawa frowned as they peered through looking glasses at the battle that raged within the gates of the city.

"What could that possibly mean?" Katō asked.

Flashes of light and the sounds of two men fighting could be seen from the distance, though nothing else could be made out.

"I'd say that two of the generals are fighting," Tokugawa stated, _Is this a trick?_

"The enemy, distracted it is," Hideyoshi said, putting on a helmet that made him look like a bronze peacock, "Attack now, we must."

"_Hai_!" the other generals agreed.

Zhou Yu used everything he had ever seen in any bad kung-fu movie to bring his arms up and grab the advancing blade with both of his hands clapped together.

The sword struggled in his grasp, and was slick with blood, but he managed to grab it by the hilt.

"Now that's a sword!" Zhou Yu said, and began running at Zhuge Liang enraged, "Now your trickery will meet cold hard steel!"

As Yu approached, the White Wizard pressed his hands together horizontally and nodded sharply. The sword shrank again, and kept shrinking until it was invisible.

"Fight like a man!" Zhou Yu snarled in exasperation, "I would have expected such cowardly acts from the assassin you sent, he blew half the castle up! But not from you, not when I had you face to face!"

"Your face is the last I would want to see, and I promise that mine will be the last that you ever do!" Liang prepared another over-the-top spell, but before he could cast it, a boy of about eight years old pushed through the ranks and ran between Liang and Zhou Yu. He wore red clothes, including a large red hat.

"The ninjas! The ninjas tried to kill me!," Lu Xun yelled, out of breath.

Both of the raging strategists looked down at the kid and then back up at each other.

"You tried to kill Lu Xun too! You really have no decency!" they both said at the same time. When they heard what the other had said they both replied at the same time with, "I killed him? No it must have been you!"

"Uh...excuse me," Lu Xun said still breathing heavily, "I'm pretty sure it was not..."

"SHUT UP!" both shouted, and Zhuge Liang launched a freezing bolt of ice at the same time that Zhou Yu threw a ball of fire at the young-up-in-coming strategist. The result was Lu Xun freezing, and then melting into a ball of slush.

Zhuge Liang's eyes grew wide as he looked down at the puddle that had been Lu Xun. The small strategist's favorite red hat sat in the centre. _I'm too young to die,_ the hat thought miserably.

"Now you have killed Lu Xun as well! Does your spite and jealousy know no bounds?"

The fact that a member of Shu had just attacked a Wu officer wasn't lost on the masses of soldiers watching the magical duel. Most of these were Wei troops though, so they were hesistant to act.

Zhuge Liang was even more enraged now, but before he could do anything else, something stuck him- mentally.

"No . . . something is wrong." His eyes flicked to the puddle again. "Very wrong . . . Do you sense it, also?"

Zhou Yu was not in the interest of sensing what was wrong. He was no mystic after all, he was, however a warrior and in the interest of killing things.

"What are you talking about?!" Zhou Yu growled, "Just because apparently each of us were attacked by Japanese assassins...oh!" Zhou Yu said suddenly with suddenly realization.

"Yes. Try as I might, I cannot think what you would gain from having Lu Xun killed, unless you were jealous of the child as well," Liang said reluctantly, speaking as he put things together. "If he were attacked, as you claim to have been . . . blast, I have been a fool! This has all been an enemy tactic, designed to turn us against each other!"

"I was just about to say that!" Zhou Yu's frustration and anger at the events seemed to barely fit on his face. He began to pace furiously, stepping over the remains of Lu Xun. "We have been duped! How is this possible? Hrrah, those filthy Japanese!"

"This could have been most disastorous," Zhuge Liang agreed, relieved that he had not just made a terrible mistake, but also peeved at not being able to finish the insolent Wu strategist once and for all. "If I had killed you . . ."

"You would not have! And I do not hear you apologising for wrongly trying to slay me."

"Nor do I hear you apologising, to me or to your young strategist."

Zhou Yu glanced down, suddenly aware that he was standing in Lu Xun. He stepped out disgustedly. "Sorry, Master Xun . . . but if you play with fire you will eventually melt."

"We shall call it even, on this front." In another rare display of fury, Liang clenched his fists. "The cowardly invaders have pushed this too far! Our wives, murdered in cold blood? I swear that before this war is done, **they shall all die a thousand deaths!**"

Yu did a few quick calculations. "That's . . . over 2 000 000 000 deaths. But yes! Xiao Qiao, **I shall avenge you if it is the last thing I ever do!**"

"The battle is nigh. We must be ready to do what needs to be done." The White Wizard looked out over the thousands upon thousands of soldiers who had just witnessed all that had taken place. "You and I, together in this."

The strategist of Wu turned to Zhuge Liang, who was offering his hand. Without hesitation Zhou Yu clasped it, and a silent pact was made between the two great minds.

"For Yue Ying."

"For Xiao Qiao."

"Ain't no-one muders Wu wimin and gets s'way wiv it!," a random Wu soldier hollered from the ranks. A huge cheer rose up.

"Yea!," shouted another, glancing at Lu Xun. "Only Wu children!"

More wild cheering followed.

* * *

The main Chinese force was drawn up before the gates of Xu Chang, were the masses of Wu refugees had been camped only two days before. It was just over 100 000 strong, with the entirety of the Wei and battle-fit Wu warriors, and a number of Shu warriors, present on the field. Many units of pikemen were at the front, with ranks of swordsmen stretching for some distance behind them. Batteries of archers were interspersed with these, most towards the rear of the force, and flanking the infantry were two huge wings of cavalry. 20 000 horsemen on either side, Wei on the left, Wu on the right.

At the rear, centre and front of the gigantic forces were all manner of metal and wooden contraptions created by Shu's strategists, who were prestent to oversee their use in the battle.

At the head of the force, a good twenty paces out, was a lone horseman. He sat tall atop his huge red steed, his Sky Piercer halberd tipped almost to the ground. The purple and gold of his headdress fluttered in the breeze, framing his scowling face.

"Red Hare . . . was it terrible, what they did to you while I was away?"

The horse neighed.

"That Cao Cao said you were being used to pull Xu Zhu's breakfast wagon. Is that true?"

Red Hare tossed his head.

"How can I have a conversation with you when you won't even look me in the eye anymore?"

Red Hare was silent.

"Whore," Lu Bu mumbled. "They broke you, and they think they broke me. Fools. I'm as unbreakable as international laws. They'll see."

A horse and rider the size of a peanut were suddenly charging acorss Lu Bu's vision, and the mighty warlord wondered in disbelief if all the Japanese were so small. After the tiny horseman began to grow larger, Bu soon realised that he had been looking at something in the distance. The rider was a Wei scout, and he rode right past Lu Bu, drawing his steed up before the main force.

"The Japanese are advancing! WE ARE ALL GOING TO . . . well, you know."

Somewhere at the front of the force, Cao Cao drew his sword and thrust it into the sky. To either side of him, Sun Jian and Liu Bei did the same.

"For honour!," Bei shouted

"For Jian Ye!," Jian answered.

"I like rice!," Cao Cao roared. "Now let's kick some arse!"

Ahead of them, Lu Bu kicked his steed into a gallop, and behind him the rest of the army began to move with a rumbling of hooves and heels. Behind the hills to the east, the large ambush forces of Shu waited for the signal.

The most crucial battle in the war so far loomed before them. There were no more defensible cities to flee to, no more bigger armies or higher walls to hide behind. Everyone could sense that the battle would either be the turning point in the war, or the end of the Three Kingdoms.


	16. The Battle for Xu Chang

Chapter 16: The Battle for Xu Chang

Masamune turned his head the full length of the field, trying to count how many people were around him. Only having on eye, he was forced to look at the whole field. That was when he realized just how much trouble he was in.

"Why did I volunteer us for this?" he wondered out loud.

"I think I have an answer to that my lord," one of Date's random bodyguards said, "You are the One-eyed dragon, Honda will probably not die, and Shimazu is an idiot. Clearly they wish to send in the people who make Lord Hideyoshi most uncomfortable to die."

Masamune frowned. That did make sense...

"Lord Masamune! Lords Honda and Shimazu are charging toward the enemy postitions!" his look out reported. Oh well, no time to think about it now!

"Follow them!" Masamune ordered, "Bring back many ears for Lord Hideyoshi!"

* * *

Lu Bu rode Red Hare at the forefront of the massive Chinese force, bolting across the battlefield with the city of Xu Chang some way in the distance behind him. He was either leading the charge because his comrades were scared turdless of him, or becuase he was thought to be all that was necessary to defeat the invaders. 

"Vermin! Dogs! Insects!" He let out a roar and set his cresent spear beneath his shoulder. "These are a few of my favourite things! Hyaaaaaar!"

Back with the advancing main force, a concerned Liu Bei tugged on the robe of a still-bereaved Zhuge Liang.

"Master Zhuge, does Lord Lu Bu know about the- "

There was a loud explosion at the point where the feared warrior had last been seen.

"- land mines..."

Honda lead the Army of the Kampaku at a full gallop, his Tonbo-Giri held at an angle behind him, ready to slash through the unlucky soul who happened to walk across his path. Ahead of him Honda noticed an equally large man riding a striking red horse brandishing a halberd in a similar fashion.

"So this will be the first fool to die..." Honda grunted. He did enjoy being the point of the sword that would pierce through the heart of the resistance here...

Suddenly with a loud crack, something jumped up out of the ground into his face. He stared at it for a second as his eyes widened as it exploded in his face, sending him flying backward off of Mikuniguro's saddle. He landed on the ground heavily, with the rest of the army galloping and running past him.

More explosions rocked the earth around him, making it difficult for him to stand. Angry that he had been made to look a fool, he stood up and checked himself over to see if he was still in one piece. He stopped at his helmet when he realized that half of his right antler had been broken off.

Really angry now, he grabbed his spear and ran forward with the rest of the army, ignoring the explosions and sounds of horses and men dying all around him. Blast the Chinese and their rotten trick! Deer were so hard to find in Japan...

His face covered in soot, Lu Bu tried to stand. He'd just seen a man whose father had had sexual relations with a deer... or one who had simply been wearing antlers. Either way he had a look about him that suggested he would be something of a challenge for the Chinese warrior to crap all over with his unmatch'd skills.

The he'd exploded, which was always annoying.

"Mines? Outraged statement!" Lu Bu shook his head and hefted his spear. Without warning a bloody hindquarter of Red Hare landed on him from great height.

"Ughf, wha . . . OH MY GODS, they KILLED YOU!"

A short distance away a horse neighed. Lu turned to see Red Hare standing on three legs, staring at him.

". . . Oh." He turned to face the antlered one. "Bring it on!"

* * *

Shimazu looked around in confusion, there were bright lights and loud sounds all around him. It was like it was New Years come early, but Shimazu was sure that it was not that time of the year. 

Bits of the exploding mines bounced off of his armor, and the large man stared at the men dying in a daze. Suddenly, he was thrown off his horse and he landed with a loud thud a few feet away. Looking backwards, he saw that his horse had been snapped in half.

"Horsey no!" Shimazu cried an anguish. It reminded him of the last horse he had owned, as a child. At least, until the horse had stepped on that Norwegian Diplomat's foot. Shimazu was sure the man had a strange foreign name to go with the look he had on his face...Oden...Odan...something like that.

Brushing the past out of his eyes, Shimazu stared in consternation as a Chinese soldier ran at him with a sword. The screamed and plunged the sword into the old man's side...but it quickly bounced off his armor. Frowning in confusion, Shimazu pulled his hammer up and crushed the man underneath it.

"You go bye-bye!" Shimazu grinned as he continued around the field, almost in a daze.

* * *

Masamune groaned. He had figured it wasn't as simple as one of those "Uh-oh! Here come the ambush drones!"

He hated explosions. Ever since that one time when the bottle rocket had...well never mind. That was an old story. Yanking his Saber out of his scabbord, he slashed down onto an oncoming pikeman. Or...he thought he did.

"dammit! I hate not having depth perception!" He snarled. Yanking his pistol out of with the other hand, he fired a shot at the man, and managed to hit him in the chest, "That's better!" He said grinning happily, "I should just use that all the time!"

* * *

"Onward! Charge them!" Sun Jian thrust his sword at the sky and galloped his horse for the Japanese hordes. His men followed close behind, having thoroughly enjoyed the pretty mine display. The small Wu force that was helping in the attack swept across from the army's main flank, eager for their vengance. 

Zhou Tai and Sun Quan rode side by side, hewing random soldiers and patting each other on the back. Quan ventured to slap Zhou's backside, but his horse pulled away in time to prevent it.

"I wish brother Ce were here to see this!." Sun Quan yelled over the sounds of war. "He would not have known what was going on, but he would have appreciated the pretty colours."

* * *

The wilds of China could be an unforgiving place to one not used to them. Between cannibal tribes, dangerous animals and vast expanses of harsh, baoziless terrain, it takes a brave and canny individual to cross half the country alone an provisionless and survive with their wits intact. Such a journey . . . does . . . things to the mind, it is sometimes said.

Sun Ce ripped at the bark with his teeth, bending and chewing it like an animal. He spat out a mouthful of woodchips. "Yech, salt 'n vinegar bark again? Mofo trees 'round here ain't never barbeque flavour."

However, if one is already clinically retarded they really don't have much sanity to gamble with.

Ce discarded the bark, the closest thing he had had to food in half a week. He sorely missed the opulent days of fast food in his father's palace. He remembered fondly making his brother and sister fight for food, sometimes locking them in the training hall and starving them for days, then throwing a rock painted like a dim sim in. Good times.

"I ain't had dis much wood in mah grill since dat time wit Zhou Yu. They should put safety warnins' on dem chopsticks."

His stomach growled violently, suggesting it was overthrowing the dictatorial stomach government in bloody revolution and striving to create a democratic, failed stomach state. So, like, he was hungry. Sun Ce started walking again, wearing out his twenty-third pair of sandals as he did. He was kind of looking forward to when they wore through completely; at least he would have something that wasn't salt and vinegar.

There were so many foreign soldiers about, forcing him to avoid roads, villages, fields where he might find food, and of course the desire to reign almighty ass-kicking down on the 'foos. The last time he had tried that he had been defeated by the fact he was trying to fight half a dozen expert swordsmen with two small sticks. He had barely escaped with his over-inflated sense of self intact, and thanks to all the paths he had been forced along he had no idea where he was. How many rivers had he crossed again . . .?

Suddenly a roaring made its way to his ears. Not "Holy crap, a tiger!" roaring, but rather the roaring of a great many people. And the sound of metal on metal.

Convinced by his failing mind that the world's largest outdoor kitchen awaited him, Ce scurried up a hill towards the sounds. When he got to the top he looked out over a sprawling sea of men hitting each other with stuff. Sunlight reflected off the hundreds of thousands of pieces of armour and weaponry, dazzling the onlooker. The city of Xu Cheng rose in the distance.

" . . . Homie, dat bark is tha _shit!_" Ce shook his head wildly, apparently high on the effects of eating tree. He stepped forward slowly, walking towards the battle in a daze of hunger and delusion.

Perhaps a mile behind the young prince, a dark cloud hovered over the land.

Sitting atop it was a man with a flapping brown beard and golden robes, who waved a red staff in one hand.

"III heeeed you, Heavens! I misread your signs! The rain was merely to make your children _wet_, not to stop them killing in your name!" Zhang Jiao shook his head, beard wiping out crazily. "I shall right this wrong. I shall slay the heathen in the name of Peeeeace!"

The zealot reached to his side and pulled on a long lever. The clack of machinery sounded beneath him, and two thick, horizontal metal cylinders rose from the back of the cloud. Triangular fins shot out from either side of it, and a set of handle bars sprang up before where Jiao was seated. He hanged a leather helmet on his head, slapped down the flight goggles and grasped the bars. Three quick revs followed.

"Nooobody screws with the _HEAVENS!_"

The cloud tore off after the unsuspecting prince.

* * *

Zhuge Liang turned to Zhou Yu. The two men levitated above the battlefield, watching the conflict unfold from beyond rifle range. 

"I commend you on the use of those exploding metal goffers, or whatever they were. Most effective." Zhou Yu looked down between his feet. "Are you sure I would not understand how it is we are flying?"

"Yes. If I don't not understand you will not. I believe it is what is called a 'plot device.' " He sniffed. "Besides, we are _hovering_."

The strategists looked on, Yu following Liang's pointing finger.

"There," the White Wizard said. "Where Lord Sun Jian is leading the charge. It shall be as I predicted."

". . . Yes, Zhuge Liang, I am aware of our battle plans also."

"Just watch, pray."

* * *

Katō Yoshiaki looked down on the battlefield with some surprise. It seemed that someone else had bested him when it came to explosives...but not for long. 

Running up an down the line of cannon, he personally adjusted the firing solution to better fit the changing situation. It seemed that his assistance would be needed after all, as Masamune, Shimazu, and Honda were all in a wold of trouble.

Changing the targets to attack the oncoming reinforcements to the right flank, he stepped back.

Waiting a moment, he threw his arm up into the air, "Fire!" Cannonballs began to explode and land amongst the Wu assault, sending them flying into the air.

As their comrades were blown aside, the men of Wu reached for their sides and drew long, steel objects. They held them aloft like banners, flicking notches along their shafts in order to activate them.

The metal umbrellas snapped open in union, each covering the area of a dining table or so. Cannoballs crashed against them violently, causing huge dents as they impacted and rolled off harmlessly.

Above, Liang smirked.

Katō stared in disbelief, sure that he was seeing things from an advanced case of mono again. The entire group had pulled out umbrellas and used them to deflect the oncoming fire.

He glanced up at where Hideyoshi and Tokugawa sat, who observed at the battlefield with a look of serenity on their faces.

Irritated, he ordered another volley onto the advancing Wu forces. Umbrellas or no umbrellas, he would make sure that this army would feel the rain.

* * *

Honda was pissed. It was bad enough that they had broken off his antler, but now they were sending nothing but weaklings at him. He sung his spear in a full circle, cutting through another ten enemy soldiers.

"Is there nobody here strong enough to fight me!?" The servant of Tokugawa demanded.

"He looks ridiculously pissed off,"Lu Bu growled to himself regarding Honda. "Time for an epic cross-over duel to end all epic cross-over duels!"

He ran at Honda, pulling up short and spinning his spear overhead. He planted its butt in the ground, causing the earth to tremble slightly.

"I, the Great Lu Bu, will challenge you, Deerspawn!"

Honda glanced over his shoulder at the brandishing man with two large feathers sticking out of his head. It seemed he finally found someone worth killing.

"I am not deerspawn. I am Honda Takadasu, servant to Lord Tokugawa Ieyasu. Champion of Japan, and I will be your final opponent...unless you run off when I deal enough damage to that red bar that's hovering above your head prolonging this war."

"I think you will find that my bar is more impressive than yours, and can stay up for a longer time."

The greatest warrior of the Three Kingdoms began to circle his prey, spear levelled. "Lu Bu never runs, Big Game. He escapes, withdraws and departs, but never runs!"

Around the two legends a loose circle was forming, with Japanese and Chinese soldiers jostling for good spots. This was the sort of thing they would tell their grandkids about, and their ancestors would pass it on until . . . well, until some people made a slew of quasi-historical video games about which others would write fanfiction.

A Chinese warrior offered a baozi to an enemy fighter as they waited for the duel to commence. The Japanese eyed it suspiciously before taking a bite and nodding approval. He in turn offered a squid on a skewer to the Chinese, who turned a shade of green and moved away.

Not too far away, an obese man was pounding the ground with his huge round hammer, bouncing up and down with it as if it were a pogostick. Each time he came down, a samurai was smashed into the gound like a nail into wood, only his head visible. Circling around him with a mixture of grace and abandon was Xiahou Dun, slashing and cutting like the whole of Japan had just made a really bad eyeball joke. Against odds, the two made a decent team.

Dun's Kirin Fang scimitar carved a samurai in two from the top of his helmet to his groin. As the two halves fell left and right, the Wei general laid eye on such a man as he had been waiting for years to battle. Standing before him was a warrior with a western looking sabre in one hand and a pistol in the other. This details were irrelevant however. What Dun was excited about was his future opponent's lack of depth perception.

"After all this time . . . a fighter who cannot make fun of my eye! You there, with the dandy sword! Fight me!"

Masamune heard someone say something about only having one eye and his empty socket twitched irritably. Angrily he spun and fired a shot off with his pistol. It flew wide from Dun's head by about three feet.

"Damnit!" He screamed, throwing the pistol in anger. It pegged a Japanese soldier in the back of the head, sending him down screaming, "I'll kill you! Yes you with the comically over sized sword!"

Starting forward, he was stopped as he heard another land mine go off a few hundred yards away. A shadow eclipsed the sun, and Masamune looked up just in time to see Shimazu come flying out of the sky to land on him.

"Shimazu go boom!" the large leader cried loudly, his usually white hair and mustaches blackened by gunpowder and soot.

"Get off me!" the One-Eyed Dragon shouted loudly.

Xu Zhu lowered his round hammer, shading his eyes against the sun to look up at the plummeting old samurai. The Chinese warrior opened his mouth wide as if hoping to catch the human missle.

... unfortunately it was a lack of wits rather than depth perception that caused Zhu's miscalculation. His intended lunch crashed into another enemy officer a short distance away.

"_Mine_ your step," Dun roared gleefully. "Xu Zhu, take the old man! I'll handle the gentleman with that debonaire eye accessory, once you lift that sack of whale blubber clear from him."

Zhu blinked slowly, nodded, turned in a full circle and did comical fat man things before ambling over to the prone Masamune and his colleage.

"Uhrrrr, hiya." Thick, doughy fingers prodded the large old man. "Urrr . . . I wanna have your lambs."

Shimazu rolled over, his face more confused then usual.

"Have my lambs? You can't, they're not here," Shimazu eyed the man for a moment, "Nu-huh! You can't have my lambs! You'd just eat em' fatty!" Shimazu stuck his lounge out.

"Get off me you senile old goat!" Masamune shouted from underneath him.

Xu Zhu wobbled his chins, having already forgotten his offhand mention of livestock. "I'm not fat, you're fat! Huhuhuhuh!"

He paused from his chuckling before regarding the old man. ". . . You're a goat? Xu Zhu like goats . . ." His arms wrapped around the hammerai and the Wei officer dug his heels in.

"Screw this!," Dun shouted, grabbing the old warrior's arm to help llift him. Xu Zhu took in his words literally and nodded slowly. He heaved the 'goat' off of the other one-eyed warrior and the two large men went crashing back.

Shimazu landed on top of the Wei officer, something hard digging into him which he assumed was Zhu's dagger butt. The man carried no such weapon, however.

"We're not so different, you and eye," Xiahou Dun called to his opponent.

"I hope for your sake that you spelled that with the letter 'I,'" Masamune said.

He watched the man carefully, saber held at the ready with one hand. Without warning he struck, which Dun easily sidestepped.

"How did you lose that eye anyway?" Masamune asked.

"Lose? I did not simply get careless one day and have it roll out of my head." Dun's fingers brushed his patch. "It was a devil with a bow who did this. Yes, and an arrow. And he made me eat it off the shaft."

Xu Zhu looked up. "Hey, he didn't make- "

"Shut up!" Dun then turned and sneered at his opponent, "And you? Did you lose yours in the privy?"

"No. I lost it to smallpox," Masamune said.

"Eh? What's that now? You keep it in a small box?" Shimazu asked loudly. He looked at Xu Zhu who he was still grappling with, "What are you doing you young whippersnapper?" Shimazu wasn't sure...he did not think Xu Zhu was fighting...but he sort of liked it...

"Shut up!" Masamune shouted.

"A real man would have been hit by an arrow," Xiahou Dun snorted. "How do you lose an eye to smallpox?

"Erm, well now as to that...Let's just say that fireworks aren't an effective cure," Masamune said, "But enough of that!" he produced another pistol and fired it in one fluid motion, "Now you'll be missing something else!"

Dun didn't flinch as the bullet sped past his face. "Correct. I am missing the point of a one-eyed man using ranged weapons." He spun his sword and charged. "You need something you can't miss with!"

Kirin Fang swept in angling for Date's good eye.

Masamune flowed around the blade, and ran his sword down a part of his arm.

"Ha ha!" he shouted, grinning like a cat, "I'm no Honda Takadasu, but I'm good enough to beat this cyclops!"

Dun cried out as the sword grazed him, but he quickly moved aside and attacked again, shouting "Here's sword in your eye!"

The clumsy stroke fell short and caused the scimitar-weilder to stagger, ending up in a good postion to . . .

The Chinese's hand snaked out, pulling Masamune's eyepatch over his good eye and leaving an empty socket exposed. It seemed to him the equivilant of finding an empty bag of chips.

"Huhuhuhuh, you're soft!" Xu Zhu giggled at Shimazu. A look of surprise crossed his face. "Hey, that part is hard!"

"Eh? I'm not soft! I'm old and tough." Shimazu said confused.

"What were you expecting? A magic eight ball?" Masamune asked, kicking Dun backwards.

Dun recoiled and landed on his rear sputtering, "I don't know, a small baozi? _Something _edible!"

* * *

Lu Bu's crescent spear clattered against Honda's Tonbo-Giri repeatedly, unable to slip around the samurai's guard.

"Your might impresses me, warrior," Bu growled. "Were I drunk and your features more feminine, we could have been more than just . . . oh well- YAAARGH!"

Beyond the duelling legends, Mikuniguro stood unaware as Red Hare approached cautiously. The crimson horse clutched its own bloody hindquarter in its hooves, hopping forward. It let out a wild neigh, and the limb thundered into the head of Honda's steed.

Honda looked over just as Mikuniguro fell like a rag doll.

"You're horse hit mine with a severed leg," He said in a disbelieving monotone.

Without pause or witty reply Lu Bu scooped up the severed leg of a Wei soldier and sent it flying end over end for his new rival. The roundhouse kick proved ineffective, as hurled limbs usually are.

* * *

Xu Zhu swung his round hammer to rest on his shoulder and let out a child-like giggle. "I'm sorry we has to fight, Mr Shimazu, but Lord Cao Cao said you guys are 'squid-sucking demon spawn who need to be put in their place, under my heel- like carpet, or peasants, or a carpet of peasants!' So I'm gunna fight you, but we can still be friends I hope."

The fat man hopped aboard his large round hammer and began pogoing his way towards the old samurai, the ground shaking beneath them as he bounced.

Shimazu glared at the younger version of himself, before leaping up on his own cylindrically shaped hammer and began bouncing up and down on the ground in in rhythm to Xu Zhu.

The ground began to shake violently, but the two large and dim witted opponents did not notice. Rather, they began to leap higher into the air and coming down that much harder.

Everybody else, however, did notice just how badly the earth was beginning to shake.

"Shimazu you old fool! Cut that out!" Masamune cried as he was thrown from his feet onto the ground.

Dun saw an opportunity to finish his opponent off, but was shocked when a severed body part hit him on the back of the head from being thrown around by the violent tremor. Feeling the back of his head to make sure he was not bleeding, he shouted, "Stop that you fat oaf!"

Neither of the two paid the the cries of their comrades any attention. In fact, across the battlefield the only two fighters who were able to keep their footing was the dueling pair of Honda Takadasu and Lu Bu.

"You are tougher then most Chinese I've killed," Honda said bluntly.

Lu Bu just grunted, and continued trying to kill Honda.

* * *

"What is that!?" Hideyoshi asked as he grabbed at a table to steady himself. 

"I do not know my lord!" Yukinaga asked, who was nearby.

"Tell Katō to stop firing so much!" Hideyoshi ordered.

"Sir! Katō 's stopped firing! Some of the cannon have tipped over!" Yukinaga said as he managed to pull himself up to his feet.

"What's that!?" Tokugawa shouted, for once sounding uncertain. His finger pointed to the center of the battlefield, where the ground was quickly beginning to break away in between of where Shimazu and Xu Zhu were doing their strange duel.

* * *

"Holy mother of a random Chinese god," Zhou Yu whispered, pointing. "What is going on down there?" 

Zhuge Liang shaded his eyes against the sun. "Well it does not look like a tea party. I see no cups."

The Wu strategist ignored the continued mockery of his colleague, instead opting to state the obvious. "The earth is shaking!"

"Something," Liang began, "isn't right here." He cast his eyes to where the commotion seemed to begin from. "I sense a great disturbance in the force. Those two men . . . must be stopped!"

* * *

Amid Wei's reserve force, Cao Pi shook his head as the trembles ran under his horse's hoofs. ". . . It's that wretched Xu Zhu, isn't it?"

"Why must you always blame that man for everything, my lord?," Zhen Ji questioned disinterestedly.

"Because he's fat and stupid. Neither quality can I stand, and present in the one person . . . just someone, go stop the fool."

* * *

In the center of the battlefield, a very large sinkhole was beginning to form in between the two morons. 

At first the ground began to spiral downwards slowly, and then it kept getting sucked into the earth faster and faster, taking men, animals, severed limbs, and discarded weapons with them. Land mines that had not gone off already detonated, sending shrapnel flying in all directions.

After several minutes of earth movement and frantic screaming and attempts to get away, the ground stopped.

Shimazu and Xu Zhu were sitting down leaning against their enormous weapons.

"Dat was fun," Shimazu said grinning like the old fool he was.

"I wanna ride again!" Xu Zhu giggled. Both collapsed in a pile of their own fat.

"Shimazu Yoshihiro has been defeated!" A Wei soldier cried in happiness.

"Xu Zhu has been defeated!" An equally happy Samurai warrior shouted.

Masamune got back up to his feet, grabbing a rifle out of the dirt. He pointed it at the fallen body of Xiahou Dun, "Now...where were we?"

Before Dun could make a slick remark, a black blade that was surrounded by purple fire shot up through the center of the sink hole. Followed by an arm, and then a head, and then a torso, a man dressed in solid black armor clamored out of the hole.

Dun looked as shocked as Masamune, if not more so.

"Lord Cao Cao?" Dun asked uncertainly.

"No...that's impossible," Masamune groaned, "You're dead!"

The man looked up and laughed, "I WAS dead! But even the grave could not hold Oda Nobunaga!"

* * *

Sun Jian's small force swerved away from the deepening pit, avoiding casualties. The Wei frontline, however, were sucked down into the testament to the two fat men's stupidity. 

Dun stared wide-eyed at the black-clad man before him . . . or was he a demon? Or a man demon? Or . . . he shook his head and shrugged. "Oh. I thought you were Lord Cao Cao. Carry on."

While Dun's interest had seemingly faltered, the Chinese and Japanese were backing away from the dark warrior's spectre faster than they had the sinkhole. Though many did not know who he was, when a dude claws his way out from the bowels of hell you generally don't want to screw with him.

The soldiers' reaction gave Dun pause, and he regarded Nobunaga again. "Are you sure you are not Cao Cao?"

Nobunaga gave a sneer, "You mean my second cousin thrice removed? No. I am not him."

He brandished his sword, purple fire splattering the earth around him, "Where is that wimp anyway?"

"EEP!," Xiahou Dun squeaked unconsciously as purple sparks sizzeled in front of him. He attempted to regain his composure and dignity, thinking as he did, _Second cousin thrice removed . . . yes, that makes perfect sense. I thought for a moment he was gonig to say they were- wait, did he say wimp? _

"Wimp? WIMP? Lord Cao Cao may be senile, but he- " Dun faltered. Then hefted his scimitar. "You can take my eye, my arms, even my sexual organs if that's your thing, but I will not let you near my lord!"

Riding his steed hard, Zhang Liao burst through the wall of Wei and Wu warriors to halt beside Dun, pole blade in hand. "Where is that monkey-miming little ear thief? He has something that belongs to- oh, hello Lord Cao Cao. I thought you were back at the other end of- "

Dun glared at Nobunaga unflinchingly. "Zhang Liao, this is not he! This is our lord's brother!"

Masamune raised a hand. "Didn't he say second cousin thrice- "

"It's easier to say brother, okay? Liao, we must deal with this fiend!"

* * *

Hovering slightly lower, Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang watched the unfolding events with a mixture of dismay and concealed fascination. Something was coming out of the sink hole.

"I can see its head," Zhou Yu whispered harshly as the figure rose. "It's a boy!"

"I must say that the stars neglected to mention these last paragraphs. Though I knew The Downward Spiral would end with Hurt." Zhuge Liang said. With a flick of his white warfan he motioned to Nobunaga Oda. "That man is a warrior of great power . . . one who I believe has just arisen from hell like an unholy erection."

"Don't you mean 'resurrection?'"

"Quite. His inexplicable arrival reminds me of God of War."

"You mean _the _God of War, Guan Yu?"

"Of course." Liang grabbed Zhou Yu's wrist and tugged him along through the air. "Come. We cannot let this man impede our victory."

* * *

Nobunaga threw back his head and laughed, "Surely you do not believe you can actually defeat me? A person who just CRAWLED OUT OF HELL?" 

Flicking his sword aside, a bolt of pure dark and evil energy shot through a random foot soldier, and smashed through several ranks before expiring.

"Ha!"

". . . WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE. WE. ARE. ALL. GOINGTODIE! AAAAAAARRRGH!"

Brave Chinese warriors waved their weapons in the air and turned to flee in all directions. Some samurai fled with them, having been terrified of the Demon King while he was _alive._

* * *

Yukinaga peered down into the battlefield in an attempt to make out what was happening. The soldiers had mostly stopped fighting, though Honda was still bothering to let some persistent enemy warrior live. 

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Know not, do I," Hideyoshi said, "I sense a great disturbance in the Fo...I mean...Sense a great disturbance...do I."

As though to make their leader's words more ominous, the soldiers suddenly began to break and run.

"My lord! They're fleeing!" Tokugawa shouted, his surprise evident, "Is this a trick?"

"No trick this is. Fear filled are they. Take advantage of this turn of events, we must."

"Yes My Lord, I will send in the reinforcements," Tokugawa said, reaching for his Cannon-Spear, "The riflemen are to follow my forces in, providing support."

"Very well," Nagamasa said, turning quickly to go be with his troops, "My God be with us."

* * *

"Hold together!," Dun and Liao shouted alternately to their scattering comrades. One soldier stopped and indicted the generals' missing eye and ear respectively, advising them to take their own advice and stop falling apart like rotting corpses. He ran much faster then. 

"Blast, the whole line is breaking. We need something to turn them back, boost morale!" Liao thought fast.

"A bigger holiday bonus?," Dun suggested. He took another stap back from the fearsome Oda man. "You know running may not be such a bad- "

A horn blast split the air, and the two men turned to see a vast array of cavalry appearing atop the nearby hills. Shiny spears glinted in the sunlight as the Shu force thundered down the slopes towards theright flank of the samurai force.

"I think we are too late for the ambush," Zhao Yun stated, riding at the tip of the huge arrow formation.

Alongside him, Ma Chao grunted. "If your stallion hadn't insisted on mating with half our mares we would have made it on time!"

"Someone sounds jealous," Yun sniggered. "I am sorry, you are not his type."

The Shu cavalry hit the enemy flank, and the retreating Wei forces paused in their fleeing at least for the moment.

"Aw crap," Masamune said as he turned to face the oncoming force, "Just when things where getting good too."

Nobunaga laughed, "Idiots. They oppose me so they'll be cut down!"

Masamune turned to regard the freshly resurrected warlord, "That attitude is what sent you to Hell in the first place, Oda."

The fearsome warlord looked at Masamune with a dangerous scowl on his face, "Are YOU against me too?"

Masamune shook his head frantically, his hands upraised as though to ward off any such notion, "No no! Of course not..."

"Good. Then shut up and start killing."

* * *

The scene below looked something like a real time strategy game, as opposed to a hack 'n slasher. Zhuge Liang pulled Zhou Yu along as the two swooped closer to where Nobunaga had appeared. 

"Do we really wish to be this close to something that has breathed the sulphuric fumes of the lower plains, Zhuge Liang?"

"This is nothing. I once changed Lord Liu Bei's son, Liu Chan."

The cavalry had arrived as Liang had known they would, but more would be needed to return the fearful soldiers to fighting with the Demon King. They stood unsure, and if they remained that way much longer they would be slaughtered.

"Concentrate your fire on the Black Knight."

In answer to Yu's raised eyebrow, Liang's hands shot forward palms first. A golden beam ripped through the air and smashed up the ground close to Nobunaga's feet.

Zhou Yu's eyes widened- the beam had been launched from only two feet from him. His eyes narrowed and he raised his own hand. "Heeee-yar!"

A stream of multi-coloured butterflies leapt from his hand.

". . . dammit!" The strategist used his powers to lift a large rock from the ground. He sent it hurtling for Nobunaga.

Dun cried out as it hit him in the chest, sending him sprawling.

The White Wizard frowned. "The one you should be aiming for is- "

"I KNOW!"

Nobunaga leapt back as a the fireball hit at his feet, and then bringing his sword up looked in consternation.

"Hey! I'm supposed to be the only one using demonic powers," He cut off abruptly as a stream of butterflies started fluttering around him.

"No, I will not have BUTTERFLIES near me. That's just too nice for the image I'm trying to make," A barrier of purple fire surrounded him, and the butterflies all vanished giving cute squeaks of pain as they died.

"Who the heck are yo..." a boulder shot past his head and hit the warrior behind him, "...you?"

"I am Zhuge Liang, principle strategist to Lord Liu Bei of Shu. This is my newly aquired offsider, Zhou Yu of Wu."

"Hey- "

Zhuge Liang continued, tone demanding. "You . . . I believe are called Oda Nobunaga. You came from hell to fight on this field of battle today. Why?"

With a cry Zhou Yu sent two conjured kittens arcing for the evil warlord. They each sizzled against his barrier, making noises like squeaky chew toys.

"What does it matter to you? Strategist?" Nobunaga asked, "All you seem able to do is send cute animals to the underworld. Why should I answer to such poor power?"

Liang looked sideways at his companion. Yu ignored the look, raising his hands again.

Nothing happened. Moments ticked by.

The White Wizard cleared his throat. "Zhou Yu. What are you- "

"Quiet! Give me a moment . . ."

A small black dot appeared on the top of the black-clad warrior's helmet, growing in size rapidly. It spread over his head and shoulders and over the ground around him in almost a circle. It surrounded him and still grew wider.

"What the- "

A giant, obese yellow bird landed directly upon the warlord, covering him and several metres of ground either side completely. The creature flapped its stout wings, opening its beak to say, ". . . Kweh!"

Masamune rubbed his one eye to check and make sure he was seeing things correctly.

"Did you just...summon a chocobo?" he asked uncertainly.

Zhuge Liang stared hard at Zhou Yu, who blinked watching the fat, randomly-conjured bird wriggling its great feathered cheeks on top of Nobunaga. And to Yu's surprised, the one-eyed samurai seemed to be familiar with yellow the creature.

"Must be a Japanese thing," Zhou Yu muttered, gazing intently as the chocobo began to fade from existance. Had his Summon Magic defeated the demonic warlord?

"Oh Buddha!" Nobunaga cried, "I felt penetration!"

Masamune sighed, happy that the undead warlord was still alive...or undead. Whatever.

"You're all dead!" Nobunaga screamed. It was at that moment that the Samurai reinforcements arrived.

A Wei soldier blanched. "We're all dead! I-it must be like in the Sixth Sense!"

"Is that the one where the guy finds out right at the- " A spear smashed through the man's helmet.

Liao grabbed Dun's cape and hauled him up into his saddle. From his side he lifted a long horn, which he gave two long blasts. The sounds for the retreat echoed across the Chinese ranks, and the already-freaked out warriors turned tail. Another, shorter blast followed, directing the men in what action to take once they had retreated the correct distance.

"I want to FIGHT HIM!," Dun bitched. "Oda swine who thinks he's Cao Cao! You're eyes will see the walls of my stomach!"

Zhang Liao sighed and wheeled his horse, pointing his spear at Nobunaga. He sputtered briefly, but had nothing clever to say. The two men rode after the retreating force.

All is going to plan, Zhou Yu mouthed sarcastically.

"All is going to plan," said Zhuge Liang. "Subtracting of course the resurrected champion of all things evil." The strategists turned from said champion of all things evil, or rather Liang turned and Yu was pulled along by the robe collar. Hovering a foot above the groud they sped alongside Zhang Liao and Xiahou Dun, with Ma Chao and Zhao Yun riding close by. The entire Chinese army bristled and shifted.

What followed was a skillful maneuver in the ranks of the Wei and Shu forces. The retreating ranks parted for a long row of large wooden contraptions on wheels. They spread out before the persuing samurai army. Machinery clacked. Long flaps opened along the front of the rectangular thingos.

"Arbalest unit!." Zhuge Liang called as he pasted. "Prepare to fire!"

"It seems we arrived just in time!" Nagamasa said, leading his men in the center. Then he caught sight of the arbalest unit that had just unfolded itself safely in front of the Chinese ranks, "Ah. I stand corrected."

"Out of my way you Jesus loving idiot!" Tokugawa shouted, bringing his cannon spear around to bear on the wooden machines. The front of the spear popped open with the flip of a switch, exposing a very short yet very round muzzle, "You're about to have balls in your face!"

Squeezing the trigger, there was a click and then an enormous ka-BOOM, and the spear splintered into a thousand pieces. Tokugawa was sent flying backwards several feet, his face covered in soot and his beard singed.

"Well...what did you expect?" Masamune grumbled, "That was a completely unrealistic weapons design..."

A thick slit appeared horizontally along the front of the arbalests. The contraption at the centre started to vibrate. The motion intensified and a single, three-inch arrow sputtered from the arbalest and impacted against Masamune's eyepatch with a slight 'tink.'

The samurai wore a confused expression at the harmless ricochet. Before he could draw another breath a thick stream of tiny arrows swarmed from the arbalest in a thin column, each smacking into his eyepatch with a monotonous tinkling. Masamune was forced back as more and more missiles came forth.

Finally the storm ended, and he was left standing completely unscathed by the assault.

"I told you not to let Wang the chef load the arbalests!," the Chinese unit's captain shouted.

The rest of the weapons opened fire in a storm of largely-ineffectual arrows, peppering the bemused Japanese.

* * *

Cao Pi clutched the reins of his horse, which stood motionless. Soon it would be time for him to bring his force about from the rear to reinforce the front. He wasn't giddy with the thought of being on the front lines, but was somewhat consoled by the fact that his father was also out there battling at his encouragement. "Good for the morale," Pi had told him. _Mine, anyway._

Then they were moving, into the thick of the tremendous battle. Wings of warriors clashed from practically one end of the battlefield to the other, and he and his men moved to plug cracks in the line.

Riding behind the son of Cao Cao was none other than Zhang He, decked out in his war skirt and battle pigtails. Thoughts of conflict and China's future were far from the ?-sexual's mind; he was more concerned with using this perfect opportunity to right the urine-smelling wrong that had been done unto him. He just needed to find a way to get closer to Cao Cao . . .

A richly-garbed figure charged pasted Pi and He, galloping his horse back through the ranks and in the opposite direction of the battle. Cao Pi blinked, processing what he had seen and realising the rider's identity.

". . . FATHER, YOU IDIOT!"

The time was now for Zhang He. The warrior drew alongside Cao Pi, a look of concern splayed on his face. "My lord, I daresay that was Lord Cao Cao! Do you wish that I turn about and bring him back to the battle?"

Cao Pi's teeth ground in his jaw. He could already see the dissent Cao's retreat was causing in the ranks. It was just as he had feared, and he could not let his senile father cause even more damage. With a snarl Pi turned and grabbed Zhang He by the silk collar and pulled his face close. He whispered dangerously to him:

"If you care for Wei . . . go back there and kill my father. We cannot win this battle with his insanity plaguing us, and I shall make you a first-class officer for your efforts." He watched the feminine man's expression turn gleeful and knew he had found his man. "Slay him quickly, strip him of identifying clothing and behead him, then return to the field with his corpse and dump it somewhere."

"You can count on me, Lord Cao Pi!," He sang in rhyming fashion. The Wei prince's hand clamped around the officer's throat.

"Silence! If you are discovered or fail in any way, I shall feed you to Xu Zhu."

Eyes popping out of his head, Zhang He nodded. He turned his horse about once he could breathe again and rode back through the Chinese warriors after Cao Cao. _Finally, the day has come! Soon I shall have my petty revenge upon that filthy vagabond . . ._

Cao Pi cut the air with his double-bladed sword and called to the men, "Father has taken ill and is returning to the capital. We shall fight on in his honour and make him proud of us! For Wei!"

* * *

Zhang He's lips drew back in a snarl as he whipped out large serrated knife. Adrenalin and giddiness coursed through the former-psychopathic killer's veins. He spun the knife in his fingers and grasped his stallion's reins, Cao Cao sighted between the beast's ears. 

Pounding across the plain on horseback towards Xu Cheng, the King of Wei spread his arms and tilted his head back. Words drifted back to the would-be assassin:

"_Booorn free, as free as the wind blooows! As free as the grass GROOOWS!"_

Zhang He ignored the off-key singing and cocked his arm back. Soon he would be within throwing distance for his knife. Soon he would be a much higher-ranking officer in the Wei army- not a bad reward for a deed he was expecting to have to flee the country for attempting. Childish joy filled his eyes as he prepared to lob.

. . . Then it occurred to him that he would prefer to see the look on the king's face as metal pierced his body. He would ride alongside Cao Cao and then kill him, and so galloped his horse harder and closed the gap between them. They were now almost a third of the way to the city gates.

"_Staaaay free, where no walls diviiide yooou!. You're free as the roaring tide, so there's no need to hiiiiiide!"_

The assassin was riding just behind Cao then, knife spinning in his hand like a shuriken in flight. He rode on, about to overtake his prey.

In a series of sharp, fluid motions Cao Cao reached up to his topknot, withdrew the pin there and slashed across with it. The tiny point extended into a three-foot sword and sliced clean through Zhang He's torso.

The horses slowed. Zhang He's skirt fell free to the ground. A look of indignation crossed his face as his entire top half followed it, hitting the ground with a light, wet thud.

Cao Cao shook his two metres of hair and laughed triumphantly. On whim he rode back towards the battle.

* * *

Honda stepped backward, his spear pointed downward. He peered at his opponent through the dust and the smoke of the battlefield. 

"Humph. You're good," Honda said stroking an antler. He looked around in the moment's reprieve. A little surprised he noticed that the reinforcements had finally come down from their positions. He had been so focused in the fight he had not realized that they had come.

"Good? I'm FANTASTIC!" Lu Bu send a ridiculous flurry of swipes and cuts at his opponent, flipping the bird at the moment's reprive. This was Koei- if you weren't fighting you may as well be playing Tetris.

Waves of harmless darts scoured the Japanese ranks, and a few rang off Lu Bu's rear, as he was the only Chinese not falling back. At the arbalests, Wang the Chef was racing around funnelling his homemade worthless projectiles into the contraptions.

"Wang, use the _arrows _for that-Christ-guy-we're-hearing-about-from-the-Japanese's sake!"

Wang turned with a stupid grin on his face. "Wang like DARTZ-"

A spearbutt connected with Wang's jaw. The chef spun in a full circle, almost falling to the ground. Another spearbutt caught him under the chin, sending him crashing down in a heap.

Zhao Yun and Ma Chao walked away side by side without glancing at each other, wiping the chef saliva from their spears. Behind them, the arbalests were loaded with deadly arrows.

* * *

The reinforcements from the Japanese army were doing the job that they were supposed to, and already the Chinese ranks were beginning to fall apart. With shocked glances at Oda Nobunaga, most of the rest of the army pushed past him and moved to continue fighting. 

Nagamasa stared openly at Nobunaga as the ranks of riflemen marched in around him. They quickly took positions around the battlefield so as they could get clear shots at the Chinese ranks.

"My Lord? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Nagamasa's aide said.

Nagamasa shook himself, "I have."

"That's impossible, my Lord. But maybe the enemy have been spooked as well. They're falling back."

* * *

Zhuge Liang bulleted back up into the sky, robes swirling about him and no Wu strategist handbag clinging to his arm. He could see below that the riflemen were targetting his retreating comrades and raised a hand. A thick stream of seaweed shot out of his palm and lashed over the gunners, interrupting their work. They probably began to eat it. 

But the Japanese advance would not be halted by tasty treats. The White Wizard knew that he must act quickly to cover the temporary retreat.

A hail of arbalest arrows peppered the samurai line as Zhuge Liang clasped his hands. He crossed his arms over his chest, thrust them out before him, jumped to the left, but his hands on his hips and shouted something unintelligible.

A jagged red line appeared in the ground before the Japanese and behind the Chinese. Without warning the earth split open, one side rising slightly higher than the other as the earth parted. Liang sounded like he was in the middle of a particularly troublesome defecation, so was the effort this spell took. The tear in the ground zig zagged many metres left and right.

Standing directly on top of the split were Lu Bu and Honda, duelling over the divide as it grew.

* * *

As the arbalest fire continued to rake the exposed Japanese ranks, Nagamasa and Tokugawa realized their horribly depreciating position. Giving orders rapidly, Nagmasa's riflemen opened fire, forcing the arbalests to stop firing. 

At the same time all of the Japanese forces began to retreat, leaving the dead and the more severely wounded. Bullets and arrows crisscrossed the ever growing gap between the two armies. The cannons on the hill opened fire and began destroying the Arbalests one at a time, scattering the crews and the other soldiers.

Honda stepped backward just as the enormous rupture in the earth began to split between him and Lu Bu. As the gap continued to widen, he lowered his spear and looked at his opponent blandly.

"Why do you fight so hard for these people?" Lu Bu shouted, "I have never met a warrior as strong as you, why do you serve anybody?"

"I owe my life to my lord," Honda replied, "My strength and all of my services belong to him."

"People just hold you back, you are stronger alone," Lu Bu said sneering.

"My strength is in my..."

"BLAH BLAH BLAH!" One of the foot soldiers near Honda shouted, "My Lord Honda is an honorable and generous man who will always put his friends first and Lu Bu is a cold bastard who hates trusting people and was probably psychologically tormented as a child for having feathers coming out of his head. We get it! Naruto totally already did this!"

Honda and Lu Bu turned to regard the foot soldier with silent stares, completely oblivious of the bullets and arrows flying back and forward. The foot soldier blushed and then, completely against his will soiled himself.

"Aw, gross!" Masamune said waving his hand in front of his face, "Come on Honda, we've got orders to retreat. And I need you to carry Shimazu's fat senile ass."

Honda nodded and turned to leave, whistling to summon Mikuniguro.

"This is not over!" Lu Bu shouted, "We have to fight to a climatic decisive victory so that way we can know who's lifestyle made them stronger!"

"There will be other opportunities," Honda shouted over his shoulder.

Oda laughed at the exchange, bullets and arrows striking an invisible shield before they hit him. Gesturing one last time, a pillar of black fire engulfing the last arbalest launcher before he turned and walked strode unconcerning off the battlefield.

* * *

The warriors of the Japanese army poured back into their encampment, under the cover of cannon fire. When the last of the warriors entered the camp the cannons were silenced to preserve the powder and ammunition. The wounded were carried to the doctors and the officers reported to theirs superiors. 

"Very bad this is. Defenses grown stronger they have," Hideyoshi observed as all of the daimyo reported to his tent.

"Who ever their strategist is, he's smart," Tokugawa said picking splinters out of his face.

"They're highly motivated," Masamune sighed, reloading his pistols.

"Strong," Honda grunted.

Shimazu was still unconscious. He did not say anything.

"We need to talk with them. Maybe we can talk them into surrender," Yukinaga said.

"Yeah right," Tokugawa said.

"Worth a try, it is," Hideyoshi said, "Yukinaga, Nagamasa, and One-eye, go meet with the foreigners after you see to your wounds."

All three saluted with their fist to chest, "Yes my Lord."


End file.
